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Is it normal to have a half-sister 30 years younger than you?


jackie100

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This is not a joke but serious... yes, a 30 year difference . You probably thought it wasn't possible but it is.

 

I am 31. My parents are divorced. My dad is around 67 now... His gf has got to be around 25-26 years old now. (Yes, she is younger than me). She gave birth and I now have a "half-sister", I don't consider her my real sister because I never even met his gf (the mom) and am not really interested in doing so; they live VERY far away (in another country, thousands of miles away) so I don't have to deal with them.

 

Have you ever heard of such a big difference in age between one sibling and the other? I know I'm 31 but to be honest I have ALWAYS been an only child and used to getting all the attention (still am). It feels kind of like a "betrayal" to me to have a half-sister now... I like being the "only-child" although I'm not technically a child.

 

First of all it's bizarre that my dad is dating someone so much younger than me because he actually doesn't have money. Apparently they really have a lot in common; they are both intellectuals etc and she apparently really respects him and looks up to him etc. They have been together for over 4 years now I think! So it's not a short term thing either.

 

I think it's bizarre for him to have a kid at his age because he probably won't even live to watch her reach 18... Can you imagine being 10 years old having your dad be 77?? Older than most grandparents?? I'm glad that's not me because I would be very embarrassed if my friends came over and saw my 77 year old dad...

 

It's selfish but I'm glad I had my dad all to myself when he was young and in his 40's and a "normal aged" dad. I sorta feel bad for the baby because she will have my dad when he is old and weak and at least I had a young dad who was strong enough to take me out to places and have fun with me.

 

I guess I'm still not over the shock of having a half-sister. And yes she is my half-sister, not my real sister. I am not interested in getting to know her much or anything. I live thousands of miles away and have my own life.

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Well. I have a half sister whos 20 years older than me. And Another half sister who is 20 years younger than me..

 

But I don't see why age matters. As long as you can give the child love, affection, support, time, and give them a good future.

 

I'd prefer to have a dad thats 77, than a dad thats 25 when I would have been 10 =P But my own dad would be nearing 80 if he wasn't dead. And I adore my baby sister. She just lights up the room when she walks in.

 

Just remember though, it's not the childs fault. Feel free to get to know her, tell her you love her. She didn't choose to be born. If you feel like punishing anyone, then punish your father.

 

How would you feel if your father tried to tell you who you can and can't have children with? What if you met a man that was so many years older than you, and you loved him. Would you want your father to treat YOUR child that way?

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Why would you have preferred a 70 year old father?

 

Of course , I would never punish the child. I completely understand that she's innocent. I don't have a need to "punish" anyone, not even my dad. He sounds happy and I guess a baby will keep him feeling young and busy with something to do....

 

How do you personally feel about having a half-sister with a different mom than yours though? Isn't it kind of weird? I mean weird in the fact that your moms are different...

 

I don't know if I love her. I don't think I do. Why should I love someone I never met just because we have the same father? Most likely I will never meet her because she livest too far away. Technically I COULD visit her if I chose to but not sure if I want to. I feel that we are too far apart in age and have nothing in common.

 

This sounds terrible but I think I'm also a bit jealous that she was just born and that I'm 31 now. It makes me feel so old. I get depressed knowing that once she's 60 I'll be 90 and most likely dead... It makes me feel more aware of how old I am... and I don't like being old at all.

 

And actually the age difference is 31... not 30...

 

 

 

Well, my dad wouldn't tell me because he knows I can do whatever I like. He knows it's not in his place to tell me. He's not very controlling at all but very liberal, he knows I have to make my own choices... I actually don't WANT children, I don't like them, but if I did I'm sure he would love the baby no matter who the dad was because it would be his grandchild... With me it's different because the mother of the baby (his gf) is different than mine... We have different mothers...

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Because of your seemingly rigid views on life (the feeling I get from your posts), I think you're missing out on a whole lot of love out there.

 

Your dad is happy. A new life has been created within a (presumably) loving environment. You have the opportunity to create a special bond with another person - pass on your wisdom, release your inner child, etc. These can be positive things if you let them. You are choosing to only see the negative.

 

Ask yourself, what is 'normal' anyway.

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I have more siblings than I care to count to be honest. Jane (48 different mum) Lindsay (47 different mum) Robert (34 different dad) Nick (26 same parents) Liam (22 adopted, really is my step cousin...) Courtney (4 Different parents, her dad is the one I grew up calling dad until I was 15)

 

 

My partner is a LOT closer with his siblings (same parents, ages 20, 25, 27) and they get on great. I'm no where near as close to my siblings. But my step sister, I love her more than I love my full, or even half siblings.

 

Maybe we disagree because it's suddenly put upon you, and you've had 31 years to think there won't be any brothers or sisters. And I grew up with it. Which is most likely why I am more accepting of it.

 

And you don't have to have anything in common to love anyone really. When I first saw Courtney (step baby sister) god I fell for her big time. I even offered to baby sit her, and at the time I too hated children. I became very protected of her, and spoilt her really =D I wanted her to have the life I didn't. To have someone even if I am 20 years older.. to come too no matter what. That I wouldnt judge her, that I would help/supoort her in anyway. I wanted to be to her, what I never had. =)

 

Jane did a similar thing that your doing really, She didnt visit me, she didnt contact me, In the whole of my 24 years, I have only met her twice. I don't see her as a sister... I see my step sister as more of a sister than I do jane.

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I think you have issues that go beyond just having a half sister with a large age difference. You are scared to get old, you are jealous of others having the attention, you don't want to share. You need to work on those qualities because they are REALLY what's eating at you. If you are never going to see this baby anyway, then what does it really matter about the age difference? It's really no different than any other baby being born today - in terms of you saying that you are jealous that when the baby is 60 you will likely be dead (isn't that true of any baby born recently?) 30 is NOT that old - you have an entire life ahead of you so you should stop focusing on everything that is negative and just enjoy your life instead of finding problems with it.

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Well we can't control our parents can we??? Sigh....

 

Do you love your dad?

 

I know I love mine! Yes it was weird to have half siblings 23 and 25yr my junior but you know what - they are great kids! I'm more like an aunt than a sister since I am so much older. Even though my dad's second wife was just a couple years older than me - ended up liking her a lot.

 

I know it hurts a bit but try and stay open minded.

 

The reality is that yes - at his age he most likely wont see his daughter graduate from high school... but maybe you can fill in the blanks for her... You are reeling now... but you'll never know how you'll feel about this in 5yr.

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I've seen that quite a few times. Not your particular circumstances, but men going out and having several families.

I know of a man who has 16 children - by 9 different women. He's an old man and his youngest child is 2!

 

In some circles and places it's considered pretty normal.

 

Would it be weird to me if it were my dad? Yeah. It probably would.

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I'm hearing a lot of "me me me" when the reality is:

 

Your father is happily in love with someone and the relationship seems general and they've had their first child (perhaps the woman's only one with him given his age). Be happy for them. You don't need to strike up a close bond with your sibling especially if you're a country away but you can't deny their existence. You'll need to get over the fact you're no longer and only child and perhaps need to realize you're no longer a child at all because your view here is that of an adolescent who is asking "what about me?" when the topic is about a newborn.

 

I think I saw a 90's family-sitcom show about this.

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I thought more people would think it's selfish for a man to have a child at 67 because he won't LIVE long enough to watch the child grow. Yes, the gf is young, but most likely the baby won't have her dad watch her turn 18. No one thinks its selfish to have kids that age?

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I sort of do think it's selfish - but that's a useless thought and judgment, since there is absolutely zilch I can do about men who have babies at that stage in life.

 

Dwelling on that would have me thinking some bad things, honestly. One thing to just let go and let others be even if you don't agree... and just not do it yourself (hook up with an older man and have kids with him lol).

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I thought more people would think it's selfish for a man to have a child at 67 because he won't LIVE long enough to watch the child grow. Yes, the gf is young, but most likely the baby won't have her dad watch her turn 18. No one thinks its selfish to have kids that age?

 

That can be turned around.

 

People could say, that if your Dad chose not to have children. It would be selfish of him, because his partner would either have to leave... or wait 20 years or less or more for him to die to have children with someone else...

 

Also. Maybe because your not very close. i.e. because you don't visit... He may feel like he failed the first time. And wants to see if he can do better.

People all live there own lives, You just have to accept it.

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He may feel like he failed the first time. And wants to see if he can do better.

 

i kinda feel like this too....

 

Maybe we disagree because it's suddenly put upon you, and you've had 31 years to think there won't be any brothers or sisters. And I grew up with it. Which is most likely why I am more accepting of it.

 

I think this is a part of it too. I just always thought I was the only one, I never thought of the fact that there could be others after me. My mom is celibate and doesn't even associate with men so I knew nothing could come from her. I think she also passed menopause a long time ago. I never expected anything from my dad because he is just so old. Come to think of it, I now wonder if I have any other half-siblings who are around my age that I never knew about. The scary thing is that I think it's possible. I have some suspicion that I may have some other ones too (older ones) from my dad. I was young when my parents divorced so I never knew what the reasons were but I'm pretty sure my dad was having affairs on the side... I don't know for sure but I can strongly (very strongly) speculate.

 

That can be turned around.

 

People could say, that if your Dad chose not to have children. It would be selfish of him, because his partner would either have to leave... or wait 20 years or less or more for him to die to have children with someone else...

 

This is true too. I never even thought of that. It is a good point.

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  • 6 years later...

Hey, are you still around? I know it's been 7 years since your post, but I was really wondering how things turned out for you after all. As of today I am in the exact same situation as you and I understand how you were feeling the day you wrote this post. I am really torn, if my father is happy with this choice good for him. But this it's not a thing that can go by without affecting a person. He would like me to have a relationship with the baby but to be honest I don't know if I can. It would be a constant reminder of how things turned out for him and my mom, and it was not pretty. When he left we were in a very bad situation and he never looked back. He didn't care about us for a minute.

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