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How to leave an abusive relationshi...
How to leave an abusive relationship and why it's so hard

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been separated from my wife for 5 months, have two children together, many of our problems have arised from financial mistakes by my wife, and Iwould yell at her, and put her down emotionally. about two weeks ago I tried to reconcile to no avail, she let me know that her feelings have changed ie i am not in love with you, I aske dif she shut the dooor on me, and she said no, but she does not do that , but she does not see us getting back together. She says that she does not want to give me hope just in case nothing happens, ie stringing along. then last saturady night I told her I was having a hard time with this, and asked her if we could postpone filling for divorce, so I could show her rather than tell that I could make the changes, I said to her that I think she is hesitant becuase she does not want to get hurt, but she said that that was not it, and she mentioned that there was more too it, meaning feelings. anyways, she told me that she would think about it. My question is why would she have to think abojut itafter she told me she is not in love with me anymore. This is what perplexes me. I have been seeing a therapist regarding my quick temper, just a side note, I never hit her or even came close to it, I just need a filter on my mouth, this is what I am working on to be a better person in general. the last couple days, I have picked up the kids, I have been very pleasant with her, helping her with things, brought her a coffee from dunkin donuts, and when I leave to go home I give her a kiss on the cheek, and she alows me to do so, today I told her she looks really nice. Last sunday I went to her sister to speak with her. I have not got along with her for many years, and most of it was my fault, I spoke with her and told her that I was sorry for everything that went down between us, she said she never was mad at me, but thanked me, and she asked for me to be a friend to my wife. The next day she was over my wifes house early in the morning, I knew this becuase I was picking up the kids. My wife has been nice to me not in a loving manner, but has allowed me to kiss her cheek, and I told her that I would not ask her again about what we discussed saturday night , and I would give her time to think about it. If she is thinking about it, means there is some kind of chance, if she did not even consider it, she would have told me no right away, my wife tends to be very direct.

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It is best not to over-think this and get your hopes up looking for signs. You need to focus more on figuring out why you lash out in a hostile, verbally/emotionally abusive way. Even this comment:

many of our problems have arised from financial mistakes by my wife, and Iwould yell at her, and put her down emotionally.
shows that you have a long way to go in fixing your behaviours. Your wife's financial mistakes are a separate issue from your yelling and emotionally abusing her. If it wouldn't have been over the financial mistakes it would have been something else that she did. Helping her and buying things for her is often what people do when they are afraid of losing the relationship after they have done wrong. That is the "wooing back" stage. But what happens if you actually get her back...people who put down their partner, emotionally and verbally abuse them will often "play nice" during the wooing period and for a few months after reconciliation...but then the bad behaviours return and they are back to verbally and emotionally abusing their partner. So she might be wary of getting back with you because she doesn't really know if your changes will be forever or just until you get her back. It takes time to change the record in your head which causes you to lash out. You need to focus on you for now and give her time to decide what she wants to do.
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Sounds like you know the answer..and you know your wife well. Give it time and don't spend time worrying about what will be. Keep focusing on improving yourself and the issues you have admitted you have. Take this time to really work on yourself. If your relationship survives and you do end up back together you will be a stronger a couple.

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I have been seeing a therapist regarding my quick temper, just a side note, I never hit her or even came close to it, I just need a filter on my mouth,

never underestimate the devastation and hurt caused by emotional abuse!!!!!..This IS what your wife suffered and the effects will be very internalised....physical abuse is often considered to be less devastating then emotional/verbal abuse. neither are acceptable... its great your seeking therapy and giving your wife time to think .. Keep your contact very minimal and remain very supportive of your family..patience is something that you now need to have plenty of..your wife would benefit from counselling also... im sure her self esteem and confidence are quite shattered these are rarely self fix problems...perhaps this may be a good suggestion for you to make in the near future..

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