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Need advice on a collge relationship


coolguy731

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So my girlfriend of over 2 years now is just about to start college. I'm 20 and she's 18 and we will be going to different schools. Our plan is to transfer and end up going to the same school...we're about 20 minutes apart from each other currently and I was just looking for some advice about college and relationships because the statstics don't seem good.

 

We're very close to each other and I know that she cares a lot about me just as much as I do about her. We really want to make this work but she's already voiced concerns about wanting to be more independent and able to do her own things without having to feel completely bogged down by a relationship. At the same time however, she sincerely said that she wanted to stay in the relationship which confused me a bit.

 

Our plan is to transfer to a college that we both like in a year so that we can be closer to each other. We've been in a solid relationship for a very long time and are sure that we want to go to the same school.

 

I guess i'm posting because I feel weary of what might happen. College is a giant step and I know that many things can change and fast. If anyone cares to share their own stories of success or failure with a high school or college sweetheart please do. I'd just like to hear some other opinions by other people and what they did

 

Thanks!

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It's perfectly alright for both of you to be scared. I think what she meant by wanting to be more independent and not bogged down by a relationship is that she will be wanting to explore all the new interests and experiences that come with college, and dedicating a large portion of time to an LDR might take away time to do that. Don't take it personally. However, it sounds like you both really care about each other and want to try and make it work.

 

You will both have to adjust to and accept this new situation. You probably won't feel as close as before while you are apart. Both of you should try to stay as busy as possible to avoid missing the other person too much or getting a wandering eye.

 

It takes real trust and commitment to make such a thing work. For me, my HS boyfriend went to a college in the same town I was going to school in so he could be with me and we lived together, ended up suffocating each other. The space apart could bring you closer together. Either way, it will really test the long-term potential of your relationship.

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If you prescribe to the 'Law of Attraction' from The Secret and many many other sources. It states that what we dwell on occurs. So, the more you fear something will happen, the more likely it is that it will happen. So, I'd suggest just getting on with life and be happy that the world and the universe will make everything go just fine.

 

Stop overthinking and just enjoy.

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If you prescribe to the 'Law of Attraction' from The Secret and many many other sources. It states that what we dwell on occurs. So, the more you fear something will happen, the more likely it is that it will happen. So, I'd suggest just getting on with life and be happy that the world and the universe will make everything go just fine.

 

Stop overthinking and just enjoy.

 

That's an interesting thought, and I mostly agree with it, however, I can't stop myself from fearing or thinking something will happen. It is only natural for humans to have fear or anxiety. As much as i'd like to 'wish' fears away, realistically it won't happen. I'm also a firm believer that having an active role and being passionate about making something work will do a lot more for me than just pretending that there is nothing to fear and allowing the universe to make everything go just fine.

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So my girlfriend of over 2 years now is just about to start college. I'm 20 and she's 18 and we will be going to different schools. Our plan is to transfer and end up going to the same school...we're about 20 minutes apart from each other currently and I was just looking for some advice about college and relationships because the statstics don't seem good.

20 minutes? That's it? And you're worried about it not working out? You got to be kidding. I was nearly 3 hours away from my boyfriend when I was in college. It's manageable.

 

And what statistics? Where did you get that information about being in separate colleges means end to relationships? I can tell you that whatever "statistics" you looked at are wrong.

 

 

We're very close to each other and I know that she cares a lot about me just as much as I do about her. We really want to make this work but she's already voiced concerns about wanting to be more independent and able to do her own things without having to feel completely bogged down by a relationship. At the same time however, she sincerely said that she wanted to stay in the relationship which confused me a bit.

There's no confusion here. You're having a hard time accepting a sudden change of lifestyle and are not agreeing with it for the time being. It's understandable because I've been there. She's only asking to tone down the relationship so she can focus on finishing school. She isn't asking to drop the relationship, but give her some space. She wants the college experience because this is the only time she can have that experience.

 

College is a giant step and I know that many things can change and fast. If anyone cares to share their own stories of success or failure with a high school or college sweetheart please do.

I'm still dating someone I met back at a community college. We've been together for 4 years and used to live 25 mins apart when we started. We dated for a semester and a half before I had to transfer to another school. The school I transferred to was 3 hours away because I needed a 4 year degree to become a teacher. After my first year at the university, my parents moved out of state to retire... which is 1.5 hours away from the boyfriend. We STILL maintained it together even though it was not easy! Later on insecurity problems arose, and we ended it. I met and dated fascinating people during the last year of college, but it was not the same as the friendships I had built back in community college. I guess what people say is true- the friends you make during your freshman year of college last a lifetime. During that time, he got his life together and I still had "unresolved feelings." We met at a friends' party and reconnected quickly.

 

Basically, my advice is go with the flow and do not hold yourself back on college because you got a girlfriend/boyfriend. I did that during the first two years and regret it. You have a lot of opportunities to meet wonderful people while in college than you do after. If things don't last, don't sweat it; if it's meant to be, she/he will come back. Just like mine did.

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Thanks for the response it's reassuring. I guess I just feel out of my element because I'm usually the really social one in the relationship who has a lot of friends and the potential to date other people at any time.

 

I think I recently came to the realization that I actually really and sincerely care more about this girl than anyone else I ever had. I used to fancy the idea of dating a bunch of people and hooking up etc...but in my mind now it's all rather tasteless. I really have no interest in dating somebody else because I feel that what I have found is irreplaceable and a remarkable person in my eyes. It's not so much that I'm afraid of losing her, I think its that I've just only come to realize how much she actually means to me in my life and I wouldn't give that up for the world. I've dated other people and been in situations in which I believed that I was happy only to realize that feelings and a sense of content only go so far whereas a real deep care and love for a person brings me true happiness...I guess that's what I'm fearful of losing

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English Conversation About COLLEGE ...
English Conversation About COLLEGE LIFE - TALKING TO A COUNSELOR

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