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maybe he didn't think i was attractive??


Gratsy

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If He Likes You He'll Do This -...
If He Likes You He'll Do This - Harsh Truth

There was this guy who got jealous when I dated other guys. But then, he didn't want to be in a relationship with me. I just realized...what if hedidn't think I was pretty? He told me I was...but what if secretly he thought I was only worth hitting "it" a couple of times or something...

 

Is there a way to tell if a guy was attracted to you or wasn't? Maybe he didn't want to hurt my feelings by saying I was unattractive to him?

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well having sex right away... thats one way... if you tell him no and then you never hear from him thats another...

 

what if he was a friend for three years? he said he wanted sex, i didn't give it to him. i decided i didn't want to be friends and he fought it but finally left me alone.

 

wow it sounds like you are over thinking this way too much.

 

its true, no friend would say you are unattractive .. but there can be many reasons why he doesn't want to be in a relationship with you.

 

he always said that it was because a relationship would never work...never anything beyond that...

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leave it at that then, the reason doesn't matter .. the bottom line is what matters.

 

thanks, you're definetly right. its really hard right now because everyone around me is getting married...and i'm feeling the pressure. i wasted so many years on this guy...but you're definitly right.

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thanks, you're definetly right. its really hard right now because everyone around me is getting married...and i'm feeling the pressure. i wasted so many years on this guy...but you're definitly right.

 

Slightly off topic here, but I wanted to say you're not the only one in the "everyone's getting married around me and I'm still single" boat.

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Slightly off topic here, but I wanted to say you're not the only one in the "everyone's getting married around me and I'm still single" boat.

 

Its soo hard. Every time I see family, they say "Do you have a boyfriend? Why not? Are you going to dances? I heard dancing is good." Its like, I'm tired of hearing suggestions, and none of them have worked. Recently this guy who rejected me when I was in high school added me to his facebook. Now he's married to some girl, making her happy. These days have been pretty hard. I can't just hook up with anyone, I have to be mildly attracted to him...and he has to be interesting...I don't think thats asking too much.

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ive said it before on ENA, but everyone seems to be getting married later. friends around my age including myself are mostly all single and no one is even engaged yet..

 

You're a man and you're twenty five. I'm twenty seven and all the girls from my hometown are married. Its a lot easier for men until they hit thirty five...

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Its soo hard. Every time I see family, they say "Do you have a boyfriend? Why not? Are you going to dances? I heard dancing is good." Its like, I'm tired of hearing suggestions, and none of them have worked. Recently this guy who rejected me when I was in high school added me to his facebook. Now he's married to some girl, making her happy. These days have been pretty hard. I can't just hook up with anyone, I have to be mildly attracted to him...and he has to be interesting...I don't think thats asking too much.

 

I have the opposite happen to me around my family. I tell them that I want a girlfriend, and they tell me I have a ton of time. I know they mean the best, but it doesn't help. I want to tell them "If you really want to help me out just set me up with a nice girl", but I don't. I'm a very do-it-yourself kind of guy.

 

And I'm the same way with girls that you are with guys: I can't just date someone random! She has to share my moral and religious beliefs, have a warm personality, and interest me in some way. That's really it. A nice smile and pretty eyes help, but they certainly aren't necessary. I've told myself many times that this isn't asking too much. I should believe it I think, but with my luck it is difficult to...

 

Anyway, I hope this helps in one way or another. It probably won't get you a date, but at least you know you're not alone.

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I honestly think its harder for religious people. I am religious, and I know a ton of religious women who want to marry a good man, but it seems like there aren't any. When things start to develop with guys at my church, I've seen them back away...they always only want a friendship. They're really passive...I don't see too many of them persue very hard. Maybe its just my personal experience. If I wanted a secular guy, I'd have ten tom., but wanting a religious guy tends to limit my choices.

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You're a man and you're twenty five. I'm twenty seven and all the girls from my hometown are married. Its a lot easier for men until they hit thirty five...

 

Try being 28 and having your youngest sister being married for two years and with a baby on the way. Oh and your other sister (also younger) still in a long-term (4year) relationship. ](*,)

 

Anyway, I was in a similar situation like yours and heck, the guy even entertained the thought of us being more then friends for a few weeks and then something freaked him out. I'd like to think the problem wasn't me, so much as it was him.

 

But most likely, I think there was some sort of deal breaker that he has that he'll never admit out loud or maybe he isn't even aware of it, but his gut always picks up on it and that's why he never wanted to pursue a relationship. Maybe that's what happened with the guy you liked?

 

Haven't you ever turned down a seemingly great guy, just because there was something you couldn't explain that didn't quite resonate with you?

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There was always a reason...whether it was that I wasn't attracted, or something else. Usually that I wasn't attracted. You and I are essentially in the same boat...my younger sister is getting married in two months.

 

I had a guy play games with me and then cruelly reject me for ego, Twice, and then right after that this handsome guy who makes everyone and his now wife happy and who also rejected me in high school, decides to add me on facebook and not say anything else.

 

Its like, they are all playing games with me.

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Dang, that's rough. I say, delete your old high school crush on facebook! Ruin his attempt at having 123187390458034 friends.

No reason to have that bad reminder in your group of friends.

 

I don't know what to say about the other guy. Part of me doubts that anyone would just use a person for an ego boost. Like with the guy I was into, I don't think he was using me for an ego boost, but then nothing else really explains why he kept acting like he was into me, but then wouldn't want to be in a relationship. I guess I'm kind of optimistic/naive like that.

 

Was the guy you were into an only child? I have this theory that only children that were spoiled, tend to screw around with people's heads like that.

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Dang, that's rough. I say, delete your old high school crush on facebook! Ruin his attempt at having 123187390458034 friends.

No reason to have that bad reminder in your group of friends.

 

I don't know what to say about the other guy. Part of me doubts that anyone would just use a person for an ego boost. Like with the guy I was into, I don't think he was using me for an ego boost, but then nothing else really explains why he kept acting like he was into me, but then wouldn't want to be in a relationship. I guess I'm kind of optimistic/naive like that.

 

Was the guy you were into an only child? I have this theory that only children that were spoiled, tend to screw around with people's heads like that.

 

 

Yeah, but when I delete guys like that, they don't even notice and then I'M the one left feeling guilty, even though they just added me to have fifty million friends. Maybe you are being naive? I mean, I have no idea why a guy would do that sort of thing, lead someone on, for any other reason. No, he was the youngest of three. But I realized recently that he probably came from an extremely wealthy family, which, it never occurred to me before. So they probably spoiled him.

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When things start to develop with guys at my church, I've seen them back away...they always only want a friendship.

 

Well darn, that's crazy. Friendships are safer, sure, but if a girl let me know she was interested and I was even the least bit interested in her, you'd better bet I'd ask her out! Those guys don't know what they're doing!

 

And I agree that it is harder for religious people... we usually want people who share our beliefs, for many many reasons. Kinda narrows the dating pool.

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But why do you feel guilty? I mean it's not being mean. It's sort of like saying...hey, I'm dumping you for a change! And it'd be completely justified since he didn't even make an effort to say hello, which a friend would've done.

 

And yeah, maybe I'm being naive. But I do think there's something about people who were spoiled when they were younger. They tend to do that whole emotional manipulation thing real well, because they used to do that to their parents all the time. Which would explain why they'd get all territorial about a girl who they're not dating. It's like they want that undivided attention (sort of like they used to get from their parents), but at the same time they don't want to be tied down by a relationship (this part I can't figure out exactly). So it's kind of like an ego boost, but not quite as sinister. It's how they were raised so they don't realize that they're being a douche bag. They just think they can do whatever and it'll eventually work out in the way they want it to. Not that it justifies what they're doing or makes it any easier on the person who fell for them.

 

and um...

clearly I've over thought this whole thing.

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Well darn, that's crazy. Friendships are safer, sure, but if a girl let me know she was interested and I was even the least bit interested in her, you'd better bet I'd ask her out! Those guys don't know what they're doing!

 

And I agree that it is harder for religious people... we usually want people who share our beliefs, for many many reasons. Kinda narrows the dating pool.

 

Well, I was interested in this guy and then when I opened up a little, he completely ignored me. He was writing me and then he stopped. He was religious. It happens a lot, and it hurts every time.

 

But why do you feel guilty? I mean it's not being mean. It's sort of like saying...hey, I'm dumping you for a change! And it'd be completely justified since he didn't even make an effort to say hello, which a friend would've done.

 

And yeah, maybe I'm being naive. But I do think there's something about people who were spoiled when they were younger. They tend to do that whole emotional manipulation thing real well, because they used to do that to their parents all the time. Which would explain why they'd get all territorial about a girl who they're not dating. It's like they want that undivided attention (sort of like they used to get from their parents), but at the same time they don't want to be tied down by a relationship (this part I can't figure out exactly). So it's kind of like an ego boost, but not quite as sinister. It's how they were raised so they don't realize that they're being a douche bag. They just think they can do whatever and it'll eventually work out in the way they want it to. Not that it justifies what they're doing or makes it any easier on the person who fell for them.

 

and um...

clearly I've over thought this whole thing.

 

LOl, I think you have something there...

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being attracted to you and wanting a relationship are two different things. i wouldn't have sex with a girl if i wasn't at least physically attracted to her. gotta have the whole package to start a relationship, but i wouldn't know that without dating the girl first.

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At this point, it doesn't matter if the old friend was attracted or not. I think people can be attractIVE without my being attractED to them (if that makes sense).

As for the HS friend, I don't think that's a game or that he's playing with you. He's probably adding everyone he recognizes.

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*snicker* Yeah I think you have over thought this, I'd think they would want a relationship specifically to get more undivided attention.

 

Aye there's the rub!

 

And I think you've indirectly helped me me figure out why they don't want a relationship! A relationship comes with perceived expectations and responsibilities. They want undivided attention, but without having to return the favor. Sort of how like their parents spoiled them unconditionally.

 

eureka! now i can rest peacefully tonight.

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