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I dumped him but I want him back!


Trigger78

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Hi, I am a gay man. I met a fella whom I had been seeing for 3 months. He lived in London for 13 years and came back to Dublin 1 year ago. He has an ex in London who he is good friends with and speaks about frequently. That didn't upset me but made me wonder wether he was over him! When we first went out I wasn't really into him. But it wasn't long until I fell for him. My friends kept asking why I was with him, saying he was ugly. But his looks had nothing to do with why I fell for him.

 

We had been seeing each other for 2 weeks and hadn't made love yet. I thought it was really nice not having sex so soon and it added to the excitement. But, when we were getting intimate one night he stopped it and told me he had HIV. I was stunned, my head told me to end it but I was too emotionally involved.

 

Things were never too good between us. We argued alot, nothing major, just over stupid little things. He stopped showing me affection and I called him on it. I told him I felt he'd rather be just friends and asked him if that was what he wanted. He told me the next day he thought it was what he wanted. We went to a movie in our new "friendship" relationship and I knew I couldn't just be friends. After the movie we went for a drink and I told him. I said we shouldn't see each other anymore. I left and the next day he got in touch and said he missed me and we got back together.

 

It was great for awhile, he even said "I think I love You"! He says he pushes people away when they get too close because he had a bad childhood. He ran away to London when he was 15 because his mum was a drunk and he was put in and out of care. I noticed he wasn't showing affection again! We had gone out for the day on the Thursday and Friday I didn't see him. Although we talked on MSN and stuff I knew something wasn't right! On saturday he said he was visiting his Gran. I didn't hear from him all day so I text asking how his day had been. He rang me and said he was on his way home from the pub and was invited to his friends for a few drinks. He asked if i wanted to go. I said no very politely and said I'd see him tomorrow. Not letting him know it bothered me that he'd been in the pub when he said he was at his Gran's. I thought two can play that game! The next day I went for drinks with my friend and on my way home I was so upset I rang him and said I didn't think he cared and I was finishing it.

 

The day after I told him I was sorry, that I had been upset, I hadn't meant it. He said there was no way we were getting back together, I had dumped him too many times and it didnt fill him with confidence. He said he wasn't prepared to go on with something which had no chance of succeeding. I pleaded with him for days, telling him I was in love with him... I know that was the wrong thing to do, I should have just played it cool.

 

It's too late to change that now! It has been over a week now and we decided to be friends. He said he wasn't sure about us being friends, he thinks i'm only doing it to try win him back. And I am. But if I don't get him back will I be able to handle just a friendship down the road? He is going on holiday for 3 weeks next week which will give me space to sort my head out.

 

I didn't realize how much I'm in love with him until he said we couldn't get back together! I want him back so much but what is the best way to get him back? Every site I visit says not to beg and plead. Is there any chance of getting him back or am I wasting my time?

 

Please help with suggestions... What should I do now?

 

Thank You xx

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welcome to ena. between his HIV status and this:

Things were never too good between us. We argued alot, nothing major, just over stupid little things.

 

i would just move on. i don't think it's a good sign if things aren't going well so early on. i mean, 3 months should be the honeymoon period! if you are already fighting over stupid stuff, i'm not giving the relationship a huge chance of working that. and then adding in AIDS in the mix, i think you should just cut your losses and move on. sorry!

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welcome to ena. between his HIV status and this:

 

i would just move on. i don't think it's a good sign if things aren't going well so early on. i mean, 3 months should be the honeymoon period! if you are already fighting over stupid stuff, i'm not giving the relationship a huge chance of working that. and then adding in AIDS in the mix, i think you should just cut your losses and move on. sorry!

 

Thanks xx I know that's what I should do but I want to stay friends with him. We talk everyday still and sometimes watch dvd's together. Will my feelings go in time if we stay friends?

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welcome to ena. between his HIV status and this:

 

i would just move on. i don't think it's a good sign if things aren't going well so early on. i mean, 3 months should be the honeymoon period! if you are already fighting over stupid stuff, i'm not giving the relationship a huge chance of working that. and then adding in AIDS in the mix, i think you should just cut your losses and move on. sorry!

 

I agree. This is a very sick man you are dealing with right now. You two always arguing and picking fights when you two are beginning to date is a raising red flag to me. Cut your losses and move on. I know it hurts, but this is for your own good.

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"I am sticking this thread for 24 hours so it can get more attention. "

 

Why the special treatment??

 

well, we will sticky a thread upon request if the poster hasn't gotten many replies (as he hadn't). I mean like 0 or 1 replies. some people ask if they had 14 replies, but that doesn't warrant a sticky. just PM a mod.

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I think you only want him because he doesn't want you.

 

I think its the old you want what you can't have-

 

I think you need some time to clear your head and figure out what YOU want..

 

your relationship with this guy just seems... like it was on the rocks for a while and you made the right decision to end things.

 

and I also think being friends is a bad idea for both of you.

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Thanks to you all... very much indeed. Reading the replies it seems definite a relationship won't work! But, we have a lot in common. And we do get on pretty well, so I'm going to try a friendship I think. Hopefully it'l work and my feelings will disipate over time. Again Thank You xxx

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I feel your missing the company and are upset inside because he said you basically caused hassle with the relationship. Its easy for everyone to say 'move on' and maybe it is the right thing to do.

 

The best thing you can do my friend if you want any chance of him back into your life, is to stay friends (if poss) do not be too clingy and forceful and just develop a better relationship from there. He is going to need your trust, and like you said he thinks that you screwed him over so he doesnt think it can work. You can ether move on or stay friends and do not rush anything, just see how he develops and maybe he will realise that you are willing to stand by him and what a great person you are.

 

Its all about trust again, do not be clingy or 'beg' just rebuild on the foundation of friendship.

 

Take it easy my friend.

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I understand being overcome with emotion and allowing that to put yourself in a compromising position......but....the dude has HIV/AIDS and will infect you eventually....it only takes one mistake.

 

You are broken up with him. Why don't you spend what you'll end up spending in one month for HIV drugs to get professional help from a therapist who can help you resolve your situation?

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That's good advice! We have decided to stay friends and we've been talking everyday on MSN. I told him "You were right to end it... it would never have worked... I wish I'd realized earlier!". So he wouldn't feel uncomfortable around me. I'm just gonna stick to being friends and if something develops in the future it does, if not then I'll have made a good friend. Thanks a million for the advice x

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That's good advice! We have decided to stay friends and we've been talking everyday on MSN. I told him "You were right to end it... it would never have worked... I wish I'd realized earlier!". So he wouldn't feel uncomfortable around me. I'm just gonna stick to being friends and if something develops in the future it does, if not then I'll have made a good friend. Thanks a million for the advice x

 

Not problem my friend...

i wish you all the best.

Take it easy.

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