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Feel so bad


i miss her 2

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My gf was with me for almost 4 years and we lived together the last 10 months. I have been working the same job since we have been together and I only make $10.25 an hour. I am 26 years old and yes I feel like a loser because I don't have a 4 year degree. I have a 2 year associate of art's degree. I have been pursuing my music and it really is what I'm best at but I haven't really tried hard enough to get it to really take off. So my gf decides to break up in June because we need to be independent to get our lives in order (I told her this once but didn't really mean it). Turns out she was really gonna start dating some other guy who is 22 (and I guess he is more creative and must have more ambitions).

 

She tells me last night that she loved me but lost all faith in me because I could never finish school or decide what i wanted to do and I wasn't motivated. I feel so lost and like such a loser and I don't know how I'm gonna make it on my own or who will even wanna be with me. I don't know what to do...feel so hopeless. Is this the end for me?

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As I said on your other thread - if she is choosing the other guy because he makes, or will make, more money you are better off without her.

 

If you are able to improve your situation, do it for you, not for her.

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There are numerous potential life long partners. Look, don't become motivated and successful just to get girls. You can keep working that current job and use $20 hookers to satisfy your needs. If you want to be successful make sure it's what you want to do and it'll make you personally happy, and if a girl is attracted to that then great. If not, you should still be happy with what you've achieved.

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There are numerous potential life long partners. Look, don't become motivated and successful just to get girls. You can keep working that current job and use $20 hookers to satisfy your needs. If you want to be successful make sure it's what you want to do and it'll make you personally happy, and if a girl is attracted to that then great. If not, you should still be happy with what you've achieved.

 

 

 

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Sometimes these tough times are the catalyst for positive change. It sucks anytime we can look back on something and think "well, why didn't I do this two years ago?" ....but we didn't for whatever reason.

I agree that you shouldn't get a higher paying job or whatever in order to get her back or to meet girls....any life choices you make should be for your own happiness...not someone else's.

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Haha why not to get her back?!

Because she knows you didn't do it for yourself when you had the chance and therefore it isn't sincere.

Imagine this scenario....

My boyfriend doesn't finish school even though I push him a bit. He's more into his music and is content with his job that doesn't pay very much. As I learn more about myself, I decide that I want some of the "finer things in life" (call me a snob...whatever) and I meet someone else who has a little more ambition and who I have a connection with. So I dump my boyfriend, start seeing the new guy ...but b/c of some weird complications we still live together and see/talk to each other. He wants me back so he wants to go back to school or make whatever changes need to be made so he can make more money or whatever. I love him but I'm not breaking up with him b/c he makes $10 an hour....I'm breaking up with him b/c he didn't want more for himself. He didn't care to make changes in a forward direction until it was too late. There is nothing wrong with him....we're just not compatible and don't want the same things. If he wanted more or wanted to go back to school, he'd be DOING IT.

He seems to think that I'm a big snot for wanting more and enjoying myself lately, but why am I bad person for wanting to go out and enjoy myself instead of playing videogames? I'm not a bad person and he's not a bad person. I want things he's not interested in. If all of a sudden he goes back to school and makes more money for ME or in the interest of us getting back together, then what happens when we still don't have fun together? We still don't go out together? Then he'll be like, "I went back to school for YOU and you don't appreciate it!!! You suck!!"

Who would want that??

No, thank you.

So peace be with him but I'm just not into this anymore. It's not about money. It's not about his looks. It's not about his music. It's about me wanting things I'm not getting from this relationship so I'm moving on.

 

 

 

(How's that? My stab at her point of view. You're really "awfulizing" this to interpret it as you being a big, gigantic loser and you can't seem to understand that she's her own person who is not a reflection on you)

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Well, the truth is I want the finer things in life too! DId she give valid reasons for not wanting to be with me? Are you taking her side? It's funny because uh when she first mentioned this guy she goes, "Well you are more fit for me in the long run. You're more mature, have a better idea of what you want to be, and you aren't into substance abuse" lol.

 

I asked her if a person needs to have a 4 year degree to be ambitious and she laughed. They just need to be sure of themself and motivated to do things. I think she thought I started to kind of not take my music too seriously and started considering it "just a hobby" even though I realize it's what I am best at and should really try to make a career out of it. Which btw, the band that I am playing in right now is getting very big around here and we are opening up for national acts and I pointed that out last night but I guess it doesn't matter to her.

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i also pointed out the fact to her that it was ridiculous for her to accuse me of not being sure of myself because I dropped out of being an English major after taking only TWO CLASSES lol. She dropped out of school when she was 9 months away from a teaching degree and she said NOTHING about doing it to me until it was done. Talk about lack of communication right? SHe would be telling me about her classes and what she had to do like everything was fine and then all of a sudden I get a call, "Ryan, I can't take it anymore..I'm dropping out. I don't want to be a teacher." It came out of nowhere.Yeah, I dropped because I realized early on it wasn't for me...she dropped at the last minute when she could have just gone ahead and gotten the degree. I'm pretty sure I know what I want to do now..on my own and I will do it for myself. I'm not doing it for her, but it would have been nice to have her around to support me. SOmetimes it takes people a while to figure out what they want to do for a career. I always kind of had this idea but didn't take the initiative because I was working on other things (mostly music).

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I guess my whole point was that this isn't about YOU. SHE wants different things, a different guy at this point and is moving on to pursue that. Instead of taking it as a reflection on you, focus on understanding that she has changed from when you met her and there will be no confincing her at this point that you're the better choice. She even said that "logically" you might be but the heart is not logical and she's following her heart.

You have to let her go and start worrying about yourself.

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went home today while she was not there to get more stuff and I saw that she is going on a trip with him. Made me feel even more depressed as we never even did this ourselves in the 3 1/2 years we knew each other. Is this pathetic? She is having more fun and doing more things with this guy that we never did and it makes me feel like had I entertained her more we would still be together because I would have kept things more interesting.

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