Pregnancy, Drugs and Trust

[brunn1]

So about a month and half ago I began dating this woman that I have known and worked with for the past 2 years. We recently found out that she could possibly be pregnant via 2 positive pregnancy tests. Next week we have the appointment that will tell us if it is true or not.

 

Now before having started to date this woman I knew she was a chronic pot smoker and would dabble in other substances mainly ecstasy. We had a talk and she told me that she would never do ex again but that marijuana was a normal part of her life since she was a child. We have argued over it several times. I figured that since she is pregnant she would stop. NOPE. Just the other day I found out that she decided to get blazed. Any advice on this?

 

Also, one more question of advice. The person who told me that she got high was her sister and upon her sister telling me she noticed how upset I had become and asked me what was wrong you know she smokes. I told her that there was a possibility of her being pregnant and now my girl is pissed cause I said that to her sister. Any advice on how to handle this situation? I love this woman and I do not want to mess this all up.

[Mutley]

Ok, you knowingly date a doper for a month and a half, and you don't use birth control?

 

This is already a mess dude. She won't stop smoking for you or the child. Been there, done that.

 

Since the TWO pregnancy tests are possitive....I'd say it's 99.99% that she is pregnant. Now can you be sure it's your child?

 

My main concern is for the welfare of this child. I'll let others weigh in.

[brunn1]

Yes I knowingly date a doper. As for the birth control lets just say my odds sucked because we only did not use it one time. And yes I am as positive as you are on the pregnancy.

 

Also, although she is a pothead she never does it around me or brings it in MY house. Therefore I have never seen her do it. She has always been honest except this one time. When I confronted her about it she said she would not do it again. That is where the trust part comes in. I have already made the decision that if she can't stay off the drugs then when the child comes I will fight for custody.

 

I really do not want that though as I genuinely enjoy spending my time with this woman and I believe that we are a great couple. I am just frustrated.

[waveseer]

I can understand why this would bother you but you have no control over what she does. So, your best course of action is to be supportive. Let her know that if she wants to stop and is having trouble doing so you will help her find help.

[Mutley]

I have already made the decision that if she can't stay off the drugs then when the child comes I will fight for custody.

 

That sounds like a good plan.

 

I'm sorry that you are dealing with this...I know it's painful. But what ever happens, do the right thing for the child. There will always be other women.

[Hope75]

Smoking marijuana during pregnancy can be harmful to the fetus, can damage it's development and cause cognitive dysfunction, developmental delays, growth retardation, preterm labor and other complications. I urge you do to some research and print some articles out for her, and I would also bring up her marijuana use with her doctor at the appt. when you confirm the pregnancy. It's bad enough that she wants to continue using while pregnant, but at the very least her OB should know about it so he or she can counsel the mother appropriately and be prepared for whatever consequences may result from her drug use during pregnancy.

 

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Here are some articles you might want to show her.

[Hope75]

I have already made the decision that if she can't stay off the drugs then when the child comes I will fight for custody.

 

I would also look up laws in your area, I don't know if you can pursue any sort of involuntary drug counseling for her while she is pregnant, but I would absolutely report her to DSS the minute the baby is born if she continues to use during and after the pregnancy. It might be worth talking to an attorney (if you know one or can get a free consultation) about what the fetus's rights are while in the womb if she is using.

 

Good luck.

[HeartGoesOn]

God help this poor baby. Since you knew before hand that she's a drug user, I would hope that you were both tested for STD's first.

 

On the other hand, if she's already pregnant after only dating for six weeks, that's not likely. She could have many health issues, and diseases from the drug use! And again, I feel so bad for this baby that's in the middle of this.

[brunn1]

We are both very honest about everything which is sometimes scary. STDs were one of the first things we talked about and I trust her answer of no. She is a very healthy woman who always eats right and is also very responsible. She just likes to partake in this particular extracurricular activity.

[Hope75]

We are both very honest about everything which is sometimes scary. STDs were one of the first things we talked about and I trust her answer of no. She is a very healthy woman who always eats right and is also very responsible. She just likes to partake in this particular extracurricular activity.

 

I wouldn't trust anyone's answer of no- this is your health at stake. Some people can carry STIs and don't even know it- statistically women carry more asymptomatic STIs than men. Not to mention that marijuana can affect your judgment and inhibition just as alcohol has.

 

I had STI screening before having unprotected sex with my now husband, and so did he. It's not a matter of trusting his answer, it's a matter of being responsible for your own health and well being.

[brokenpogostick]

I just want to cry for that innocent baby. It pisses me off that people think they can be so darn wreckless when they are pregnant.

 

I don't have respect for people like your gf. I don't think she respects you either considering you've told her that you aren't happy that she's smoking while pregnant and she does it anyway.

 

It's a shame that she is pregnant. Hopefully, you can work this out because otherwise there's going to be another baby born to a broken home. There are already far too many children suffering because of the crappy decisions their parents make.

[brokenpogostick]

Besides all that...if she's out running around doing drugs what kind of mom do you think she's going to be?

[SamiJayne]

She really needs to stop the drugs. It makes me so mad seeing people that are pregnant, that drink, or do drugs, or smoke. With my last baby, I gave up caffine, I gave up treats, I gave up the little I did drink. I was healthy. And still my baby dies. And theres people like her out there that are happily doing drugs.

 

When she goes to the first midwife appointment or to the doctors, you should try to go aswell. And mention the drugs she's doing, hopefully with them explaining the dangers to her. She may stop.

 

She is starving the baby of oxygyn Just by smoking! never mind the fact that it's pot.

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I really can't believe it, here I am pregnant again with our second child. I rarely drink when I'm NOT pregnant, never drank when I was pregnant. Never tried drugs, never tried smoking. And yet I'm still visiting my babies grave every sunday, and I'll have to tell her little brother that his big sisters dead. And people get away with smoking drugs, not caring about there baby.

[TheSmilingTurnip]

Are you in the US? Because babies are often tested for drugs right after birth, and if there are drugs in the child's system, they are often taken away from the mother. So you'd better prepare her for that reality too. In fact, that was how my child first ended up in foster care - she was tested for drugs when she passed her meconium stool (the poop they store up during pregnancy) and it turned out birthmom had been smoking. Rude awakening.

 

Oh yeah, and the pot didn't help my kid one bit. People are such fools, going on and on about how dope doesn't hurt babies and sometimes makes them into geniuses! Tell my ADHD daughter about that one.

 

Maybe she was a smoker from her childhood and that's her choice, fine, whatever, but she doesn't have the right to make that choice for someone else - namely, your child.

[cazmoore]

It's an extreme cop-out for her saying that "it's been part of my life" yeah well, I like pot too, but I wouldn't toke when I was pregnant let alone get blitzed.

 

I'm currently in Nursing and I had to work in the obstetric clinic at the ground level at the hospital I was placed in. There were women in there, not really too well educated, asking me if it's OK to drink a glass of wine or smoke pot when they're pregnant. "Excuse me, what?" We all know drinking alcohol is bad, smoking is bad.. but they don't know WHY it's bad. She needs to get educated about why smoke in GENERAL is bad for that growing and developing baby. Vital organs start developing around 3-4 months in utero. For goodness sake, tell her to get a grip. I have no time listening to that. So I educate people on it, READ! It can harm the baby's heart, the baby's lungs, liver, kidneys and BRAIN!! Smoke in her body... it's attacking the oxygen trying to get to the baby to supply it with essential nutrients.

 

 

And yes. I did say I smoke pot. Sounds bad saying I smoke pot, right? But after doing research, there is nothing wrong with pot. There's medicinal marijuana people are prescribed in Canada. People have their ethics and morals on it. The smoke is bad for your lungs... but, what's worse for your body, alcohol, or pot?