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Seem to always get stuck or mess it up


male2008

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Hi

 

so Im not sure what the problem is. Im very good at meeting woman, getting one night stands and charming them in the beginning. I get nummbers and Im not shy or get stuck when talking to them. I have girls approching me alot at my bouncing gig. I also have girls talking to me at Uni and through friends.

 

But it seems like I always mess up in the follow up or after a couple of dates it fizzels out.

 

I need help. I dont know where I go wrong.

 

3 examples. I meet a girl at my bouncing gig, she really likes me and askes me for my nummber and tells me 3 times to call her. I call her and we go out, then she leaves town for a couple of weeks but returns always on the weekend where we meet and go out, I cook for her we take walks and talks. Then she kisses me and we make out a couple of times and everything seems to go fine. Then suddenly when she leaves again, she sends me a text saying "Hi had a great time with you, so much fun. but Im not sure about where my head is...... your a great guy and I dont want to mess with your head if Im unsure..." I text her back "Ok no problem." then she sends a again a messege "Im really sorry......."

 

Im at a club, meet a young girl, everything goes really well. Her friend starts defendind that the age gap is ok, that love can be found no matter the age.... We text a bit casual and breazy then I text her and she never texted back.

 

Then there is another example which follows the same pattern. I meet her out on the town. things go great, she even follows me around and when I leave with my buddies she texts me again "where are you want to see you".... then we go out and have dinner. Its a text book good date. Then again it goes wrong. Suddenly I get the text. Same "your really sweet and cute......but Im not sure...."

 

I dont understand because the dates go well. The kissing goes well and its usually them that start it. I dont play it eager or anything.

 

I dont know what the problem is cause, well I have 2 jobs, I go to Uni, I have 2 start up busniesses that are getting of the ground. I work out 5-6 times a week. Im outgoing funny and so on.

 

I think that it might be something about me? I dont behave like the men in my country. Mabey that freaks them out. Im very polite, I pull out the chair and open up doors and so on. Im flirty yet funny.

 

Mabey it could be that Im to comfortable? Im a very nice guy and mabey I need to be a jerk more. Mabey its because I move to fast, I get a nummber, then I wait 2-4 days then text or call get a date and then I text or call 2 days later.

 

I also seem to get a reputation as a player or a flirt. But thing is Im coming out of a 3 year relationship which was a bad relationship. Its been 4-5 months since then. when I was in the relationship I never flirted or hit on other girls. i cant say the same for my ex (boys not girls).

 

I dont know where Im going wrong and its stressing me out now. There is one difference though between these and my exes in the past. With my exes in the past it went all very naturally, just boom boom boom and done. With these girls I seem to be stuck in some game I dont play or want to play.

 

Please advice, Im afraid I will never get out of this rud

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how fast do you fly into kissing and making out?

i doubt anyone here will have a great shot at identifying why you are running these girls off.. but something (and i dont think its the polite stuff) is throwing them off you...

 

or perhaps you are picking flakey women.

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well thats a problem here where I live, girls dont like to be hit on except in club scences or if they know someone you know. I dont have time to join a dance class or something like that Im working 60 hours a week when you combine school, my companies and work.

 

Honestly the kissing I dont fly into it, they usueally initiate it.

 

But the part of flaky might be true. mabey Im picking the wrong girls. Alot of them are very young and my friends have said, that they seem "flaky" or some other words for it.

 

I just hate the fact that its so easy for me to pick them up, get the phone nummber. But when it comes to it, i want a relationship. Mabey alot of them sense that I want more and because of their age or flakyness they arent ready for something serious.

 

Mabey I need to stop searching and just enjoy picking up girls. Who knows mabey that will make them want more. But Im just not that type, I mean I will date and meet a lot of girls. But I really just want a GF.

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yeah boom, mabey Im just having a streak of unlucky hits. there are though 3 girls I really like and know would be great.

 

A sister of my friends wife, Im working on that.

A girl Im flirting with but she has been out of town for some time but is coming back

and a girl at work, but she is in a bad relationship. But still a relationship and I dont hit on girls in a relationship.

 

I will also admit, I hate when the thought creeps in my mind " my ex is probably doing alot better with guys lining up". Its a stupid thought but still gets me and usueally comes late at night when im alone.

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Mabey I need to stop searching and just enjoy picking up girls. Who knows mabey that will make them want more. But Im just not that type, I mean I will date and meet a lot of girls. But I really just want a GF.

 

You know how many guys in millions would want to be like you? I'd say enjoy it & I'm sure the right woman will come along

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yeah boom, mabey Im just having a streak of unlucky hits. there are though 3 girls I really like and know would be great.

 

A sister of my friends wife, Im working on that.

A girl Im flirting with but she has been out of town for some time but is coming back

and a girl at work, but she is in a bad relationship. But still a relationship and I dont hit on girls in a relationship.

 

I will also admit, I hate when the thought creeps in my mind " my ex is probably doing alot better with guys lining up". Its a stupid thought but still gets me and usueally comes late at night when im alone.

 

Yeah, know that you're talking to a loser in me, lol. My experience comes from failure, and (bold) is what I know well. Sounds like you got a lot of confidence in your ability, which is way cool. I say it would be most excellent if you keep at what ur doing.

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Honestly, some people learn what they want in a partner by going through a long string of failed relationships. Others date just one person and learn what they want from a string of failures. And still others (probably most people) are in the middle of those two extremes. What really matters is that you eventually do learn what you want, and then you can recognize it when the right person comes around.

 

Sounds like you are learning things about yourself and things about what you want in a partner, so that's good. You're making progress! Focus on that and you should be fine.

 

Also, don't pay any attention to your ex. It won't help you at all. What really matters for you is for you to figure out what you want, and to find yourself your perfect partner. (Notice how many times I used a form of the word "you" in that last sentence.)

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male2008, are you perhaps in the UK? It's funny, because your situation here reminds me of what another eNA poster here (Mustang, I believe his name is) has gone through. He's in the UK as well, and he is in a band. I would imagine that the same kind of flakey immature girls are going to the club that you are a bouncer for as are also going to Mustang's music shows.

 

Perhaps it really is the type of girls that you are going out with. Also, it seems like these girls are throwing themselves at you (oh, you poor man you! ), so maybe hat's also a common link.

 

It sounds like you've got the whole Tall, Dark, and Handsome schtick going on (again, you poor man!) , and maybe girls see that and see a Player, and they are a bit afraid.

 

Well, I wouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth here, to be honest. If you seem to have an easy time attracting women and not much problem in conversing and interesting them, then I don't think it will take you too long before you find the girl that is right for you that will want a relationship. The faster you go through them, the sooner you will find the right one, and know what you want as well.

 

Sure, there's going to be some disappointment in your future, but look at it this way - you don't have the same disappointment that is regular Joe's have of NOT getting a lot o dates and then the ones you do get fail!

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Thank you guys. feels good to read these posts and you guys are right. Im reading to much into it. I should be happy to have such an easy time to meet girls and just wait until mrs right comes along.

 

In the mean time, not over think it, not worry to much and just have fun.

 

Tim bone your right I think Im meeting these flakky girls cause Im meeting club girls. I will have to endure their attacks until mrs right comes.

 

Well I gotta go get ready for a date, got another one next week with a good potentional. Lets hope one of them is the right one

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Well this date was a bust. She was cute, but flaky as hell. Late to come over about 45 min, then she had already eaten and we where going to order food. Then on the phone. She made a move but I kind of shot it down.

 

I just didnt feel it. Now Im sitting alone at home, doing a market strategy for the new clothing company Im launching. Pretty sad stuff

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Well this date was a bust. She was cute, but flaky as hell. Late to come over about 45 min, then she had already eaten and we where going to order food. Then on the phone. She made a move but I kind of shot it down.

 

I just didnt feel it. Now Im sitting alone at home, doing a market strategy for the new clothing company Im launching. Pretty sad stuff

 

I'd have shot her down, too. Doesn't sound like she had many good personality traits from first impression.

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Good on ya, male2008. You should have shot her down after that sorry display of her dating prowess.

 

Well, that's one less in your line of finding Miss Right! Onto the next. Hope she's better than this last one - though that doesn't sound like it would be too hard!

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12 Reasons You Can Find Love
12 Reasons You Can Find Love

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