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Finding NC so hard, Help!


lotus26

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My Bf dumped me Sunday monrning, couldnt give me a proper answer why, told me he was to busy at work, told me noone else is involved.

My friend took me out a few hours later to a bar to get my mind off things, there he is sitting there with all his mates and a girl i have never seen before, so busy right!

I smiled and said Hi, he almost died.

I didnt want to leave the bar so as hurtful as it all was we stayed for a few hours and left. a few hours later he text me to say how much of a nice girl i am and he is not seeing anyone, i replied its cool babe as long as you are happy (i dont want him to know i am dying inside)

Monday i embarresed myself, told him he had broken my heart blah blah, he told me he was sorry.

Tuesday i didnt contact him then yesterday he contacts me saying just for the record he is not seeing anyone or planning on, that he still feels bad and he misses me a bit but he is happy and he has to do what is right for him, once again i played it cool not letting him know i was so hurt, his last text was saying he would still like to catch up soon as friends, i replied yeah sure i am sure we can make a time some day, i didnt want to reply in a negative way.

Why did he contact me?

to take away some of his guilt?

to see if i would beg for him back?

why would he want to be friends?

I just dont get it.

 

I just want to contact him so much but i know its better to stay silent.

 

I just dont know what to do.

I thought he possibly could have been the one, i am heartbroken

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You seem to be doing all the right things.

 

Don't contact him anytime soon. It sounds like he is contacting you because he feels guilty...and maybe to keep you around just in case. But I don't want to sound cynical.

 

Keep up the positive attitude. He probably wants to stay friends because you were important to him, and still are to a certain extent. That or he's a dirtbag...your call. It doesn't sound like he wants to try again, so dont' get your hopes up.

 

Don't contact him in the hopes of reconciliation. Up to you if you reply to his texts. Basically if it starts to hurt then that will be your signal to cut him off completely.

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He told me on monday he still loves me so it would kill him to see me with another guy, but he keeps saying he wants to be my friend.

But then he would love to see me sometime.

and then he would just have to let me know he is not seeing anyone.

I think he is trying to keep me on the side, maybe he thinks the grass is greener, who knows. I know i love him and thats the worst bit.

sitting here so depressed i cant eat and wondering if it is even bothering him at all.

 

Romy, trust me i am not strong, the only reason i am not contacting him is cause i have deleted his number, well i gave it to a friend and told he not to give it back to me.

It sounds childish but i know not contacting him will annoy him, he will be wondering why i am not chasing him, wondering if i have moved on. I know how it feels being ignored.

Its so childish but the thought of that works for me.

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Those are almost all the exact things my ex told me when he broke up with me. That he needed to focus on his career, that there was noone else, and that he wanted to remain friends. NC is so hard in the beginning, especially when you're so used to talking and texting all the time, but it'll get a lot easier as the days/weeks pass. You just have to keep strong in the meantime, and in no time you won't even want to contact him anymore because you have moved on. Just be strong right now. How long did you guys date?

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Not to long, about 7 or 8 months, but things were really intense.

I am angry cause he cant give me a proper answer why he left me, always changing.

I just wish i knew what i did wrong.

 

Bubalu, did you're partner keep contacting you after you didnt contact them?

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No, he was the stronger of the two of us. I'm the weak one lol. I realllyyy wanted to contact him and checked my phone all the time to see if I got anything from him. We also only dated 6 months, but it was very intense. I actually did contact him one week after the breakup, a very short casual text, and he politely resplied. A few days after that I had a very weak moment and let him know how much I missed him, he replied telling me he was sorry for hurting me. Then I realized how much of a fool I was and decided to not contact him again. So no contact from my part, and now, 3 months later he contacts me, just as friends though. But by now I feel indifference, I'm not in pain anymore and I could have cared less if he did contact me or not. I admit I did get a little excited though, but just because I hadn't heard from him in a long time, not because I want him back.

 

You know, it's fishy that he didn't give you a proper reason. And a male friend once told me that if a guy insists there isn't anyone else, it's because there is.... Maybe you'll get a proper reply from him once things cool down, in the near future. In the meantime try not to torture yourself thinking of the reasons. Keep doing what you're doing, go out and have fun, and don't give in to his texts, keep playing it cool.

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Geez were we dating the same guy?!! LOL

He insists there is noone else and for some silly reason i do believe him, he didnt even have time for me (he works 6 days a week and studies 2 nights a week) I was a idiot and poured my heart out to him to the day after seeing him, he replied with sorry and the typical its me not you line.

I dont know what went wrong.

Its so hard going from like 8 phone calls a day hanging out as often as we could and then nothing! He lives 2 streets away so i am scared to even leave the house! we were planning holidays together, he would talk about out future then bang, all over!

My friends think he will come crawling back as he has started doing things he does not normally do like drinking three nights a week and hanging with people he does not normally hang with, as much as i would love him back i know i cant now, to much hurt.

 

I just need to be strong and i know time heals things, but it suxs right now!

 

Thanks for the advice

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Yeah there seem to be a lot of similarities in our breakups. Mine was unexpected too, one minute he's saying he can't imagine his life without me and the next week he breaks up with me. What the heck lol. I laugh about it now but it was horrible then, it was so painful. We had so many plans too, like travelling in the summer, and all he said was to be strong and sorry for hurting me.

 

And you're right, right now is when you're very vulnerable and you would take him back if he came crawling back to you, I know I would have, but you have to be strong. Our minds do crazy things after a breakup, so you really have to wait it out in order to think clearly. Only then you'll see what the best decision was. I know now my breakup was for the best, it really was a blessing in disguise.

 

You seem to have the right mindset regarding the breakup, so just keep holding on and being strong, I know it sucks right now, but you're doing all the right things. It's ok to cry and feel pain, just don't dwell on it too much, he doesn't deserve that.

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your doing a good job hun when your staying positive. Yes it hurts inside but being nice and acting non sholant at the same time makes it seem like your doing ok. He is the one that broke up with you so im sure he expects that your crying and hurting over him which indeed you may be but by not showing it puzzles him and may make him wonder if he has made the right decision on dumping a sweet wonderful woman. Sometimes guys and girls just want some play time away from the responsiblities of the relationship but weeks to months later it is possible that things can be better than before due to realizations during the break. You know that old saying. Distance makes the heart grow fonder. My suggestion though. do not hold to this although it is possible, cut contact and start to focus and move on for your own well being. If he continues to contact you, you need to let him know that you are trying to move on and until you feel comfortable you would prefer no contact. This will get him thinkin but who cares, you need to focus on you. If you took him back now, nothing would change. sometimes some time is needed

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Thanks for the advice drew.

I know what you are saying by the no contact thing will be puzzling him, i guess even if he didnt care he would still be wondering why i am not begging him back.

Now i think the whole being nice to him might backfire.

He thinks we are going to meet up as friends and i am cool with everything while he runs around doing what ever he wants, be probably thinks he has the best of both worlds now. I dont know, i am that confused and just reading way to much in to it.

In the last coulple of weeks i kept asking him what was wrong why he had not called me, he said he was so busy with work.

I dont know, i think i need to keep the no contact thing up, i cant give him the satisfaction of knowing that i am hurting i did that the day after and felt stupid.

Maybe he is wanting me to contact him and maybe he thinks cause i am not i was not that serious about him in the first place? arrrggh its doing my head right in!

Thanks guys for the support.

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All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You
All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You

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