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I need help...I've lost everyone, don't know what to do with my life...I'm venting.


Aeryn

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Hey, all!

 

I'm here again because I need advice. I don't know what to do with my life right now. I've lost everyone, and I just feel miserable.

 

Three months ago, I was happy. Well--I was happy, but it wasn't because I was personally content, it was because I was depending on others to make me happy.

 

I met a new guy, and thought he was amazing. Needless to say, I never trusted the man from the beginning. Something inside of me kept telling me that he was going to do me wrong, and to back away from him, but I never did. He told me he "loved" me two weeks into the relationship; he took me to Oklahoma/Kansas to meet his family; he told friends and family that I was the one; he took me to look at engagement rings a month into the relationship; he said he planned to marry me by the end of the year. I KNEW all of it was too good to be true, but I stuck around--he made me feel special, and I did care for the guy (though I knew he didn't really care for me). He cares for nobody but himself--I mean, this is the guy that dropped a girl two months before their wedding. The guy that was with another girl for five years, promised to marry her, and then a week after making that promise he cheated on her. But I wanted to believe I was different than these girls. I wasn't, however. I was used. But I had a great time with him, and now feel lost...

 

My best friend of 8 years is gone now, as well. This is because of my ex. She has known him for two months, and me for 8 years. She decided to take his side and agree with him on everything--that he and I shouldn't be together because I'm too immature. Why am I so immature? Because I refused to lend my ex my credit card and give him $2000. Because I called my ex out on EVERY lie he told me, and told him that I'm not a girl he can manipulate, control, and push around. So...yeah...I've lost someone I thought was my "best friend" because of this guy. She's married, with a two year old and another kid on the way (she is 20). She wants to screw my ex, that's the only reason she's taking up for him. And yes, she WILL do it. She has already cheated on her husband 3 times that I know of--and I think her husband is an idiot for taking her back each and every time.

 

Basically, what it all boils down to... I know my ex is no good for me. He tried to put all blame on me, when I know I did nothing. However, I still feel like crap. If I were to "settle down" he would have been the perfect candidate for that. I miss the times we had together, but not so much him anymore...How can I, after he did me so wrong?

 

How could my friend turn her back on me like that? I thought friends stuck together. I would have NEVER done that to her. After being best friends for 8 years....

 

The other day, I went to a church. For the first time in my entire life, I REALLY prayed. Since then, I've been living each day knowing deep down that everything will turn out OK in the end... but I don't want to wait. Right now, I'm still miserable. I've got no friends, no man, and I've been used and hurt. I don't want to wait to be happy again... So, even though I have the thoughts that things will be alright, I still have thought of suicide....the easy way out....

 

What do I do, ENA? Who do I talk to? How do I cope?

 

For three months, I thought I was finally going to have something to live for... Turns out I was completely wrong...

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I'm sorry that you had to go through that.

 

Regarding your ex best friend, if she can do this to you, that means she's not a real friend and you don't really need someone like that in your life.

 

As for your ex, I can imagine the amount of hurt you are feeling when you have expectations and high hopes for your life to be a certain way. However, we can't depend on anyone else to make the happiness for us, we can only be happy with them. You had a life (i assume?) that was not filled with hurt before he came along and you will get that back again. Now is the time to go out and socialize and just be yourself without expecting to find that Romeo. If you're not the type of person that can do that, there's online websites that work all the time for people to meet friends and hang out with. It's nothing to be ashamed of. No one likes or should be alone and we make our life to be what we want it to be. Yeah, sometimes it doesn't turn out that way...but only you can change that.

 

Consider yourself the better person and take this as a lesson and put yourself first. Also, if you already get bad gut feeling in the beginning, there's a reason and you should always follow it.

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We all go thru these times in our lives. We find out who are real friends are, we have horrible break ups, money trouble, you name it. These are just things that happen in life and yes they suck...they suck bad. But what can you do but try to be positive and move fwd? Suicide seems like an option but its not. Thats the end of it...forever. I have these thoughts too but at the end of the day, I really want to see if things get better.

 

Your friend seems like shes jealous of you bc she ruined her life and wants to live her life thru you? I could be wrong but whatever way the ball bounces she is not a good friend. Everything usually works themselves out. It may not be the way you want, but it usually works out. Saying that, just keep your head up, meet new ppl, and forget the ones who betrayed or hurt you in some way. These ppl do not deserve you or the energy you are putting into them by wondering why they did what they did.

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