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Cheating or not?


Amano Ginji
What To Do If They Cheat - Do this ...
What To Do If They Cheat - Do this First

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I have already posted about this problem in 2 different threads. The purpose of this post is to clear whether what my ex did is called cheating or not?

 

My ex broke up with me(2 months back) because she did not feel the connection between us anymore. She dint feel the same way for me anymore. She wanted a break in life. She wanted to be single because of the work and study pressure. She told me she would not be in a relationship with anyone if i am worried about that.

 

2 weeks after the break up, i came accross an email from my ex to her friend(i had her passwords back then).. In this email, my ex was telling her friend about this other guy, who since a week, was apparently very romantic with her, promised her that he would marry her and not look at any other girl. But he was telling his friends it was too early to decide whether he wants to marry her or no (i assume my ex must have told this other guy about the fact that she is not going to be in a relationship with anyone. Because in the email, there was a paragraph where she was telling her friend that this other guy is only worried about the status of their relationship)

 

I had called up my ex that very instant asking her what was going on. At first, she denied everything. But when i told her i came accross her emails, she agreed to everything.

 

For the next 5 days, i tried getting some info outta her, but all i could get was that the guy she was talking bout was an old friend, she accidently met him, they exchanged numbers. She said it was only a 3 week thing.

 

She told me she is single, both mentally and physically. And does not want to be in a relationship anymore.. (Maybe because this other guy was taking her for a ride)

 

 

What i am stil unsure of is, whether she cheated on me? Or was too scared to tell me that she was interested in someone else. In the later case, is it called cheating?

 

And is it possible that she is still with this guy? And keeping me in the dark?..

 

(I have not met her since 9 months since she lives in another city. We broke up 2 months back)

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At the very least it sounds like she has not been very honest with you..she may have had feelings for this guy but nothing happened while she was with you..but she may have broken up with you in order to feel free to pursue things with this other guy. At any rate, whether she actually full-fledged cheated or not is almost like splitting hairs..the bottom line is that she has not been totally honest with you and is likely covering up her true motivations. Since you are not there to see if she is actually dating this guy, she can tell you any story she wants and it will be hard for you to know the truth. I think it is best to assume that she has not played straight with you and just see that as one more reason why it is better that you are no longer with her.

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I want to be clear about this. If one is in a LDR for 9 months, and happens to find themselves being interested in someone else? Is it wrong for them to pursue their choice? If its not wrong, then is it necessary for them to inform their partner that they are interested in someone else, or is it ok if they just say "I dont feel the same way for you anymore, and i dont want to be in a relationship because of the work load".

 

Its the same as saying "I am interested in someone else, but at the same time, i am not looking for a commitment tag with anyone"...right?

 

Why it matters whether its called cheating or not is because I see my self getting married to this girl.

 

If she cheated on me, well, i am not going to be the one trying to get her back.

 

But.. If she broke up because she wanted to be with someone else. I think i might look for advice that leads me on the path of getting her back.

 

Nothing wrong in wanting someone back?..

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Nothing is wrong in getting someone back?

 

My take on this is I guess it depends...on my they left?

 

1) If they because they were no being treated well ( physical or verbal abuse) then I see how one could attempt to remedy the problem via major behavioural change therapy...

 

2) If they leave because of some other excuse (you do not help around the house enough, I don't feel the same way about you, I like you but I'm not in love with you, or just plainly says I'm seeing someone else now)...then I do not see the point in getting someone back-in when they decided (and probably have been deciding for months) to leave

 

Regards,

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It seems like you're posting several threads to see if you can get the advice you want to hear, which is "make an effort to get her back!!"

If that's what you want....go for it!! It'll be hard to do, though if she's not interested in a relationship, she's long-distance and she's maybe interested in someone else.

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