Jump to content

Does ex want to be FWB?


Honey610
Dream about your ex
Dream about your ex

Recommended Posts

Hi there,

 

 

I need some advice with my current situation. Brief overview: ex and I broke up about 3.5 months ago and a couple of weeks ago we started communicating again and now hang out. The first night we "hung out" again we ended up having sex and it was great, but I thought it was a one time thing. He told me he's not really looking for a relationship right now, but if it happens, it will happen. He's not opposed to it.

 

So we cleared up all the issues and have hung out about 3 or 4 times already in the past week and a half. We get along great and have fun together. Well today he texted me and wanted to know if I wanted to go to a concert tomorrow and also mentioned if I'd be interested in "another go" (meaning to have sex).

 

So I talked to him on the phone today and we're meeting tomorrow but I can't have sex even if I wanted cause I'm on my period. The thing is, I like having sex with him very much and right now, I'm completely okay with just hanging out with him and really getting to know each other all over again. But I usually don't have sex with men unless we're dating or in a relationship, it just makes me more comfortable. I've never really went back and had sex with an ex before.

 

Should I mention something to him? I don't want this to be a Friends With Benefits situation and I'm not asking for a relationship from him either. I just want to go with the flow and if we end up wanting to get into a relationship with each other again that's cool, if we don't, then that's cool as well. I don't even know if we're dating or just friends? He may not know either... anyone have any insights, experiences, thoughts etc. they'd like to share? I don't want to put him on the spot, but I don't want to be naive either.

 

Thanks!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yea, that's what I was thinking. I was going to bring it up with him tomorrow. Right now, I don't want him back, but I might later on since he's a great guy. I don't want to get things messy and if he starts liking some other girl and gets into a relationship with her, I don't know how I'd react. I guess, I'd better be safe than sorry.

 

Any suggestions of what to say to him?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yea, that's what I was thinking. I was going to bring it up with him tomorrow. Right now, I don't want him back, but I might later on since he's a great guy. I don't want to get things messy and if he starts liking some other girl and gets into a relationship with her, I don't know how I'd react. I guess, I'd better be safe than sorry.

 

Any suggestions of what to say to him?

 

It will destroy you again.

 

If you have ANY feelings beyond sex.

Stay away.

 

Thiws is a warning from someone who has been there.

 

Just say I don't want to have sex with you anymore.

 

I have realized that being **** buddies is not healthy.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well right now I don't have strong feelings for him but I do like talking to him and hanging out.

 

I guess I'll just tell him that, "Since we're just friends, we should be just that. I don't have sex with my friends."

 

You're both right. We already know the sex is good between me and him, so there's no need to continue unless we BOTH decide we want to take things further. He pursued me when we first started going out, so if he wants to take things further he can let me know.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm sorry to hear that Waveseer.

 

When I think about it... if we're hanging out AND then having sex on a regular basis (though him and I only had sex once) what is the difference between dating? I guess it means, there's no commitment and I don't mind casually dating, but I don't do casual sex.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm sorry to hear that Waveseer.

 

When I think about it... if we're hanging out AND then having sex on a regular basis (though him and I only had sex once) what is the difference between dating? I guess it means, there's no commitment and I don't mind casually dating, but I don't do casual sex.

 

This is the bottom line.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I was this person for 8 months after a break -up. And every time this casual sex would occur the next day I would be a train wreck. All my feelings would come flooding back til I got to the point where enough was enough and I made him choose all or nothing since then I have held my ground. So in order to heal and not rekindle feelings sex is probably a bad idea unless you two are together. AND if he were planning on getting back with you he shouldn't base it on sex so stop the sex. It's for your own safety

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Have any of you stopped having sex with the person? If so, what happened?

 

She stopped talking to me.

But there are some complications in between.

 

I'd take her out to dinner and treat her like a princess.

 

Do things that show signs of dating.

 

But she called off the sex thing.

Buit then she also said she didn't want to have sex at all.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Why did you break up with him in the first place? Where there red flags and deal breakers everywhere? If it was a hopeless relationship, I would stay away from him completely. Keep yourself out of harm's way. Don't allow yourself to be tempted.

 

If it was a mutual, drifting apart type of breakup, then I would hang in there and see where it goes. But don't have sex with him too early. I know it was good sex, and it's with a familiar hand, and it doesn't seem like it really counts because you've had lots of sex with him before. But it does.

 

FWB's with ex's always sound like such a great idea. But they don't work. One of you will fall for the other again and the other will get hurt. I guarantee it. Because of your history together, you guys are probably in too deep to do this half way. You can't rush back into bed with him without being sure you have a real relationship again.

 

If you had an innocuous breakup and you're sure you aren't ever interested in being with him ever again in this life or any other life, then, maybe, you could consider an FWB without fear of being hurt. It doesn't sound like that is the case.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thanks everyone for your replies.

 

RichPart, we broke up initially because he felt like my insecurities were in the way, but after talking to him from a 3 month period of NC, it was basically because we both weren't ready for different reasons. So basically, just bad timing. Though, he initiated the break up.

 

Update:

 

So tonight I met up with him to see an outdoor concert. We didn't end up staying long because it was kinda boring so we ventured off to go somewhere to eat (which we usually do cause we both love to eat). We ate and just really continued to open up to each other as we have been doing the past 2 weeks. We talked about relationships, he brought up different things that we did together when we were a couple, sex etc. Just lots of interesting stuff.

 

I didn't bring up us having sex because it didn't really come up and I didn't want it to come from nowhere. So next time it comes up I will definitely tell him I don't want a FWB situation. Its weird... I really thought when he thought I had my period that he wouldn't want to hang out, but he did. The thing is... I have no idea what the heck we're doing. And that maybe a good thing cause I want things to happen naturally; but I don't know if we're dating (not exclusively of course) or just friends? I don't want to overanalyze things like I have done in the past, and right now I just consider us "hanging out". I just wonder what he thinks about it...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

What you want is whats important.

Is hanging put with him productive for you?

 

Does it leave you hanging?

 

Does it make you feel closer or less closer to him?

 

You need to think whether it is something which is helping you or whether it is making you feel like you are still in the dark.

 

From what you said at the end, you still feel like you are in the dark with his intentions towards you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The thing is, right now, I don't want to be with anyone. Like him, I feel like right now I don't have much to offer. I like just being single right now.

 

I have to say though, I love hanging out with him and he is opening up to me more and more and its so nice for him to trust me like that. Right now, I don't think he knows what he's feeling and I don't know either but I at least know he likes being with me cause he contacts me to do things.

 

I am just going to stick with going with the flow and we'll both figure it out along the way. If for whatever reason, I feel like I want to take things forward later on I'll talk to him about it. He may or may not want to be with me and that's fine cause he's been honest with me this whole time. And the thing is, later on he may be the one who wants to move things forward and I may not want to. I guess its just the risk you take with relationships. I have grown and got stronger during our period of NC... I came to realize today it really doesn't matter whether we're considered "friends" or "dating" cause at the end of the day, whatever is going to happen is going to happen.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...