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Very hurt! Not sure what to do :( !


Lauren8785

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Well yesterday I found out that my good guy friend "C" and my friend "G" are going out and before I found this out I have told G that I like C a lot and wish we could date and I told C that I liked him like that but the feeling wasn't mutual so I accepted and figured I rather have a good guy friend then nothing at all. G kept telling me how much she didn't like C and thought he was an A hole and all this and told me we'd make a cute couple and I've stuck up for him plenty of times, she knew how much I liked him. When they told me that they were going out, they were scared to tell me because they didn't want to hurt my feelings. I told them I appreciate them being honest with me but Im very hurt by this because it feels like she did me bogus! She knew I liked him and yet went out anyway and she kept telling me how she was scared of losing our friendship and that I am her best friend. She admited she was jealous of me because I have a really good personality, etc. To me she seems fake cause if your a real friend you wouldn't do that. She could have told C no I don't want to go out with you because my friendship with L is important and I don't want to hurt her but no, she went out with him anyway. Its really hard cause C and I are really good friends and G and I are good friends too but I blame her for this. Im like then what was that crap talking all this BS about C and me sticking up for him all the time, she said she didn't want to seem like she liked him because she thought he was too good for her and that he didn't deserve her but deep down she really did like him but then she lied to me when she talked all that BS about him and that she doesn't like him like that! Im just so friggin hurt by this. G is a good friend tho because if it wasn't for her I wouldn't have a car right now she helped me pay to fix my car up, she's paid for me when I didn't have money for things and when I told her I didn't feel well somedays she went out and bought me meds and stuff. She is always telling me how much she loves me as a friend and always saying Im her best friend and she wouldnt know what to do without me. So when it comes to that stuff she seems to be a real friend but when it comes to this particular situation I feel very hurt by it. C was concerned because he doesn't want to be the reason G and I are not friends anymore, he wants everyone to get along and kept trying to help us out but I was very hurt so at that time and I said G and I are done being friends.

 

Now Im reconsidering but I don't know if I should forgive her or not?? A few people said I should since she does seem to be a good friend and give her a second chance. Its hard to accept that they're going out but I know if I want them as friends Im going to have to. I don't want to lose any of them but at the same time I am very hurt by this situtation and I know I can't stop them from going out, I have no control over that. I just don't know what to do??? Advice will be greatly appreciated!!!! Thanks

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First of all she is a good friend and has proved it on a number of occasions.

 

Now this is not what you want to hear nor is it something that everyone will agree with. But IMO you don't get to veto who your friends are attracted to and they don't owe you the privilege of making them pass up what may turn out to be a really good relationship. The hard fact is that this guy was not attracted to you but he is attracted to her - and she to him. Should they pass that up because you liked him first? It could be that they will fall in love, get married, have children and grown old happily together. Would you deprive them of that because you wanted him before she did?

 

It will be hard hard thing for you to do - but since she has been such a good friends to you then perhaps now is the time for you to be a really good friend to her and wish them well. It may hurt but it will be a good thing to do.

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It sounds like she was trying to be a good friend and not let on that she liked him because she knew that you did. It was wrong to lie to you, yes, but put yourself in her shoes: If you liked a guy but your friend told you that she liked him, wouldn't you try to keep out of the way for your friend's sake? Wouldn't it be difficult to pretend you didn't like him so that you could watch your friend go after him? I'm not saying what she did was right, but I'm trying to show that it doesn't seem like she was trying to hurt you at all: it seems like she was trying to be a good friend.

 

I think you should talk to her and explain why you are so hurt and tell her that you don't want to lose her as a friend. Express to her that you wish she would've told you about her feelings for him and explain why you are upset. Most importantly, give her a chance to tell her side of the story too.

 

Think it over carefully: is the fact that this guy doesn't like you back a strong enough reason to lose two good friends? I know it hurts now, but time heals all wounds. Years from now do you want to look back and wish that you still had two people who cared about you? Or will you look back and be glad that they are out of your life? Does their relationship with each other outweigh your feelings for them as people and friends?

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I wouldn't risk losing a friend over someone, especially considering you and this guy were not dating.

 

I'd just support your friend. If you are supposed to be with this guy, then it'll happen. I don't feel like she did anything wrong, she is a good friend to you.

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i agree with DN. i remember in high school i liked a guy, and i think he liked me too. well, i had a friend with a crush on him so i didn't date him because of her. well, when i finally told her, she told me i could go ahead and date him (too late!!! ) i think i lost a potential good guy as a result.

 

anyways, since she didn't 'steal' him from him, since he wasn't interested in the first place, i would stay friends with both of them. maybe C can introduce you to one of his guy friends who could be an even better match for you!!!

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I would forgive her. Good friends are very hard to find and not worth losing over a guy. If it had been the other way round and you knew your friend had liked him...would you have done the same?

 

Hell no I wouldn't have done that. I wouldn't be bogus to my friend like that. If she liked a dude, then Id leave it alone and not go out with him. That ain't right!!

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To me it felt like she stabbed me in the back. I mean how would she like it if I went out with a guy she liked? Im sure she'd feel the same way that I do...hurt!!! I see this as being super bogus, yet C thinks Im being dumb for it and feels like its his fault and feels bad bout it but I told him dont cause it has nothing to do wth you its between G and I. I rather have her been honest with me about liking C rather then lieing and pretending she didn't to spear my feelings to me thats bogus and I don't like that becaue how can believe what she says next time?? It'd be hard to trust her cause I wouldn't know if its the truth or a lie. Lifes too short for bogus people like that. I dont need that crap in my life.

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C keeps telling me how sad G is and he wants to make everyone happy by trying to work this out between G and I and I keep telling him how I see it and I dont think he truly gets it. He said he's been in the same situation with a friend of his but he forgave his friend and thinks I should do the same but this is so hard. I know you guys are right but still at the same time I cant help but feel like she did me bogus and its hard to let it go.

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Have you tried talking with her yet? No one said forgiveness was easy, and it will probably take time...but even if you can't see it from her point of view at least have a talk with her and try to understand.

 

Again, I guess it really just comes down to whether or not you think their friendships are worth it to you. Also the hurt may be a little too fresh, maybe you should just take a few days to cool off so you can think logically instead of emotionally.

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Have you tried talking with her yet? No one said forgiveness was easy' date=' and it will probably take time...but even if you can't see it from her point of view at least have a talk with her and [i']try[/i] to understand.

 

Again, I guess it really just comes down to whether or not you think their friendships are worth it to you. Also the hurt may be a little too fresh, maybe you should just take a few days to cool off so you can think logically instead of emotionally.

 

Well I sent her a long message on Myspace telling her why I feel the way I do. I haven't checked it yet so we will see if she wrote back. I asked my other friends about this as well and they all said the same things you guys did, that I should give her another chance, she does seem like a good friend regardless of this issue. I don't think she did it purposely to hurt me, do you??

 

Oh yeah I definitely wouldn't want to lose the friendships with them, we all have had good times and a lot of fun I surly would miss that and it's going to be very hard to see my friend go out with someone I like, I don't have strong feelings for him but I know he's a good guy (and thats what Im looking for in a guy, he has awesome qualites) and cares about me as a friend and I enjoy talking to him and would rather have a good guy friend then nothing at all and I know she's a good friend too.

 

I just hope I can find someone like C for myself someday. He's a rare guy, that you find now a days and I wish I could find more guys like him. Everytime tho I tell a guy I like them like that all I hear is they only like me as a friend. I get so tired of hearing that. For once, it'd be nice to hear yeah I like you too but nope never happens. When I hear that it makes me feel as if there is something wrong with me. Cause I don't understand why a guy wouldn't like me in that way. Everyone tells me I have an awesome personality and fun to hang out with and I agree, I totally have confidence in myself and like who I am inside and out and everyone says confidence is attractive and I have that obviously cause I do have a lot of friends and Im easy to get a long with. So wouldn't you think that WOULD attract a guy?? I've asked my guy friends if they think Im ugly cause Im trying to understand this and they said No and think I'll find someone someday so if thats true then why don't any of my guy friends like me like that?? Doesn't make any damn sense to me. It truly makes me sad cause I'd like to have a family before I can't reproduce anymore:sad: Im 24 by the way and I feel like my times running out. I don't want to be old and have kids. Id like them while I am in my youth and to have a family not raise them by myself!

 

Thanks guys for all your help! Great advice by everyone and its truly appreciated Thank you so much!

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well, you have to accept that not everyone is going to be attracted or interested in dating you. not saying that you aren't wonderful and attractive, just that everyone has what they are looking for. i'm sure some guys have approached you but you weren't interested in them at all. i don't think you should break things off with your friend. it's not like she stole C away from you. i think you just have to get out there, keep meeting guys until you find your match. i know it's frustrating, i'm 29 and have been dating since i was 13, it's not easy to find a good match!!! some people are lucky and find the love of their life in high school or college and never have to worry about dating again, and then some others have to keep searching. that's me. lol.

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well, you have to accept that not everyone is going to be attracted or interested in dating you. not saying that you aren't wonderful and attractive, just that everyone has what they are looking for. i'm sure some guys have approached you but you weren't interested in them at all. i don't think you should break things off with your friend. it's not like she stole C away from you. i think you just have to get out there, keep meeting guys until you find your match. i know it's frustrating, i'm 29 and have been dating since i was 13, it's not easy to find a good match!!! some people are lucky and find the love of their life in high school or college and never have to worry about dating again, and then some others have to keep searching. that's me. lol.

 

Ok, so I am confused then. Is attraction just looks or is it more then just looks?? Because if I am not ugly to my guy friends, why wouldn't they find me attractive?? I understand not everyone is going to be attractive to me just like I''m not going to be attracted to everyone I know or see either. Yes, its very very very fusterating at least we're both in the same boat when it comes to searching for that someone It'd just be nice for it to happen already!!

 

She did respond to my message. She said we can talk about it today, so we'll see what happens!!

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attraction is more than looks, for sure. you can think someone is attractive, without being attracted to them. i see good looking guys, but for whatever reason, am not interested in dating them.

 

Hmm interesting. I never thought of it like that Annie. I guess thats true because I find some guys cute but doesn't mean Im going to date them. I always thought that if a guy thinks your pretty or cute then he would most likely date you, I guess thats not always the case. Maybe thats how my guy friends think of me, they think Im attractive but not interested in dating, wish I knew why tho?? But like someone said I guess I just have to accept the fact that not everyone is going to be interested in dating me..

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