How do I learn to trust and get over this jealousy?

[kat_1967]

Hi Everyone,

 

I need help solving a trust/jealousy problem. I met a guy online eight months ago. It started as a friendly flirtation and has developed into something more serious. He lives thousands of miles from me which is difficult in itself, but I have been to visit him twice in the past two months and he's coming up here to visit next month. We've grown closer and are starting to discuss plans for the future etc., but I have a problem in which I can not seem to get past. He has way to many female friends, especially ones that he has met from the internet. When I was there the last time he just happened to leave his cell phone bill on the table and naturally curiosity got the best of me and I looked at all his calls. Well I was floored to know that he's been spending lots of time chating away to a few woman but one in particular that lives only 15 min away from where he lives or so he tells me. She's in a relationship and has three kids and apparently they have never been more then "just friends" But I ask the question...do friends really talk for 360 minutes in a four day period and if so about what. Not only is this just cell phone calls but text messages throughout the day as well. I was mostly surprised about the timing of the calls as well. They would talk when he first gets up in the morning and then around midnight which is when we usually finish talking or finishing up our chat online. I know her screen name now because I did some fishing around the net and now know when she's online and have become so crazy about the situation I think he's chatting with both of us at the same time. I confronted him and he says I'm being ridicules and that I have no reason to be so insecure and jealous. How can I not knowing that she's 15 minutes away and I really truly don't know how far he has taken the so called friendship and I'm 4 hr plane trip away. This is not the only female friend either he has plenty that text him and call him as well. He swears that they are all just friends and that he's just one of those guys that women like because he knows how to listen. Most of them have husbands, boyfriends as well as kids.

 

I just don't know what to do about this. I don't know if I can just accept this. I know because of my jealousy and remarks that sometimes come out of my mouth I'm pushing him away. I can tell he gets ticked and then leaves me in silence for hours or a day.

 

When we talk about a future, my intention was to relocate which may or not be a good thing at this point because I don't know if I can accept these other woman being in his life knowing he most likely started talking to them the same way he talked to me. Flirting etc.

 

Is this just not meant to be? Am I fooling myself in believing that he is being faithful or am I just being taken for a fool. I want to believe him when he tells me he's being honest but theres something that makes me insecure and I don't know how to get past this.

 

Any advice would be greatly appreciated

[jujigatame]

He's probably just one of those guys with a lot of female friends. It's especially irrational to be jealous because of his "flirtations" with a married woman and a mother of three!

 

On the other hand, what I'd worry the most about is the fact that you're pursuing what is mostly an online relationship. I would personally never attempt this, because the internet gives everyone who uses it a shroud to hide under - online, we do things and say things that maybe we'd think twice about in real life. I've heard many stories about couples who broke apart after finding out that their online romance was built on inflated claims that couldn't hold up face-to-face. I'd figure out as soon as possible whether or not it's worth getting closer to this guy, in both geographic and emotional terms. If there's any doubt either way, move on because you're sure to be missing out on a lot of men who would be far more convenient to romance, and would be easier to trust as well.

 

Just my two cents.