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eikal
All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You
All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You

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okay, so me and my girlfriend broke up. The reason was she had interest in another guy and i didn't think it was fair to me or her so i ended. Now i know i did the right thing there. However, i believe alot of the reasons she became interested in another guy was because i became kind of stale in the relationship. I never did anything special anymore and was kind of lazy. Now the break up kind of woke me up from my so called "coma" and I want to change for the better and show her that i've changed. Now i've already taken drastic steps to changing (i used to be quite slobbish looking, i now dress quite dashing.)(i also am more out going with friends). Now this is what i am so confused cause there are sites that say no contact will bring her back but some say staying CASUAL friends works best. Could i just have some advice and oppinions on this subject. I am able to handle myself when around her i already have. I don't break down and cry cause i can control my feelings and im not THAT distressed i just liked what we had going. Right now im doign no contact but im just not sure if that's the best thing considering i want to get back with her. I wont be horribly crushed if we won't either. But i'd rather get back So what's your oppinoin? No contact or friends? I can handle both! Neither will hurt me in anyway!

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Try telling this to her?? Tell her that you changed and if she wants she will come back to you if not then not worth waisting any thime with her...

 

Or the easier way is to go and find someone else XD but i would go with the first option

 

Good Luck!

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Whether or not NC is the best way forward usually depends on the background of the relationship and break-up.

 

It sounds to me as if you have had the kick up the butt you needed and worked on yourself. Do you hang out in the same places or with the same people? Are you likely to see her out and about? If so I would wait until then to make casual contact and for you to show off your new and improved self instead of trying to make any proper contact with her, at this delicate stage, it is more likely to work against you.

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see this is what gets me, this girl is good XD, she asks so many questions. HOW can i be mysterious cause if i say i gotta go she will say do what or osmething and ill tell her.. and if i don't she thinks im just trying to make her jealous which i dont want. so how do i go about this?

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Man... cut the crap.. call her right now and tell her that you decided to change and want another chance... don't waist your time anymore

 

That won't work. Right now she is feeling very emotional and confused. It happens to everyone in break ups. Right now the OP should just back off for atleast 3 months to work on himself.

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try calling her after midnight... late at night... wake her up and tell her that you really had to call XD and tell her that you love her and bla bla bla.. you know the rest XD

 

back up for 3 months?? thats a lot of time don't you think?? in 3 months i would forget about her XD and find someone else, someone better xD

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try calling her after midnight... late at night... wake her up and tell her that you really had to call XD and tell her that you love her and bla bla bla.. you know the rest XD

 

back up for 3 months?? thats a lot of time don't you think?? in 3 months i would forget about her XD and find someone else, someone better xD

 

I see that you are 16 years old, not saying that's a horrible thing, but I was once your age and thought that doing things like that was perfectly fine. Boy was I wrong.

 

You do sound like a very cute and romantic kid, I'm sure you'll make someone else very happy in the future (if that's not already happening).

 

3 months does sound like a long time, but it really isn't. A lot can happen in 3 months- The biggest concern would be the OP's ex getting a new boyfriend by then.

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A lot can happen in 3 months

 

It all depends on how you see life... I'm trying to make the best out of my life while i can... who know what will happen tomorrow

 

You do sound like a very cute and romantic kid

 

I know I'll make someone happy... but until then i need to wait at the moment i make my pets, family and friends happy XD nothing more...

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try calling her after midnight... late at night... wake her up and tell her that you really had to call XD and tell her that you love her and bla bla bla..

 

Gawd, please don't! You'll look needy or she'll think you're drunk dialling. Neither of those will gain her respect.

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Yeah... don't listen to Edi. (sorry, I know that sounds harsh but I'm just thinking back to when I was 17 and going through my first break up... gosh I would have done things COMPLETELY different).

 

I've been off/on with my ex since high school (we're both 22). We had been together for about a year and I was SO in love with him. The first time we broke up I was a wreck. Then I realized that I didn't have any friends that weren't his too. I basically had no where to go so I stuck around. We even ended up in FWB and I found out he was exploring with other girls at the same time. I was CRUSHED. That was when I backed off. I didn't go into NC but more LC (not going over to his house to hang out all the time). The break up only lasted a summer, but by the end of it he wanted to get back together again.... It lasted 3 months.

 

This time I go into LC (couldn't do NC. We were seniors at this point and were in every class/club together). I don't really know if he did any "exploring" at this point and I don't want to know. It's better that way. I started concentrating on myself. The breakup lasted for 5 months and we were back together by prom.

 

We end up going to the same college and are together for about a year. He wanted to break up once because he wanted to "try other people." I was pissed and told him to F* off and went into NC for 3 days. He ended up following me to an event that I was at and parked his car in front of mine so I couldn't leave and begged me back. I took him and things were great for the next 5 months... until he wanted to break up again (GOD I KNOW I LOOK SO STUPID!)

 

We break up again... and this time he jumps into a relationship immediately after with a complete stranger! I was crushed! I really thought it was over! I went into NC and he didn't contact me until my birthday almost 3 months later. We were either NC or LC for the entirety of their relationship and I was seeing other people as well. They break up after 6 months and we end up fooling around until I say I want a relationship and then he doesn't want one. NC AGAIN for 2 months until I call him and say that I'm tired of fighting and just want us to be good again.

 

We start talking (just as friends) and before I know it, we're back together after almost a YEAR. This time around it lasted for about 2.5 years with us living together for the last year. The last 4-6 months of the relationship was a bit rough because of finances, jobs, school, depression... and the last straw was having to move back in with our parents because the landlord didn't want to renew our lease. I thought we were just having a rough patch and would get through it. Then the ex is the best man in a wedding the week before the break up and I think it scared him. He breaks up with me out of the blue and starts giving me reasons that don't make any sense....

 

The break up was two months ago. I've been over 40 days NC and I don't know what to think or what is going to happen or if there is any hope...

 

I know I look like a fool, but my heart goes out to him. This is starting to look like a classic case of GIGS.

 

I guess what I'm saying is that the times the relationship lasted the longest was when I wasn't at his beckon call and gave him the space that he asked for.

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By the way, I should mention that each time I went into NC I didn't know it as "No Contact." I didn't think about how it is supposed to be time for you to heal and how it might make the ex miss you and all that...

 

I really thought it was done and there was nothing else I could do.

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okay, she's gone out with the same guy twice unfortunately. But that's okay cause i've also been with some friends of my own. I know she just wants to see whats out there. But also this is my last year of school before i go off with my life and maybe even never see her again. So time is of the essence and i must use it wisely. I need to shorten the 3 months... also it's her birthday in 3 days. do i say happy birthday? or do i not contact and which then causes her to think about me? im thinking the second one but ALSO i don't want her to think that i'm totally over her and she should just move on with her life. Like i want her to get small "tastes" of me but how do i go about this without making myself vulnerable for disaster?

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okay, she's gone out with the same guy twice unfortunately. But that's okay cause i've also been with some friends of my own. I know she just wants to see whats out there. But also this is my last year of school before i go off with my life and maybe even never see her again. So time is of the essence and i must use it wisely. I need to shorten the 3 months... also it's her birthday in 3 days. do i say happy birthday? or do i not contact and which then causes her to think about me? im thinking the second one but ALSO i don't want her to think that i'm totally over her and she should just move on with her life. Like i want her to get small "tastes" of me but how do i go about this without making myself vulnerable for disaster?

 

You could send her a casual text just saying, "Happy Birthday. but that's breaking NC. But it's all up to you.

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But okay, i want to hear everyoens oppinion on this it helps so much. Would it be better to do contact on her bday or no contact. I know contacting her shows that i care... but not contacting her might make her think of me OR it could make her think im totally over her. she also found out that i have already been with another girl as well so that plus not contacting her on her bday might result in her thinking its over for sure. Ahhhhhhh it's so confusing.

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OP, hearing your story feels like talking to a mirror. I faced a situation that was largely similar. With one MAJOR difference. My girl left me for another guy. I too was a jerk to her and ignored her needs although I always loved her. Now there is a reason why I am telling you this. If you have realized what you should have done and are willing to do it now, walk upto her and tell her. Don't go NC. It is not a wise thing to do for you. Trust me, sooner or later she is going to find a new guy and then you are going to rue it. Look at it this way: You can try to talk to her and get her back. If that doesn't work, you always have NC. NC is not going anywhere. However, you may lose the chance to get her back if you let too much time pass. This is my take on it.

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