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Dating a Guy that has been hurt


Japanfreak05

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The guy I'm talking to was hurt badly by his ex. He's still dealing with it and still has feelings for the girl. I like him a lot and I know he has feelings for me too, but he can't bring himself to let go cuz he's been hurt.

 

I was in a relationship for 4 years and I was hurt too. So I know how he must feel, but I'm not exactly sure what I should do. What should I say to him? He won't admit he's hurt, but you just know based off how he acts and what he says.

 

I know I can't change him. Not trying to. But I wish I knew what to do! He knows I am a good person but he is in this 'tryin to be a bad boy' mode and wants to be single, not ready for a relationship.

 

I guess I have 2 options, move on or wait. What do you think I should do? What do you think about this situation?

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dont say anything to him. go extremely slow.

its a terrible sign that he isnt over his ex yet though. been there, done that, got smashed to pieces.

on top of that you have the added negative of 'he wants to be single'

so... enter at your own risk.

 

but honestly and sadly it doesnt look good for you.

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I would suggest walking away. If you remain friends with him you will want to date him and he wants to be single. If he actually does have feelings for you then your absence will not change that. Being readily available to him even as a friend won't suddenly make him change his mind or even choose you to date once he gets over his ex. If you remain his friend he could still very well choose to date someone else. Don't get mixed up with someone who is still pining for an ex and has said he wants to be single...or else you will get very hurt down the line.

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Last night he finally opened up about his past!!

 

He told me that his ex gf cheated on him, he knew she cheated but she kept lying to him about it. He stays with her for a few months and then decides to break it off. She then comes running back and he said no. Then when he says maybe they could work it out, she's already with someone else. This happened in 2006.

 

He is afraid of relationships cuz he is afraid to get hurt. My ex did the same thing to me except me and my ex were together almost 4 years. I told him the right person won't hurt you and that it happens to us nice people.

 

We hung out a few nights ago and he always looks in my phone (I don't have anything to hide from him. I think its kinda cute) he sees that I text this guy Ron about "thanks for dinner! I had a great time" etc. He sends Ron a text from my phone (something sexual) and now Ron won't talk to me. Even tho I explained it was my friend that sent it. That was wrong, but it does prove he is jealous.

 

So now that I know all this...what do I do now!?!? If he wanted to be with ME he would be with ME right? Regardless of being afraid. I'm scared too but if it was anyone I'd want to be with it would be him.

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Wait, what??? He looks through your phone? Uh, big red flag. I would never let a guy that I just started dated look through my phone. He has no reason to. If I'm not his girlfriend, it's none of his business what I'm doing. AND he sends people texts from your phone? wow. I'd be done at that point.

 

He's afraid of relationships because he got hurt 3 flippin 3 years ago? Sounds like malarkey, the pity party should be over by now. He will use this as an excuse to not trust YOU, even though you have done nothing wrong. He has already shown he will be controlling and manipulative.

 

Why are you so hellbent on trying to fix this guy? You can't fix him. I see nothing but drama and heartache in your future with him.

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whoa... just hold the phone a minute, he's severely scarred because of his ex, you two arent even together and he looks through your phone and texts the people you talk to with inappropriate things?... and you still want to 'change him' or date him???

match made in hell.

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see this is the point, its not that you have nothing to hide, its that he is so paranoid and distrustful that he feels that he MUST invade your privacy in order to feel secure.

insecurity is a huge sign(or cause) of a controller.

i know, i dated one before.

 

its just the beginning.

 

but, if you are really really into him like you say you are... then thats not going to keep you from being ga-ga over him.

feelings suck. i think in this case they will eventually betray you.

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run!!!! run as fast as you can!!!

 

oh no no no - listen you have no idea what i just went through with my ex and it starts off with this sad sob story about how "hurt" they have been and blah blah.

 

Look millions of people are lied to, cheated on, hurt, burned- whatever you want to call it- but not everyone is going through peoples phones and texting friends and ruining friendships.

 

this is not a good situation and if this stuff happened 3 years ago and he is still using it as his excuse - thats a HUGE red flag.

 

i wouldn't even want to be this guys friend-

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Uhh, this guy still won't get over an ex three years ago? Three years?

 

Wow, I would not get involved with this guy with so much emotional baggage. I can fully understand where his insecurities lie, he's been cheated on, it's very hard to move past that, but there comes a time when his ex really shouldn't be on his mind all the time. Especially after years since the break up.

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