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i've done something incredibly stupid : (


dancingfeet
How to Forgive Yourself for Wasting...
How to Forgive Yourself for Wasting Time

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Have you ever done something so stupid but you can't take it back? I feel incredibly foolish and now i don't know how i am supposed to deal with this at all.

 

Basically i have fallen for this guy, we were friends and well me and him decided to go away together. It was while we were away that i fell for him in the worst moment possible. While we were away, we hooked up with some mates of his and one of his mates decided to tell him she liked him, thats when it hit me, i became incredibly jealous and then annoyed at myself for reacting this way. Of course i left them to it and thought that this was a fleeting feeling and it would pass. Next day the mates left and me and him went on our merry way on the rest of our trip, he then went on to talk about this girl, what they got up too and basically now they were an item, i couldn't say a word, there it was again, that stupid feeling and i felt like saying ' i like you, i'm sorry, but i really like you'. I felt like i had betrayed him, myself, the whole friendship.

 

When we got back, it played on my mind and no matter how hard i was trying, that feeling wouldn't leave, so in the end, i emailed him and told him everything. It was an impulsive, selfish thing to do, but now its out there and i can't take it back and guess what, he hasn't responded. I'm not surprised, as it transpires he now really likes this girl and what i have done must appear to be a cruel thing to put on someone, and it is cruel, but i didn't think, thats no excuse i know. The thing is, i have seen him with other girls before and its never bothered me, so why now? Why do i care so much? what should i do? i know i will see him next week and i can't get out of it, i want the ground to swallow me up, i feel absolutely horrible, but i can't help how i'm feeling, i really deeply care about him, please help? any suggestions?

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Relax a little. It really isn't all that bad. Next time you see him just tell him that you didn't mean to impose yourself on him to comprimise the friendship, especially when he had someone else, and if he's your true friend he will forgive you in no time. If you want to smooth out this thing before you see him in person just write another email and tell him the same thing you told us here. This may have been much worse off with a new friend or a stranger but trust me if he's your real friend he will not only not judge you by this but try to feel more comfortable, especially since you poured your heart out. Give it a little time and it will be a done, forgotten deal. To your benefit, at least he knows in the back of his mind how you feel about him so if there will be any feelings that will transpire on his part towards you in the future he will know to put them out there.

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what did you say in the letter exactly?

 

Well i basically told him, how i felt about what happened between him and the girl and that i was jealous, of course i apologised for this. That i understood there was no possibilty of an 'us', but i felt like i was deceiving him as a friend if i wasn't honest. TBH it turned out to be quite a long email, three paragraphs to be exact!!!! but i wasn't gushy or anything like that, or at least i don't think so, i just dont want him to think badly of me, or think i am some kind of lunatic!! I suppose i could copy and paste it here, change the names etc, i don't know, its very personal.

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That's kind of bizarre...he has these friends, one of them female and then she decides to spill out her feelings for him the minute she sees him travelling wtih you..and the minute you see he is interested in another woman, you spill your guts out to him. So both women in this picture only seemed to want him when appearances showed another woman might be in the picture. On his part, he suddenly, just like that, decides to be an item with this other woman. I wonder if he went traveling with you in order to get this other woman jealous and it worked. I think you need to back away from this..something doesn't sit right with all of this and I am not so sure this guy is worth the trouble.

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It's interesting that you think you made so many mistakes, when you only made one, and it's debatable how much control you had to do differently. Yes, you should've let him know you were interested in him sooner and never pretended to have this sham friendship, when in reality it's always been a crush instead. But letting someone know that you're interested in them is never a wrong choice, because you win no matter the outcome. Either they let you know they're interested right back, or you find out they're not and free up your time and emotions to find someone else.

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i think you're brave. imagine if you never told him and much later found out he felt the same.

yes now it's embrassing but as casey13 said a good friend will take it as a compliment. i would email before meeting to let him know you are embrassed and see what the response is. he may be worried about your feelings and not know how to talk to you.

any decent guy will love the compliment.

keep any future emails short so he dosent read too much into them.

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That's kind of bizarre...he has these friends, one of them female and then she decides to spill out her feelings for him the minute she sees him travelling wtih you..and the minute you see he is interested in another woman, you spill your guts out to him. So both women in this picture only seemed to want him when appearances showed another woman might be in the picture. On his part, he suddenly, just like that, decides to be an item with this other woman. I wonder if he went traveling with you in order to get this other woman jealous and it worked. I think you need to back away from this..something doesn't sit right with all of this and I am not so sure this guy is worth the trouble.

 

TBH this has flitted through my head, not a nice thought, because i truly believe that if he hadn't gone with this friend, i wouldn't be feeling like this at all, it wouldn't have occurred to me in the first place!!! That is the irony!! But it was my choice to meet up with his mates, he didn't care where we went too, i thought it was a nice idea!! And i've seen him with girls before and i've never even considered him that way before, it was all so out of the blue. Im sad that it has come to this and i would hate to think he has taken advantage of me, maybe thats why he hasn't responded, i don't know anymore : (

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Dont worry, you haven't done such a stupid thing at all. Sure you feel a bit embarassed now, but calm down and act casual and it should blow over. You can laugh it off with him some way. I had a guy friend once, and after a while he decided he liked me, and I didn't reciprocate. Then after a little more time, I decided I liked him, and I forget what happened then, but finally we both decided we'd got that out of our systems and we really just liked each other as friends! You have nothing to be ashamed of, so hold your head up high and act normal with him.

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  • 3 weeks later...
has there been a happy ending/beginning?

 

Hey trezz : ), well the short answer is, nothing happened. I didn't email him or anything before we met up. It was a bit of a bizarre ending tbh, however i suppose i got an answer, it was the method i got my answer which was very telling!! Anyway we met up and he acted like he didn't know anything, i never asked either, but his behaviour didn't appear to be out of character and he didn't treat me any differently. I left wondering whether he actually got the email and more confused. It was only a few days later when a group of us met up, that i knew he had got the email, he was nervous, couldn't look me in the eye and didn't say one word to me. The most horrid point was, because there was a group of us, we were sitting together but having different conversations with eachother, however i overheard him say to one of the guys, that he was confused as he found out someone liked him and and that he was now seeing this 'other girl', the girl i mentioned in the first post, and he didn't know what to do. He must have known i would hear this, it was like he was letting me know that he knew, without actually having the decency to speak to me directly about it!!!! i was angry and then even more confused. I couldn't believe the manner he was dealing with all this. Anyway went home, checked my emails, still no response. For the next few days i made sure i was out of action. The problem is, we all have the same group of friends and we pretty much hang out at some point in the day, i just made excuses. Eventually i decided i wasn't going to hide and i was just going to act like nothing happened, and i did. Inside i was hurting, i cried a few times, because no matter what way you look at it, he was rejecting me, so all those insecurities started to seep in. To finish, i found out he was actually now officially dating this girl, through the social networking site, where he changed his status, nice!!!! I was upset, did the whole bridget jones thing, by getting drunk and singing like a lovesick loon lol, but i got my answer. Next day the strangest thing happened, i woke up and thought, what a bloody jerk!!! It dawned on me, that this man was a complete and utter * * * * , he was cowardly, in denial and ultimately a weak person, now why would i be interested in someone like that! The rose-tinted glasses truly came off. When we all met up later that day, i felt back to normal, happy, sassy and full of optimism and i just looked at him and smiled, because i realised i deserved better than him, so thats that lol

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up side is you got to know what his true personality is without a lot of dating drama.

 

hope you find someone worthy of your time.

good luck.

i still think you were right to give love a chance.

sometimes answers arent pleasent but better then false hope.

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