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Not quite sure what i'm feeling about my boyfriend...


ksanija

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Not sure how i’m feeling about my boyfriend of 7 months - he's 24, i'm 28.

 

I’m quite an insecure and untrusting person due to past relationships, and at the start of this relationship i pulled my guy up for everything he said or did which i thought was out of order. In my mind, there was no way i was going to be anyone’s doormat again, and i’ll admit he copped the brunt of that.

(mind you, the things i pulled him up on, were trying to join an RSVP site, wanting to go to a ‘singles’ nite, wanting to go ‘speed dating’ with his mate who’s single and lives with him, and the first weekend we weren’t together, he kissed a girl (no, sorry, she kissed him)...there also seemed to be 3 in the relationship all the time also – being the single mate he lives with - to me, any of these is not ok...

 

Anywho, i basically told him in the first month, that if he wanted to be single, go for it, i’m not prepared to waste my time – he said of course, that he feels like he’s in trouble all the time and he couldn’t do or say anything rite...

We talked it out, sorted out issues etc...

 

Since then, things have been great – haven’t argued, never had a ‘fight’, had maybe two ‘difference of opinions’, but just lately it feels like we’ve slipped back into how it was at the start.

 

Eg. He started a new job 2 weeks ago, i wanted to take him out to dinner to celebrate, he knew i wanted it to be special between the two of us, we had even mentioned dinner and a glass of wine – 2 hours before we were going to leave, he asks if Grant (roomie) can come, i explained that i wanted it to be special and he took offense and told me that ‘if we don’t start inviting Grant places with us, he’s going to end up hating you’...this led to a massive ‘difference of opinion’ where i laid my cards on the table and said this has nothing to do with Grant, i wanted it to be special, he apologized, and we moved on...

 

We spent last weekend together, i left him Monday morning and we went to work – Tuesday nite i was back at his place, he told me he missed me Monday nite. Wednesday nite i stayed at his place again, went to work on Thursday, and was back over there on Friday nite, i told him i missed him Thursday nite, and his reply was, ‘oh well, i was really busy with work, and then i had dinner and few beers with Grant, so i really can’t say i did’...to this i dropped his hand, and said ‘sarcastically’, ‘oh, that’s nice to say to your girlfriend’...to which he replied, ‘well, i was really busy’...

 

He spent Saturday nite over at my place (he worked all day), i cooked an awesome dinner but didn’t really allow me time to spend with him, and after dinner, within an hour of watching a movie, he was falling asleep, so we went to bed – on Sunday we went for a massive bike ride (he loves riding, so i bought a bike so i could join him)...well this time i was struggling from the get go, and he made a few comments (in jest i believe), but they were less than supportive...i made it though, and he acknowledged the fact i didn’t give up. But then on the way home, he was like, ‘ok, well i’ll drop you off home, and get going straight away’...i was like, oh...ok... (in the morning, he’d said we would have to come back to my place after the ride to pick up my car (insinuating that i would be staying at his place)...so yeh...we got back to my place, and he literally dropped me off and went home. I asked if he wanted to stay at my place again on the Sunday nite, his reply – ‘oh, na, i haven’t seen Grant all weekend’...

 

I may be old school, or maybe i expect too much – but i walk out the door to greet him with a kiss whenever he comes to my place, when he leaves, i walk him out to his car. I offer him a drink as soon as he walks into my place.

 

Last nite he called me, i missed it, so i called him back, had a chat for like 5 minutes then he said, ‘i’m on my way home, can i give you a buzz back in a few’...didn’t hear from him all nite.

See that sort of thing doesn’t really bother me, but i feel like he’s taken me for granted or i’m more of a convience...

 

But then on the other token, he is so affectionate with hugs, kisses, and touching...he just HAS to touch, whether we’re driving he’ll hold my hand, on the couch, he’ll pull me into his lap or lay in mine, in bed, he holds me so tightly i have to pry his arms off me – he gives me tender kisses on my back and neck, and tells me he loves me. He’s just booked us tickets to Melbourne for a wedding in October, , we are spending the weekend away at the beach next weekend. We spend atleast 4 days/nites a week together and i try to give him space for his ‘boy time’ – but come on, he lives with this guy, works with this guy – sees him EVERY nite of the week unless he’s at my place which is perhaps once a fornight...

 

I just don’t know if i’m expecting too much, taking things too personally or am i making a mountain out of a molehill...

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[...] I just don’t know if i’m expecting too much, taking things too personally or am i making a mountain out of a molehill...

 

All of the above. You have a wonderful BF who you're going to suffocate if you're not careful. Let him breathe--in his own way, at his own rate, and not according to your assessment of how much time and space he 'should' need to do this. You'll find it much easier if you broaden your own interests outside of the relationship--otherwise, you're bound to pull a navel-gazing-gone-wrong control thing on him when you least expect it. And once you lose him because of that, you'll look back at this time and wish you had handled it differently. So handle it differently now.

 

In your corner.

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All of the above. You have a wonderful BF who you're going to suffocate if you're not careful. Let him breathe--in his own way, at his own rate, and not according to your assessment of how much time and space he 'should' need to do this. You'll find it much easier if you broaden your own interests outside of the relationship--otherwise, you're bound to pull a navel-gazing-gone-wrong control thing on him when you least expect it. And once you lose him because of that, you'll look back at this time and wish you had handled it differently. So handle it differently now.

 

In your corner.

my thoughts exactly... you have a wonderful boyfriend... just give it time....
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Trust me you don't want to spend all your time with you SO, cause if you do, he will, and you will eventually get bored of each other. Let him have his time with his friend. The special dinner thing was a bit much though, he should have clued into that. but it is good to include his friend into the mix sometimes too.

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Not sure how i’m feeling about my boyfriend of 7 months - he's 24, i'm 28.

 

I just don’t know if i’m expecting too much, taking things too personally or am i making a mountain out of a molehill...

 

 

It sounds like you are a bit of a demanding gf and if he moves on to a more independent lady who doesn't ride him as hard, he's going to feel really relieved. I'm sorry, he's got more patience than I do ... I would have let you go a while ago.

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By the sounds of it you have a good boyfriend. In your post theres a few things that are a bit strange (comments he has made etc), but thats nothing. His actions show it.

 

it sounds like you see him quite a lot - on the weekends and stay at his place a bit. You should be rather grateful for that. I barely see my bf once a week. He seems to be rather affectionate too...

 

Dont forget, he is only 24 too...

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