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Just letting it out..


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Hi. I was best buds with M for four years. I used to have a huge crush on him when we first became friends. We did some occasional flirting then he got together with someone else. I was upset, but it's okay. We've been very good friends since then. Last year, something happened between us and we got together. It was amazing. Every second spent was great. But further into the rship, he realized he didn't see a future with me but he still loved me. I still stuck with him thinking that he might change his mind in the future.. there's always hope. Then, three weeks ago he broke up with me because he said that he wanted to focus on his career, he couldn't afford me in terms of money, time and emotions (that's bull, because I'm really not high-maintainenced), said he's sorry he still loves me but it's better to end it now, because he just doesn't see a future. He didn't want me to get hurt more in the future, cos he can see I was falling even deeper for him. I've been a wreck since then. I never fell for someone as hard.. The best thing was because he was my best bud, we knew each other inside out. But it's over now.. but it's so bloody hard to move on When we said our goodbyes, he said he'll always love me..as a friend. And I really want to be friends with him in the future. I've been NC for a week with him.. but I can't see us being friends anymore.. I know NC is for the best right? Just wanted to let it out.. Would appreciate it for some comments on what to do. Thanks for your time..

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i can sympathize with your ordeal. a good thing if you can do, if you can, is just feel all the sadness that you're experiencing, but feel the anger too. if he could leave you behind this easily, as amazing and caring a person as you probably are, is he worth your time? or even your friendship? maybe, maybe not. but stay strong, you knew what you wanted, he just couldn't provide it.

NC is the best solution.

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It can be difficult when you are friends with someone and it progresses in that way. It is better that the "friendship relationship" is severed once you two parted. NC is the way to go. Losing a friend is never easy, that's why when you see it moving to something more you got to think what COULD happen later.

 

Will you stop missing this person soon? Nope. Will the pain subside quickly? Definitely not. But will you eventually feel better and heal? Yes!

 

It's going to take time. It'll be 1 year for me next month and I still hurt. I think after you've healed the only way to stop the hurt is to find someone new... I should take my own advice. >.

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yeah. i've been wanting to feel the anger. but i don't. all i feel is pain. i've been okay for a few days, then i just fall back down and i can't get back up. and then i'd feel ok again. it's so tiring this emotional rollercoaster. i'm sure it's happening to all of us right.

 

and actually, before we went any further with the rship, we did think of the consequences and we actually said no matter what, we remain friends. but i'm not so sure about that now. yes i am not going to stop missing him anytime soon. but i will feel better. it's just incredibly slow. and i'm sorry that u still hurt..

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Thanks m0lly.

 

And what sucked about it I too lost my friend, she wanted to continue being friends but I just couldn't do it. Hurts a lot.

 

But you can do it, a week will turn into two, then a month, etc. Just don't break that NC! Soon you'll even stop counting the weeks. It helps to continue coming here for advice, read other stories, vent.

 

Just don't resort to anger, you might get too upset and break NC with something you'll regret later (angry text, e-mail, call, tell someone something that somehow gets back to him, etc.) I'd also suggest praying, it helps.

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and actually, before we went any further with the rship, we did think of the consequences and we actually said no matter what, we remain friends. but i'm not so sure about that now. \

 

OP - i have just been in a similar situation to you, and one of my then-friend's fears was that our friendship would be "ruined forever."

 

i say then-friend because he proceeded to treat me like absolute Cr*p when we moved into 'relationship' territory, very inexplicable, other than that he decided he could get away with it. needless to say, he was wrong, and i told him as much.

 

but in regards to the promise to always remain my friends: my philosophy is that a relationship will be what its meant to be.

if you're really truly friends who care for one another no matter what, then perhaps the situation will right itself one day in the future, when you're over the sadness or pain.

 

but i also believe you have the right to be over it, and not be friends with this person again. if you feel they've hurt you too badly in the past, don't let them back into your life.

 

the pact is just words. i only say this with your sanity, and best hopes for healing and moving forward, in mind.

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