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I can't trust my bf coz he lied to me..


alonelyheart

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I need to get help before I flush my relationship down the drain.. I and my bf have known each other for over 5 years.I broke up with him about 9 months ago because I couldn't see it working (fights, long-distance etc etc). A couple months ago we got back together as I realized that I was being stupid and commitment phobic.After we got back together, I asked him if he saw someone during our break and he didn't confess to anything. I had a feeling that he had gone out with this girl.

 

So I checked his e-mail (bad and low move I know) and found out that he had. He had lied to me about this relationship. On confrontation, he accepted that he felt rejected and had tried to move on but it was in the past and that didn't love her. But, for some reason, now I can't trust him. I feel like I don't know him anymore and that he betrayed me. The fact that we weren't together doesn't matter to me as much because we still contacted each other on a daily basis during that time.

 

I have been doing unhealthy things like pondering over their sex life or the way they were. I hate this woman he went out with and I get nightmares about her. Overall, its pretty bad and its affecting the relationship to great lengths. I need to bring the trust back but I don't know how..He doesn't want to go to a relationship counselor and tells me that with time, the trust will come back..I don't know what to do..I just know that I love him very much but his little fling is killing me..

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you asking him if he saw anybody when you were broken up is none of your business to be honest. sounded like he knows you would flip if he said yes, so he fudged it. bad on his part? ehhh, to an extent. lying? yeah it is, but look at your reaction now, i probably would have told you it's none of your business. you sound like the kind of girl that would probably get mad at that response and say you want a yes or no answer.

 

when you really want to be someone's one and only, you don't break up.

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Look, I know I made a mistake and I paid my part for it.And, no ..I didn't get mad because he saw someone..its all the lies..My problem here is not about him...its about me! And, I have clearly accepted that..I have trust issues and I just need help so that I can work on them...I don't flip out on anything and everything..I just know that its the lies that eventually screw a relationship..

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My mind is being destructive..I can tell you that..And, I hate her because she hid the fact that she had a std..and we didn't find out about her having it until later..We got tested, its all good but it doesn't make her a good person..Other than that, this guy was my first bf..my first everything..he was the first guy I had kissed and been with...I never had to live with the fact that he had been with someone else after he had met me...We do have a significant age difference..so he saw people before me and that's all in his past so it never bothers me..

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He didnt OWE you the truth. Look at it from his point of view. You broke up with him, he tried to move on, he got you back, he was happy with this. you ask him a difficult question and he avoids the truth because he doesnt want you to react like this and you invaded his privacy.

 

Did he lie to you when you were together before? if not I cant see why you cant start FRESH, leave the past in he past and make this work,.

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He didn't lie to me when we were together...I see your point here..I KNOW I am dwelling too much on the past when its my fault in the first place...Its stupid..but sometimes my mind gets the better of me and I go all paranoid..I just need to talk to people to get this in perspective and that's exactly what I've been trying to do..

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Lol...are you serious?!! Ever heard of a youngin making a mistake?! I told a lie I did not even know I was telling? Come on!

 

You're right...thanks!

 

You are welcome. Now go out and have a clean slate and healthy relationship with him. Don't forget we are all human and imperfect; therefore, learn to discern what makes a for a solid relationship communication.

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Your boyfriend should not have lied. It doesn't matter that you two were broken up, if you are trying to re-build a relationship then it is best to be honest or else it creates a fracture in the relationship. I can understand why you are upset if it is simply about the lying..but clearly it is more than about the lying, it is about the fact that he was with someone else. The thing is, you dumped him, you were the one who got cold feet..so as they say "you make your bed and you lie in it". You made the choice to end the relationship and therefore he was a free agent. Don't get angry at this woman, she might not have known about her STD...the fault is with your boyfriend on that because he chose to sleep with her. The other woman did nothing wrong except she was stupid to go after someone who was clearly on the rebound. The other woman is not the one who did wrong here..you did for dumping your boyfriend in the first place..and then he did by lying to you about his rebound. Time to wipe the slate clean...both of you were wrong..time to let it go...own up to the mistakes each of you made and vow to do better next time. If he didn't lie to you in the past then focus on what his history has been, not this aberration.

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He lied. At the same time, it's reasonable to think that he didn't want you to not give him a second chance or whatever...was trying to make a good impression.

You also did something wrong by going into his emails. Clearly the two of you don't trust the other enough to start out on a healthy foot, here. You think he's lying and to prove you're right you violate his privacy to find out he DID lie, probably to save his a** from this exact fight you're having.

As for hating the "other girl"....she was a single girl dating a single guy. The fact that you need to hate HER on top of everything makes you seem generally mistrustful, angry and grudge-holding.

I hope you're able to work this out to your satisfaction.

Best wishes.

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