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Tell the person you're dating when you get hit on?


russ978

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"Great News : cable guy is on time. Bad News : It is the one from last time that wanted to finish the job on a friday night. He remembers me."

 

When you are dating someone, do you tell them when someone flirts with you? It is always a little bit of an ego trip and flattering when someone from the opposite sex shows a little interest with us. Whether it is an actual conversation, a smile, a glance, or someone you work with that you seem to have some chemistry with....

 

In my opinion, there is nothing wrong with acknowledging that the flirtation is there....but it isn't something that I would act on. I wouldn't even feel comfortable telling the person I'm dating about it because it is something that I prefer to handle on my own. There isn't any good to come from telling them about how you got hit on.

 

You can try and portray yourself as the valient hero of the story that said nothing or shot them down by telling them that you were dating someone but in the end, my perception often turns into "you got hit on, I wish you hadn't told me, I know you're attractive, that is why I'm dating you, but I don't want to hear about everytime someone tries to poach you because I honestly view that as a round about way of saying 'I have options other than you'"

 

The person I'm currently dating seems to tell me about a lot of times when she is hit on. It makes me uncomfortable, but I don't want to tell her not to share things with me. I also don't want her to know that it makes me jealous because then she either feels bad for being attractive or just won't tell me. I trust her not to do anything, I just don't like the idea of her flaunting that she has options in my face. I choose not to tell her when I'm hit on out of respect for her.

 

Am I thinking this through with a flaw? Do you tell the person you're dating when you are hit on? Should you tell them when you are hit on? Do you feel jealous when told about them being hit on?

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I tell my partner if someone hits on me because I like to share everything in the relationship. I don't tell him to make him jealous. I just tell him because its good to share things. And I dont like hiding anything.

 

I mean especially if your out in public cos then someone might say 'I saw so and so hitting on your gf' And he'd be like 'Oh I know!'

 

You have to judge whether she is telling you because she wants to share and be genuine. or if she is telling you to make you jealous/cause drama

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I would tell mine, just as he tells me when it happens to him. Its a life event, no big deal. I trust him 100% that he isn't going to act on it, and I know he feels the same about it me.

 

Plus - and maybe I am just weird - I think its a bit flattering to know I am the woman who is with the man all the other women want. Look at it that way, the cable guy may want her, but you have her.

 

As far as feeling jealous, no, not at all. I know that my SO has no intentions of going anywhere and he doesnt want to be with anyone but me. I am very secure in that. Women could come on to him all day, thats fine because he is coming home with me that night!

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You don't all feel that you have to/need to tell about every incident, do you?

 

I tell sometimes and don't others...because sometimes it's a good story and other times I just forget about it/don't care about it etc.

 

I don't think it's a big deal, as long as both people are secure w/ the relationship

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You don't all feel that you have to/need to tell about every incident, do you?

 

I tell sometimes and don't others...because sometimes it's a good story and other times I just forget about it/don't care about it etc.

 

I don't think it's a big deal, as long as both people are secure w/ the relationship

 

I dont feel like Im obliged too. I just do.

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its not something that i usually remember throughout the day. Yea, its flattering and adds an extra pep to my step, but i usually only tell my partner if there is a funny story behind it. we trust one another.

 

I dont mind when he tells me either. I kinda like knowing bc in my mind it means he isnt afraid to share things with me. I usually just laugh and shrug it off bc i know if he wanted to do something or enjoyed it a little too much, he wouldnt tell me.

 

I know he is attractive. I would be silly to think other women didnt find him so every once in a while.

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I understand it isn't usually communicated to throw it in the person's face. I've been cheated on before so maybe that is where the concern comes from.

 

They tell me 'I got hit on' I hear 'So, I had an opportunity to cheat on you today'...

 

Is it something worth bring up with them that I'd rather they not tell me when people flirt with them? Maybe say something like 'I trust you and know you wouldn't cheat, but when you tell me something like that, I sometimes need a little reassurance that I'm the only one you have eyes for'?

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but I don't want to hear about everytime someone tries to poach you because I honestly view that as a round about way of saying 'I have options other than you'"

 

I would only want to be with someone that did have other options besides me.

 

 

Am I thinking this through with a flaw? Do you tell the person you're dating when you are hit on? Should you tell them when you are hit on? Do you feel jealous when told about them being hit on?

 

You don't have to tell them. I guess it would really depend on what type of relationship you have. Personally, I would like to be in a relationship with somebody where it's ok to talk about those things, and it has never made me jealous.

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I rarely tell my bf about it as there's no need. He already knows it happens. I'd rather talk about us than what some random guy said that day. I used to tell him when it happened, but it seemed to be excessive and I didn't want him thinking I am trying to make him jealous by telling him about what other guys say so much. I still tell him if it's something that was offensive, or particularly funny.

 

Generally, it doesn't bother him but I try to just not say anything in case he'd rather not hear about it. I can definitely see why it would make a person jealous. I admit I'd be quite jealous if I found out other girls were hitting on him, as he's never told me anything about that except for one experience years ago. I can totally understand your feeling like you need reassurance. I feel terrible thinking of it, though I don't know what causes that.

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That situation is quite different from just a random catcall or a random guy running up asking for a numer. I can't explain it completley, but it's a guy with a motive and an old one at that. In otherwords, serious competition, and a threat, and as your boy, I'd be worried some day you won't come home to me - you'll run off with him!

 

You getting hit on is one thing, you getting hit on and piccked up by your friends is a completely different story!

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Ok, I got it now.

 

The random boys don't know you're with somebody, so its compeltley innocent.

 

Your freidns, though, do know you're with somebody, or should at least have the courtesy to ask before they start making moves.

 

If they make moves on you when they do know you're seeing someone, or they have purposely not asked if you're seeing someone to circumvent that shut down, then they are purposely disrespecting the relationship between me and you. No matter what their reasons for doing it are, they are putting you in a position to either break off the relationship or cheat, two huge negatives for our relationship. And these interactions could have a collateral effect over time, as more and more of these advances slowly errode your commitment and feeligns toward our relationship.

 

Hence, friends are bad...especially friends who don't have anybody else and would gladly have you as their anybody else!

 

THAT is what gets boys mad!

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I usually tell my boyfriend when someone is hitting on me.. then again I usually tell him everything, so it's no big deal to me. If he was telling me that someone was hitting on him, I'll take it as a compliment because they obviously see the same things I see in him.

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