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Help! Faith in God and Feelings of Love

They Laid Their Hands On Them - Lay...
They Laid Their Hands On Them - Laying On Of Hands Ceased?

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Hi There...once again it has been a long time since I have posted and once again I need your help.


Let me start by saying that I am so confused.


I met my current boyfriend...or most recent ex-boyfriend...on E-Harmony in October. We chatted back and forth for months until we finally decided to meet in February. Why did it take so long? Well, we are both very, very busy people and he lives about 2.5 hours south of me...


So, anyway, from our first meeting we instantly became close. We decided to have a true Christian relationship and therefore, we have not had sex. We have done other things that came pretty close to sex...but not much as we struggled to abstain from sex as much as possible.


I am 29 and he is 43. He was deeply in love with a woman whop crushed him over nearly 20 years ago. He has dated since then and has only been in love with one other woman which is the girl he was with before me...from what I know that was about 2-3 years before we met...


Anyway, our relationship has been great. We visited one another almost every weekend for months. Every once in a while he would withdraw for a week but then we would be back on the following weekend.


Well, I have never met someone so wonderful as him. He is respectful, caring, considerate, polite, and a complete gentleman (plus we are very passionate when we get too carried away in the bedroom).


I prayed from the beginning for God to take the lead in this relationship and from the begininng I have felt that this relationship was the one. I had 100% faith that it was...and earlier this summer, I told him I loved him.


He didn't say anything back except that he loves spending time with me, he loves talking to me, and he cares deeply for me....but he doesn't love me. I was ok with this because I had faith that love would grow.


A few more months passed and he told me that he thinks there is a problem. He said that I am everything he ever wanted in a woman but he doesn't feel the love. He feels attraction, affection, etc, etc, but not love....not like he loved his ex-girlfriends....he wishes he felt it because he beleives I would be a good wife to him...but he thinks that since he does not feel it, it must because we are not meant to be.


He still cares deeply for me and he wants to stay friends....but he wants me to move on. I, obvioucly, the one in love - do not want this...but I see that I have no choice.


Unfortunately though, I misunderstood him. Even though he told me that he wanted to continue to see me but not as a couple and that he wanted me to see other people...even though he told me that he does not love me...even though we talked about how our relationship would change...I still misunderstood him. Not because of what he said, but because of my faith.


I have, from day 1, believed and had faith in the fact that he was the one for me. I trusted God to reveal that to him too...and everytime he said something to make me doubt our future together, I would say a prayer and receive some type of sign that he is the one. I was certain of it.


So even though he spelled out our relatinship going forward, I still thought we had a chance. Until tonight. He called me tonight and we talked. I was flirting with him and he was ignoring my advances...intentionally changing the subject. Then I told him that I missed him and he said, "you are not supposed to say things like that anymore." When I asked him why, he said, "You know why, remember our talk on Saturday? We are not a couple any more."


Than it hit me. We have broken up. It hit him too - we cannot be just friends....he said he thinks it would be too painful for me to be friends with him and he wants me to seriously think about whether I want to even try to be friends with him.


I am so confused. My faith in God tells me to continue to have faith and stay strong even though everything else says it is over. Another part of me wants it to be over. I am moving on because I can do no other...


But I am so hurt. I find myself questioning my faith, my feelings, everything I know. I find myself doubting myself...he says that he thinks I am great and would marry me tomorrow if the feelings were there....I don't understand how everything can be so great...how I can be everything he wants except that he does not love me...


I mean what is love? Does it have to be an irrational emotion that you can feel for anyone regardless of compatability? I do feel love for him but my love is rational. I know he would be good to me, I know he would be faithful and be a great father. I know he would be a good provider and I am pretty sure he would be amazing in bed (i know enough to be sure of that)...


In other words, I know I would be happy with him. We get along on an intellectual, spiritual and social level. We enjoy the same food, the same activites and most of the same movies....so what is the problem?


He said that he has never bonded so quickly with a woman. The closeness we formed in a matter of days usually takes him months to form....


I just don't get it and I don't know what I am supposed to do. I want to have faith, but I am scared to keep my heart on the line.


Please help!

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but he doesnt love you, and your faith in God isnt going to make him love you.

Some people come into our lives to pass thru quickly, and teach us about ourselves. Some are in our lives to stay. He is a passer-thru.

learn something from both the joy and pains of this relationship, and move on. Grow, heal, continue to trust your faith, but know that sometimes God doesnt give us what we want...he shows us what we need. we have to be smart enough to see it.

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He didn't say anything back except that he loves spending time with me, he loves talking to me, and he cares deeply for me....but he doesn't love me.


He feels attraction, affection, etc, etc, but not love....not like he loved his ex-girlfriends....


he wants me to move on.


he said, "We are not a couple any more."


Than it hit me. We have broken up.

I'm sorry you're hurting, but you have to come to terms with the fact that it's no longer working for HIM. I know you are hoping that he feels more and will come back, but when you read the above (in bold), he has clearly stated where he stands and it doesn't look very promising right now.


You cannot make someone stay, or feel what they don't feel. You have to learn to let go and accept that it's over for him.


Wish you well.

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  • 1 year later...

The power of time is so amazing! It has been about 1.5 years since we broke up and I am so happy we did. i can see now that he was not at all right for me. I have also noticed that by going through some of my old posts, I tend to see the men I date as these wonderful people - almost like they are Prince Charmings and I am completely blind to their faults. I can't imagine how many times I referred to my ex-husband (who is a jerk) as the "most loving man!"


Anyway, God has definitely been guiding me. My ex helped me to reach a new level of self-awareness...but the only way that lesson could do any good was to go my own way!

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