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I dont think I am just comparing here


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Lately I have been going out with friends, functioning in errands, activities, communication with people/strangers with a positive, outgoing, friendly, attitude. I am not going to settle for the first person who smiles at me, but wont disregard any oppurtunities I guess. Any way, I really dont think I am comparing girls to my ex here, I think I am just seeing them for their personality, that being said all the girls I have conversed with are just really empty, shallow, boring snobby women. I am not finding anything intresting about them but some of their looks I guess, not enough to hold it. Whats going on here? lol, maybe I need to go to start going to the library again to meet someone. My relationships with partners have always been through school and work, maybe cause thats whats takes up most of my time and it is more convieneint, dunno, any one else only meet people through their daily "responsibilities"?

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Perhaps you are just not ready or looking/hoping too much. Having said that, I feel the same, everyone I talk to just seems boring and miserable compared to my ex-boyfriend (rather like my ex-husband actually

 

You will meet someone one day, you just need to relax and focus on having fun in the meantime. These things usually happen when we are least expecting them.

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Perhaps you are just not ready or looking/hoping too much. Having said that, I feel the same, everyone I talk to just seems boring and miserable compared to my ex-boyfriend (rather like my ex-husband actually

 

You will meet someone one day, you just need to relax and focus on having fun in the meantime. These things usually happen when we are least expecting them.

 

yeh I know, thats good advice. I guess we need to distinguish here, that other people are not our ex. regardless like I said everyone I have met is so superficial and into their looks its safe to say that I would not be able to have a meaningful conversation that didnt involve their hair color or shoes.

 

I guess thats another thing I miss about my ex, the relationship was built on a good friendship and similarities, we had good conversations and she was an open minded deep girl. Sometimes I really wonder what her new boyfriend is like? better to not know though.

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The thing is when we are comparing like this, whether the person is like-minded or not, it simply means we are not over our exes.

 

When we first meet someone the conversation doesn't always flow easily to start with and that is when we resort to "isn't the weather lovely today" or "I bleached my hair today" d'oh!! I'm sure your ex mentioned her hair to you on more than one occasion or asked you how she looked but because she was your ex any shallowness that you might see in others just woudn't have been evident to you in your ex.

 

I think you are just not ready yet and it is all perfectly normal and understandable. Right now as far as I am concerned no-one on this earth is ever ever ever going to compare to my ex, no-one is ever going to make an impact on me like he did, teach me the things that he did, show me the things that he did, never am I going to share the strange but magical moments I have had with my ex (has anyone else out there drunk champagne knee deep in sheep poo?!) ... yet I know deep down my soul mate is out there, somewhere, maybe searching for me ... lol.

 

We just have to be patient. It takes time to find someone truly special.

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I don't believe that there is anyone special for me. The person I thought was special and different turned out to be the same old same old crappy person who didn't understand me and just viewed me as someone to make fun of. It was like high school all over again, with his little clique I was excluded from and the woman he ended up marrying was part of that hoity toity clique that made fun of people like me who didn't "fit in" to what their notion of "fitting in" was all about. My ex, the nerd, I assumed fit in with other nerds like me..but in reality he fit in with the stuck up crowd because Mr. Nerd also happened to have power..and when you have power people ignore your nerdiness and want to ride on the coattails of the power.

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I don't believe that there is anyone special for me. The person I thought was special and different turned out to be the same old same old crappy person who didn't understand me and just viewed me as someone to make fun of. It was like high school all over again, with his little clique I was excluded from and the woman he ended up marrying was part of that hoity toity clique that made fun of people like me who didn't "fit in" to what their notion of "fitting in" was all about. My ex, the nerd, I assumed fit in with other nerds like me..but in reality he fit in with the stuck up crowd because Mr. Nerd also happened to have power..and when you have power people ignore your nerdiness and want to ride on the coattails of the power.

 

There is someone out there for you CAB, as there is for all of us. I think we have a hard time in believing it when we are feeling negative (and right now I am having a hard time believing) but deep down I trust that there is someone out there for me and for everyone.

 

I really do think we need to relax and focus on ourselves and not on finding someone to fill that empty space. When we are miserable, even when we try hard not to be, we send out negative vibes which people undoubtedly pick up on and are then put off by them. When we are feeling confident and strong and our vibes are positive we start attracting people to us. Everyone likes to be around confident, happy people. All we need to do is to start believing.

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There is someone out there for you CAB, as there is for all of us. I think we have a hard time in believing it when we are feeling negative (and right now I am having a hard time believing) but deep down I trust that there is someone out there for me and for everyone.

 

I really do think we need to relax and focus on ourselves and not on finding someone to fill that empty space. When we are miserable, even when we try hard not to be, we send out negative vibes which people undoubtedly pick up on and are then put off by them. When we are feeling confident and strong and our vibes are positive we start attracting people to us. Everyone likes to be around confident, happy people. All we need to do is to start believing.

 

Sadly it never made a difference in my life whether I was feeling confident and happy or negative..the outcome relationship-wise was the same. Happy, sad, confident, not confident, angry, content...nothing positive ever happened for me in my love life..and yet I have seen the angriest, most negative and hostile people around still have someone who wants to be their partner.

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Sadly it never made a difference in my life whether I was feeling confident and happy or negative..the outcome relationship-wise was the same. Happy, sad, confident, not confident, angry, content...nothing positive ever happened for me in my love life..and yet I have seen the angriest, most negative and hostile people around still have someone who wants to be their partner.

 

Most of us on here could say that though. In the last two years I have a failed marriage and failed relationship behind me. I never expected that at 41. All around me people seem to be happily plodding along or happily moving from one relationship to another while I still seem to be hankering after my ex and feeling like I wont find anyone that will come close to him.

 

For me now the most important thing to do is to heal and be happy by myself. I feel that it is paramount for me to get to a happy confident place without worrying about having a partner. Then hopefully the rest will fall into place.

 

And you know, those angry, hostile and negative people you talk about ... who knows how long their partners will stick around.

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Most of us on here could say that though. In the last two years I have a failed marriage and failed relationship behind me. I never expected that at 41. All around me people seem to be happily plodding along or happily moving from one relationship to another while I still seem to be hankering after my ex and feeling like I wont find anyone that will come close to him.

 

For me now the most important thing to do is to heal and be happy by myself. I feel that it is paramount for me to get to a happy confident place without worrying about having a partner. Then hopefully the rest will fall into place.

 

And you know, those angry, hostile and negative people you talk about ... who knows how long their partners will stick around.

 

 

The thing is, I have spent my whole life alone..I have gotten used to being by myself and doing things by myself. I don't want just anyone...I want someone I really connect with...the only people I have met that I thought I connected with were basically children in adult bodies. I want to meet a real adult..a responsible adult..a decent, honourable man..and I have not been lucky enough to meet someone like that.

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The thing is, I have spent my whole life alone..I have gotten used to being by myself and doing things by myself. I don't want just anyone...I want someone I really connect with...the only people I have met that I thought I connected with were basically children in adult bodies. I want to meet a real adult..a responsible adult..a decent, honourable man..and I have not been lucky enough to meet someone like that.

 

 

CAD, i honestly don't think luck has anything to do it. If you have been meeting children in adult's bodies then the answer as to why lies in you and the clues is each one of those men. And the answer as to why you haven't met a decent, honourable man probably has more to do with sabotage, ie; following typical negative patterns that you have set up in your unconscious that keeps you stuck with these 'children' you keep meeting. I don't profess to knowing who you are and what makes you tick, but we can't ignore patterns of behaviour as luck, particularly when the patterns are not working.

 

Unless we are prepared to show some courage and do things differently and want to change, we will keep repeating the same patterns. It's a very hard thing to do and it's something that i am fighting with every day, but i am sick and tired of repeating the same self defeating patterns which makes me join sites like this to help me get over brutal heartbreak. The challenge is with us

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