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Said "no" to hanging out as friends


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My ex IMed me last night and as we were talking, said that he would be okay with "hanging out from time to time" as friends. I told him that while that was a nice idea, I was still too sad about the break-up for it to be a *good* idea just yet. He replied, "Understandable" and changed the subject. He then sent me two Facebook messages overnight (not relationship-related), so I haven't alienated him or anything, just made it clear where I am emotionally.

 

The reason why this is such an important event for me is that, the first time we broke up, I did hang out with him as "friends" and he was very flirtatious and I was certain we were going to get back together...until I logged onto Facebook and discovered that "[Ex] is now in a relationship." He had a new girlfriend! He told me I had completely misinterpreted our friendship and he no longer felt anything romantically for me at all. Now, eventually he broke up with the new girl and told me that he actually did still have feelings for me, and we dated for another year. But still, I remember that feeling of being hit by a bus all too well to want to go down that road with him again.

 

So, I'm proud of myself. I think he's probably still feeling conflicted about the break-up, as am I, but I just know from our past history that hanging out as "friends" while we're both still confused is a recipe for total disaster. It would have been so easy to say "yes", but I did what was healthiest for me instead!

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This is such a good decision. I've been in exactly your shoes and still take pride in the way I was able to cut all ties with the ex, even when he was so persistent in us wanting to be 'friends'. We never were friends. We always ended up sleeping together, and in retrospect I know (found out years and years later) that he was even seeing the new gf when he was still 'friends' with me. Oh well. That is her problem then.

 

Yay for you. You took your power BACK!

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This is such a good decision. I've been in exactly your shoes and still take pride in the way I was able to cut all ties with the ex, even when he was so persistent in us wanting to be 'friends'. We never were friends. We always ended up sleeping together, and in retrospect I know (found out years and years later) that he was even seeing the new gf when he was still 'friends' with me. Oh well. That is her problem then.

 

Yay for you. You took your power BACK!

 

yeah no one deserves to be a "back up plan", such nerve and hearache eh

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Thank you for the affirmation, everyone! I do know it was the right thing to do, but still find that little part of myself saying, "Wait, wait, why did you do that?" I'm just reminding that little voice that I've already tried being his friend while broken up and that it did NOT go well!

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