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Starting with absolutely no attraction


dr_styles
Guide on How to Make Him Crave for ...
Guide on How to Make Him Crave for You

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I personally believe it's possible to build attraction as you date and know more about a person. But what do people find is their experience (since I have none) in creating attraction when there's nothing there to begin with? A simple example in practice is if a guy asks a girl out but she has no attraction to him at all (whether it be his style, physical looks, demeanour) - or vice versa for a girl - then they won't say Yes.

(FYI I don't stake this as some blanket statement or claim, just illustrating).

 

I suppose a better way to word the question is how often do you really-actually have to win a girl's attention in the first place? If that makes any sense. If you do the simple things like "you smile and see if she smiles back", trying simple convo, or whatever and you get nothing, is that it? (note: I don't have anyone in mind when writing this)

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it depends how much the girl knows about the guy.

 

i assume when you say no attraction you mean there wasn't any obvious initial physical attraction. if there is no physical attraction and she doesn't know him that well then its possible that when she gets to know him she can develop an attraction.

 

its possible and there are many examples of this but its definitely not the most common way attraction is created.

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I am personally not attracted to what society finds attractive. For me if Brad Pitt would approach me and ask me out (if he was single) I would most likely be thinking to myself I wonder how many std's he has and what not. I have a particular type of person that I am attracted to and it has nothing to do with physical looks.

 

Have to be smart (geeks and nerds are hot), sweet, happy (I dont like fulltime mopers), have similar interests, isnt arrogant, isnt a manwhore, doesnt have to be religious but share my values and ethics, and listens and expresses their feelings.

 

Those are not easy traits to come by and when I met my current boyfriend who had all those (took me 4 years and I wasnt looking) I became instantly attracted to him to more I got to know him. You just have to know what you want in a guy before you meet anyone and then it will fall into place.

 

Disclaimer: I am told by most of my friends and family that I am not normal and a bit on the weird side lol I am fine with that but just thought I would let you know that I am most likely not how the majority would answer this.

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I have gone out with a guy i wasn't attracted to.. I wasn't attracted to him at all... But, he asked me out... and I was like...okay.. I ended up taking complete advantage of him.. I'm not saying that is what is going to happen..but it was easier for me to do that because i was not attracted to him... and i had like talked myself into being able to be attracted to him.. although i wasn't really and i wouldn't really look at his face often.. anyways what i was trying to say was i was at a rough point in my life at that time and i was not totally myself, so it made me more apt to go out with the guy... and i ended up taking advantage of him because of my situation, and because i wasn't attracted to him it made me more able to do this because i didn't feel any remorse in it... because i wasn't... i don't know...maybe i'm just a messed up person...

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For attraction to develop, there has to be time and opportunity. For some, physical attraction can be developed, as long as there's some emotions there and we don't find the other person repulsively ugly. The best way is to be friends or close acquaintances. This is how my first bf and I got together. I actually found him extremely ugly. lol.

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Yep. As usual I've just got the whole thing about what I know is real and what I see in reality; apparently I'm attractive and I know I take care of myself at least but I've got nothing; I know girls like guys too, but that hardly seems the case. Heh I know I'm a guy but sure don't feel like one (uhh, you know what I mean).

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The only constant in dating seems to be: Everyone experiences rejection, whether they "deserve" it or not.

 

But about "creating attraction" or "building attraction", as you say... I thought that referred to the phenomena of wealth building. I have no idea how that works, as I am poor. I do have a wealth of information about dating, however, and I will tell you right now that you have the wrong idea.

 

Anyway, why don't you go ahead and flirt with a girl you like, instead of being a creepy weirdo stalker-type?

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I might not be the best guy to give advice, because picking up girls for me is as easy as snapping my fingers.

 

My theory and experience go like this:

 

1. Most women are looking for love and happiness. They want to find a good man.

2. Therefore, if you approach a woman and express interest in her - even if she knows very little about you - she's usually willing to go on a first date.

3. The first date is crucial. The key to a successful first date is to share your world with her generously. Tell her stories, talk about your goals and dreams, express your values and beliefs - This way, she feels that she knows you.

4. If you do step (3) correctly, then she will keep on being interested in you. Everything is downhill from there.

 

a. Women like firm directions and strong beliefs in a man. Know who you are - It's good to be opinionated.

b. Women like men who like them. So don't hide your feelings. In this world, it's for a man to give, and for a woman to receive. So don't be shy about this. What is flirting, anyway? Flirting is a man telling a woman in so many ways that he likes her. Neither be discouraged, because it's for a woman to set tests and for a man to pass them.

 

True story: One time, I liked a girl, who wouldn't give me the time of day. I texted her ten times a day. For every four, five messages from me, she would only reply once. I would say the most embarrassing things, like "I like you so much. I think about you all the time. All I want is to sit next to you, to look at you."

 

One day, she suddenly called me and asked, "Hey, Are you free today?" That day, we went to a theme park near Beijing. The next day, we rode horses together. So many good memories. The only reason things didn't work out was because I had to leave Beijing in two weeks.

 

Persistence and audacity count with women. It's for a man to give himself freely, having no care for his own vulnerability.

 

Trust me on this. If anyone knows, I know.

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  • 1 month later...

After those recent threads on people looking, staring (and usually involves a bus and then something happening, I couldn't help but notice a common point that these mention something along the lines of "she looks at me a lot". It reminded me a lot of what I experience so I thought I'd bump this thread up again and see if anyone has any discussion points on how I've yet to see much happen when this big leg up from the girl isn't there. For sure I'm trying to work my way up so I don't need it to approach people, but ofcourse it'd be bloody nice to have. Who doesn't want early mutual interest (or at least fascination, lol).

 

I suppose I should repeat here I don't have that which is why I'm making a conscious goal of it to get used to what is essentially cold approaching. No vents or whinges on my appearance, just stating it's once in a rare while I'll get it.

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Hmmm, it doesn't usually happen for me, but it's definitely possible. I can probably tell whether I am attracted to someone after spending 30 minutes with them.. of course, I have been on a date with a guy I thought I was really attracted to initially, but turns out to be nothing. I think all the guys I was interested/liked are pretty much built from initial attractive. However, I have a guy friend who I was not physically attracted to at all, but as we became closer, he's a really sweet guy so I kind of fell for him. So yes, it's possible

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Personally I do not believe that attraction is built over time. Either you are attracted to a person or you arent, there is not grey area to it. What I think takes place after some time is that a rationalization occurs about that persons traits, personality, qualities or whatever else and a determination is made is that after getting to know them as a person dating them is an option. I dont think that rationalization is about their attractiveness to you its about something else.

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I think attraction can change over time, but really only on an emotional level, or when the person is seen in a different physical light (e.g. met them while they in casual and they're handsome in a suit on a date or whatever).

But practically speaking at the start in real life you pretty instinctively decide whether a guy is attractive and worth looking at. I'm no mind reader (that's the whole thing on asking here hehe) but it really seems like unless she's into on some level the guy can be as brave as he wants - he's already lost.

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I know that attraction can build over time. I can't agree with Daywalker's point about it not happening because I have dated and lost my virginity to someone that willingly took it from me (who was not a virgin herself and had options) free of charge -- and considering everything, I think it's safe to say that I had no leg up with my looks. Do I prefer this form of attraction? No. Do I 100% know whether or not it lasts or if in a couple weeks or months she'll be with some dude much hotter than myself, trying to calmly talk to me on the phone and tell me she's studying while getting pounded by Mr. Perfect -- I don't know. All I know is I have had some success with women, but I have never started with a leg up or received a flirty glance, a positive initial vibe, or what have you. Anytime things have worked out, they've worked out because I've basically been mistake-free in my approach and as interesting as possible without seeming like some sort of contrived act.

 

We are not in the simplest of situations -- it is a whole different ballgame when you can never count on a smile or initially positive body language when it is fairly visible that with the little information each woman has on you (Your look or style), she is not impressed.

 

You have to be two times better at social interaction and male-female interaction than most guys. If you are more or less as adept as a good-looking guy, then it's a toss up for personality and you're climbing out of a huge hole when it comes to your physical appearance. You have to know how to compliment things rather than beauty, and to understand the perceived difference between "flattery to get laid" and a genuine appreciation of someone. Even if you don't particularly like what you are, you must be comfortable with who it is. If you are fidgety, you will make her uncomfortable as well. It's kinda like how I feel when I watch terrible singers who kinda know that they're bad and they're just totally slaughtering the song and I feel bad for them -- you don't want her to be feeling that way as you're doing your thing, lol.

 

It's possible...but below average looks require an above average ability to make connections with people -- the two don't always go hand in hand. It is only in my own confidence in my ability to entertain and interact with people that I've achieved any degree of success with women. If all I did was talk for 3 minutes and ask for numbers, I imagine I would still be a virgin. You have to understand what kinda interaction and environment best suits you. No one is going to look at me and be sold in under half an hour. This kinda puts people like me in difficult but manageable situations if you hang out in large groups or volunteer or whatever.

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I agree attraction can build over time, but most often, I'm attracted to a girl when I first meet her. I know instantly. I imagine it's the same for girls.

 

I'm not saying that it can't build, but if you find someone ugly, you're not going to want to date them.

 

Also, sometimes it's hard to tell if someone is attracted. Sometimes I'm very obvious if I like someone, but sometimes I play it cool and she has no idea.

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I'd say most times there has to be at least something there.

 

However my latest crush - I met him twice and didn't think anything about him in that way whatsoever (he was with a very charismatic and loud friend and is quite shy and reserved).

 

The last time I saw him though - wow - something's changed and I now think he's gorgeous. So yes, it happens.

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If there's no attraction, what's the point? Sure, you can build attraction, but when there are so many people out there that you *are* attracted to, why not start with them?

 

Attraction isn't something to be fought - it's there to help you find the right person for you! We're attracted to who we are for a reason...

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I personally believe it's possible to build attraction as you date and know more about a person. But what do people find is their experience (since I have none) in creating attraction when there's nothing there to begin with? A simple example in practice is if a guy asks a girl out but she has no attraction to him at all (whether it be his style, physical looks, demeanour) - or vice versa for a girl - then they won't say Yes.

You're right, it IS possible to build attraction over time. It happened to me - I had no attraction and no interest in my husband at all, but he persisted for a long long time (2 years) and eventually I gave in and went on a date. The rest is history, lol.

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