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Cheaters who blame their partners.


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How does Scorpio apologize
How does Scorpio apologize

Ayo.

 

Why do cheaters, or people who flirt around, always blame their partners for the way they behave? Why is it always, "Oh well if you could have done this and that, I would have never slept with him/her!" I mean I find that very heartbreaking to be blamed for stuff like that. So why do cheaters do that if they were the ones who did their partners wrong?

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Because in their distorted mind, it takes all guilt off of them, and they actually believe that, until reality hits them later on.

 

I agree with this, except I tend to think they don't actually believe it--rather, that's what they say in order to justify it (though on the inside, they know what they did was wrong [most of the time]).

 

My ex tried that...he told his friends I "was starting to remind him of his ex and it turned him off" and that's why he cheated on me. Uh, if that's the case what's so hard about simply breaking up with me and then having your fun afterwards?

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I agree with this, except I tend to think they don't actually believe it--rather, that's what they say in order to justify it (though on the inside, they know what they did was wrong [most of the time]).

 

 

i think they tell themselves and everyone else over and over - that they start to believe their own lie.

 

my ex has this thing about being the 'bad guy"

 

well he wouldn't be the bad guy if he wasn't constantly doing "bad" things to people.

 

some people really need to get a grip on their brain cells

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Uh, if that's the case what's so hard about simply breaking up with me and then having your fun afterwards?

 

 

People are selfish. Some people want everyone to themselves even if they don't want them. It's an ego thing, especially for guys; If they can juggle 2 or more girls, they are "the man" in their social group. It makes them feel big and manly.

 

It's pathetic.

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Not only cheaters. People with emotional problems and personality disorders tend to shift blame on everyone else for their own wrong-doing. They are fully aware that their actions were wrong..I don't truly believe that they start believing their lies..they know full well they are lying but figure they can try to get away with it. I have met many liars in my life and when you call them out on their lie they simply twist reality yet again and find another substitute lie to take the place of the first lie that wasn't believed. Their whole idea is to try to get away with things...most liars tend to accuse other people of things which they themselves are guilty of. Lying and blaming someone else is just a way to distort reality and shut the other person up so that they can continue lying.

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Frankly, I wouldn't be interested in the noise coming from anyone who would cheat on me, and I wouldn't stick around long enough to hear it.

 

What you describe sounds like a spouse beater who claims that the spouse 'deserved it,' and that's not even worth trying to analyze.

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Anyone who is sick enough to cheat will definitely be sick enough to "justify" their way around it. Don't listen to any of that BS. I definitely didn't listen my cheating ex's. He didn't blame me, but he tried his best to "justify" his reason to cheat. Ugh.

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I have never cheated or been cheated on.....so my advice is coming from "the outside". I think that if someone is cheating, it's because something is missing from their relationship. If my husband cheated on me and said, for example, that he was missing physical attention and so forth, then I don't know that I would consider it my "fault" that he cheated, but at the same time I would need to take responsibility for and recognzie the lack of affection on my part IF I wanted to work it out.

A lot of people don't bother to try to work it out (which is fine if that's what they want) or get very bitter and jaded about dating and the opposite sex when it seems to me if they can accept that their relationship wasn't perfect, recognize their part in whatever went wrong and move on, it can work out sometimes.

Meanwhile, I again, have never been cheated on. If my husband DOES ever cheat on me and say that I am not affectionate, we'll see how "responsible" I am in taking some of the blame

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I defy anyone who doesn't know, in their heart of hearts, that it can, sometimes, be true.

 

It's just... ugly to admit?

 

 

While the state of the relationship is the fault of both parties, only one decided to cheat and they have to bear the brunt of this bad choice themselves. The choice of the wandering party isn't the responsibility of the betrayed party. However, that being said, I must admit that I don't have as much sympathy for the betrayed party when key ingredients of the relationship are suddenly halted and they do nothing to rectify the problem.

 

If their spouse has told them repeatedly about the issue and they simply get ignored, then they need to be prepared for some bad issues in their marriage in the future.

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There is something on another website known as "The Fog" which may shed some light on this subject. PM me if you want to get a little info on the issue. From what I've seen, quite a few posters have already alluded to what was outlined on another site about this phenomenon. This is known as 'blameshifting' where the WS doesn't have to take responsibility of their actions and will blame everything under the sun to keep from looking at what they have done.

 

The fog and blameshifting apparently allow the WS to keep their sense of self respect before, during, and sometimes after the affair. The thought process they wish to adopt is similar to someone who seriously assaults or murders in self defense. Yes something heinous has occurred, but due to the special circumstances, this person is absolved of all guilt of their apparent wrongdoing. Essentially, the WS will maintain that they 'cheated' to save themselves and they desperately want to believe this fallacy as it's better than realizing they aren't the 'good' people they thought they where.

 

The WS who is in the fog apparently does what they can to devalue the relationship, and their partner, vilifying them to make their own offense(s) palatable. The Affair partner can do no wrong, while the BS can do nothing right. The relationship may even be 're-written' so that things which a BS may have done to assist the WS in the past, is now spun in a negative manner. All of these changes in Perception are all to facilitate the safe sense of self for the WS and so long as they can stomach the fantasy, that is all that matters. This may be the reason why anyone who has been cheated on before will be told the most ludicrous reasoning behind their WS's behavior, but then the WS will be adamant that no one else be told. The more people who know about the truth, the more who can poke holes into the fantasy.

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what do they say about those who cheat... blame you for their cheating ... because the cheating was an experiment to see if YOU would cheat- because the people they cheat on you with have similar "self esteem issues" ...therefore- it was not cheating it was merely an "experiment".

 

His words.. "she was the perfect subject to my experiment"

 

lmao ..i swear this is the excuse my ex has given me.

 

 

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what do they say about those who cheat... blame you for their cheating ... because the cheating was an experiment to see if YOU would cheat- because the people they cheat on you with have similar "self esteem issues" ...therefore- it was not cheating it was merely an "experiment".

 

His words.. "she was the perfect subject to my experiment"

 

lmao ..i swear this is the excuse my ex has given me.

 

 

 

Let me guess, he may have been worried about whether or not you where going to cheat on him so he decided to see if you would by getting a possible doppelganger and cheating with them. Here is the deal, it makes sense in his mind completely even though reading his theory has possbily made me a little dumber. So long as it makes sense to him, then his world can continue. I'll be absolutely honest HHMH, I was thinking about your ex when I wrote about the ridiculous reasoning. I knew beyond the shadow of a doubt that he gave you a hair-brained reason for his dalliance.

 

If there wasn't so much pain involved with cheating, some of their excuses would actually be funny.

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Let me guess, he may have been worried about whether or not you where going to cheat on him so he decided to see if you would by getting a possible doppelganger and cheating with them. Here is the deal, it makes sense in his mind completely even though reading his theory has possbily made me a little dumber. So long as it makes sense to him, then his world can continue. I'll be absolutely honest HHMH, I was thinking about your ex when I wrote about the ridiculous reasoning. I knew beyond the shadow of a doubt that he gave you a hair-brained reason for his dalliance.

 

If there wasn't so much pain involved with cheating, some of their excuses would actually be funny.

 

well i challenge ANYONE to come up with a better excuse for cheating ..lol

 

he is certainly creative thats for sure... lmao

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Reasons people cheat;

 

  1. He/She doesn't pay attention to me anymore!
  2. He/She is neglecting me and I want to feel wanted!
  3. He/She is unemployed and I felt helpless!
  4. He/She is cheating (or has cheated) on me and I want revenge!
  5. I got bored and wanted something new!
  6. I couldn't help it, the other party was too sexy to resist! It's all my boy/girlfriend's fault for not tending to my sexual needs!
  7. Even if my boy/girlfriend was absolutley perfect and was loving and caring to me... He/she was simply too boring! I want some spice in my love life!

 

I've heard it all the time when it came to people I know and their cheating partners. My heart goes out to them.

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I defy anyone who doesn't know, in their heart of hearts, that it can, sometimes, be true.

 

It's just... ugly to admit?

 

I'll take you up on that, because given that relationships are voluntary, I can't come up with a single reason for not settling old business and ending one partnership before starting up a new thing.

 

If one's loyalty is so strained and respect is so lost, then what's the excusable reason for staying with a person while cheating on them?

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The excuse my cheating ex gave me was, "I couldn't say no" and then, "She did so much for my dying (off topic: now dead) father that I needed to thank her, you don't know what it's like to owe someone."

 

Now this was his ex-gf who was dating someone else.

 

Those two are both so disgusting.

 

However, my coworkers all thought his lame excuses were hilarious. Looking back, I still don't find them funny.

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The excuse my cheating ex gave me was, "I couldn't say no" and then, "She did so much for my dying (off topic: now dead) father that I needed to thank her, you don't know what it's like to owe someone."

 

Now this was his ex-gf who was dating someone else.

 

Those two are both so disgusting.

 

However, my coworkers all thought his lame excuses were hilarious. Looking back, I still don't find them funny.

 

the excuses they give are degrading as far as i'm concerned... they are insult to my intelligence.

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