Advice to my best friend - her 14 year old son & girlfriend are 7 months pregnant

[daj72]

I just found out today that my best friend (of 13 years) her 14 year old son (as of this May) is going to be a daddy in less than three months! I was shocked to say the least, but wanted desperately to give her supportive advice during this difficult situation.

 

She had confessed to me last fall (2008) that her son was having sex already. She found condoms in his laundry and confronted him. He admitted to having sex and said loved his girlfriend. She agreed to supply him with condoms to make sure they were "extra" safe considering she was on the pill. I completely did not agree with her and wanted to tell her 1) stop it now, they are far to young to be okay with having sex, 2) stop supplying the condoms, 3)talk to her parents, immediately, 4) make him get a job to buy his own freakin condoms - because if you are old enough to have sex support your own. I turned to my boyfriend for advice since he had a 16 year old son. He told me to say nothing to her and stay completely neutral. I did not agree with him - but went against my better judgement and said nothing. I only told her he was to young and I would never be okay with my kids having sex that young.

 

Well, aparently this girl was not on the pill and tried to hide it from everyone. I told her to tell her son to get a job - like now- to start saving $$$ to help support this baby & take him down to Walmart with a shopping list to wake this kid up. She insists he can do things around the house for money. I could not believe my ears. I think she feels guilty or responsible for the pregnacy.

 

I think she is in shock and really needs support. Both her parents passed away over the past two years and I am the closest thing she has to family besides her common-law boyfriend. How should I support her and what are the right things to say? Is it my place to be honest about how I feel?

 

HELP ME HELP HER

[hers]

It's not your place to tell her how you feel.

 

What are the kids' plans? What about the girl's parents?

[bulletproof]

Being supportive doesn't mean being honest about how you feel about a situation. I'm not saying you should lie- but why would any support you give her have anything to do with your feelings on the subject? Just be there for her when she wants to vent, listen to her, and show some compassion for the situation. I don't really think it's your place to be telling her that her son needs a job, whether it's good advice or not. If she flat out asks what she should do, then maybe that is warranted, but it doesn't sound like that's what's going on.

 

Your boyfriend was absolutely right about remaining neutral. Nothing good can come of imposing your judgment on this.

[BellaDonna]

Well, aparently this girl was not on the pill and tried to hide it from everyone. I told her to tell her son to get a job - like now- to start saving $$$ to help support this baby & take him down to Walmart with a shopping list to wake this kid up. She insists he can do things around the house for money. I could not believe my ears. I think she feels guilty or responsible for the pregnacy.

 

 

Well, once the baby arrives these very young parents will be in for a major wake-up call.

 

One can only hope that they will have the support of their families as they go through this, since they are both still children themselves.

 

The baby is on the way no matter how bad the circumstances of the unplanned pregnancy are. They will have to live and learn.

 

Hopefully they will continue schooling, so they can still have personal goals and become something, someday.

 

I don't think there is anything that you can say or do at this point that will add to or change this unfortunate situation. Just be there to listen to your friend, and provide support when she asks for it.

 

You could give a gift for the baby, and try to remain as positive as possible for your friend. Some people wouldn't do so in this circumstance, but that baby is totally innocent. Try to be light-hearted and ask her about becoming a grandmother, etc. I'm sure her heart and mind are already heavy with a lot of things right now. She knows this is not an ideal circumstance. Try to pick up her spirits.

[daj72]

His girlfriend is 13 years old and due in October. They plan to keep the baby but her son has no clue what is involved. The girl's mother just found out and did not know they were having sex.

[hers]

Maybe they can give it up for adoption. They don't have to keep it.

[daj72]

My friend suggested adoption to her son, but there was no way they are willing to give up their baby. Her son really seems committed to his girlfriend & baby - right now. My friend is already buying clothes and baby items and showing them to her son. I think she is still in heavy duty shock. Heck, I am and it is not my kid.

 

At the end of our conversation today, I told her I was there for her and it was not an impossible situation and it is just a very difficult life lesson. I let her know I would help in any way possible - basically, that I was there for her 100%.

 

I will take all this advice to heart. Thank you everyone