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manipulation-how to spot


jahur

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hi all, found this very interesting document on the web. its quite scary to think people can be this devious, want to share it with you all!

 

would like to hear your thoughts and your own stories.

 

thanks

 

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Interesting article. I think one of the warning signs of manipulators and users is that they try to project unearned guilt on you.

 

One of the keys to identifying a passive-aggressive manipulator, is to first make the distinction between earned and unearned guilt.

 

See link removed for a good summary of how to do that.

 

I can think of a few characters that were once part of my life that were emotional manipulators.

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Ah yes. I had found this article after breaking up with a guy I was with for 5 years, 19-24. That relationship totally destroyed me and I'm still recovering, almost 9 months later, I expect it will take MUCH longer.

Me, being a naive 19 year old (I don't know how smart all of you were when you were that age, LOL!) fell under this mans power very easily. He was ten years older so I figured he was more experienced and therefore more knowledged than me. Two months into the relationship (which was serious from the get go) he had picked off all my friends. I had TONS of friends, both male and female, and the guys went first. He told me, "Guys aren't just friends with girls. The only reason a guy would be a friend with a girl is because he wants to #*$& her, somewhere down the road. They never just like you for you, they like you for your p#*&y." Well ok then, I believed him. Then he started in with all my girl friends. "Well....she's a sl%t. You shouldn't hang around her cause other people will think you're a sl%t too. This girl is f$*ing crazy, she's just gonna use you and....blah blah" You get the idea. So within a half year, I had no friends, and only had contact with him, his family, and his friends. Within one year, I was pregnant and living with him at his moms house. Messed up, yes? Looking back on it I wonder why the hell I let this happen, why? He was a loser, he had no car, no money, and lived with his mom, and he was horribly emotionally abusive. When we first started seeing each other, he would come to my apartment EVERY night, with lots of booze, weed, and a plethora of prescription drugs, Oxycontin mostly, and he would get me soooo wasted (He never did any of this, except drink occasionally) and he would just...talk to me all night. He had this smooth, hypnotic voice, and he would tell me about his life, all the people that had wronged him, his crazy b$^%# ex girlfriend, and how I should conduct myself. He would push all the buttons, all my insecurities, I should care above all else what other people thought of me, mostly him. I need to be a nice, subserviant trophy he could lock away in a cage, because "Women are like precious diamonds. They should be locked away and adored in private, because if they are flaunted another man will try to steal them." Seriously. No joke. And I believed it. For five years. It was brainwashing, no doubt. Undoing all the programming he had put in my head is taking its toll on me, I still battle with self esteem issues, I still am paranoid of what he thinks of me, even though I havent seen him in 5 months. And you want to know what? He is completely convinced that I'm going to come back to him. Because he knows that being on my own now is the most challenging thing I've ever done, with a four year old daughter. He's not paying me any child support, he doesn't try to see her. He's holding out because he knows I'm so damaged and unable to live without him telling me what to do and validating my existence that I'm going to come running back. Well, f#*k you buddy!

I think everyone should read that article. The ones that are subtle in their aggression, the ones that mask it as "caring" or "helping" are the easiest to fall for unless you see it. Don't make the same mistake I did. Even as 5 years doesn't seem as bad as 18 years or longer, I'm a complete wreck, in therapy, diagnosed as bipolar, on all kind of medications for everything from panic attacks to horrible nightmares. I try to keep it together for my daughter, for our future, but it's so incredibly challenging. Sometimes, I wish I could go back in time and just punch him in the face the first time he started to isolate me or the first time he told me "You're hard to love. You're so messed up in your head I can't deal with it. But I love you. I will save you with my love. I'm going to try my damndest to keep it together and help you, but jeez...you're just so hard to love."

F$&k you, buddy. May you never do this to another woman again.

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wow wow wow, what a story! her husband raped her, had numerous affairs and was shacked up with a women whilst she was in hospital on her death bed. now this could be the cover story, the victim here. what would you believe? how can you spot if its the caring loving wanna help you type or if its genuine, i only have her word for it. she's quite happy for him to stay over when shes not at home with the kids (hes with brother) i mean this guy raped her! how it happened was when she had had enough of his so called bs she had an affair with a family friend, she claimed she was looking for love. now when it all came out it went really bad. now one evening some 1 year ago, her ex husband to be said if you dont have sex with me i will do everything in my utmost to stop you seeing the 4 children. now she is as strong as an ox and 5' 11", im confused, is this a whitewash, the victim, to gain sympathy, i dont know, she never reported it to the police.

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Silent Treatment = Abuse (Here’s ...
Silent Treatment = Abuse (Here’s Why)

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