Jump to content

Women want security. Why?


BusyNAbroad

Recommended Posts

It is often said that women seek men who can give them a feeling of security/safety (of which "confidence" is probably one symptom).

 

Why do you think they want it?

 

What's so important about security in a relationship based on two? Shouldn't "true love" be greater than the need for security, break such barriers?

 

Let's say I can't give any security/safety to anyone. Does that make me a total looser in the eyes of women?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It's obvious as to why we want it. We want to know that our boyfriends/husbands are very sure that we are what they want and that they will tell us that and show us that in little/big ways. We want to feel secure with your love. We want to feel needed, wanted, loved.

 

It's a human necessity.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It goes beyond just wanting to be told and shown you are needed and loved...security is also about being able to show your vulnerable side without your partner taking advantage of you, stabbing you in the back or making fun of you in a mean way. Security is about knowing that if you have a problem you can count on your partner to be there for you to help you out as much as he/she can. Security is knowing that you can trust your partner not to betray you in any way, not lie to you, deceive you or malign you to others. This kind of security should be a given in a relationship and should be expected by both partners and offered by both partners.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yes, I forgot to add job security, however job security is sometimes out of our hands...all the credentials in the world may not mean anything when there is a downturn in the economy. I will also say that financial security is also important...both sides should know how to manage their finances so that they are not overspending and getting into needless debt.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

What's so important about security in a relationship based on two? Shouldn't "true love" be greater than the need for security, break such barriers?

 

hahahahahahahahahaha

 

I will tell you something now, while love is important, BIG TRUE LOVE is hardly ever going to come into anyones life, so most people settle for someone they love and feel safe with.

 

Love is hardly ever enough. It has to have a tonne of other compatibilities backing it up.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well this is intersting. I watched a scientific show on this topic last week.

From an evolutionary point a woman is more able to rear a child and not have to provide financial security with a partner who protects..provides for them. He provides a secure anf safe life for them.

It also rated men who were rated on attractiveness via a photo to a group of 100 women. One was voted very attractive..the second guy average and the third was rated unnatractive.

The scientists then wrote a salary figure next each mans photo. The ugly guy was on 1 million....he ended up with the highest attractiveness by women after his salary was written on his photo and the most handsome on looks was given the lowest salary. He ended up in the second survey being the least attractive to women. It seems women are wired thiis way according to that show. They want a man to support them. Also guess which gender was more likely to cheat once security was established? It was the women.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The irony of it is, "security"....like "happiness" (or the oft-spoken-of "closure") is more an internal feeling than anything else. It's not really something someone outside of yourself can give you. It has to come from (primarily) within....otherwise it's highly transitory.

 

Base your sense of "security" on someone other than yourself and you're building on sand.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think people often equate love with a healthy relationship when love is only part of a healthy relationship. Financial security is one of my values and I want my partner to share that value even if there will be times when we are not financially secure. As far as other forms of security, yes, I want to be with a partner who is reasonably secure and confident, otherwise my concern would be that he chose me based far too much on "need" than "want". Insecurity/neediness is a turn off for me.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I want the security of knowing that I've got a level headed guy.

 

I want the security of knowing that he doesn't give up easily in relationships.

 

I want the security of knowing that he's going to be a good father.

 

I want the security of knowing that he really cares for himself.

 

I want the security of knowing that he cares for others more.

 

I want the security of knowing that he's the kind of guy that gets things done.

 

Basing a relationship on love enough isn't enough. I need a partner in crime, a person to balance out my views, someone I can go to if I have problems. Love is wonderful and I'd never marry with out it. I'd also never marry without the feeling of complete partnership.

 

However, love fades. You can get it back but there will be times when you love each other but "aren't in love". You get through those times.

 

It's the partnership and the friendship that holds everything together.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think that "security", as in being there for whoever you're with and being secure enough with them to trust them and open up to them, is something not just women want but people in general. "Security" as in physical or financial security isn't something I really think about when choosing a guy, but I can see how it might be important for women who want to start a family and want a man who can help support and care for the child.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...