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My best friend, damn it

Dear Bestie, I don_t wanna to be yo...
Dear Bestie, I don_t wanna to be your fevarit

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Yeah well here we go I guess... I'm Matt by the way...

Ok, back when I was 14 (16 years ago), I met "Jane", we turned out to be great friends, and still a great relationship that I value more than life itself. Along the way, she met another good friend of mine, we'll call him "John".

Long story short, they marry and have 2 awesome kids. Through the years I always maintained a great friendship with the whole family.

As their relationship went on, I can see that they both were becoming increasingly unhappy. About 5 weeks ago they finally had a falling out and now the wheels of divorce are turning. That's the base of everything that happens next.

This split has been tough on "Jane", well on "John" too; but "Jane" still has the house and kids, which means she also has the bills and the relentless job of taking care of a 3 year old and a 7 year old.

Like I said, "Jane" means the world to me, so I took it upon myself to help her out, both as a shoulder to cry on and I help her out financially as much as I can. You know, the things a friend should do for another.

"John", was having a difficult time, but has really started to turn around and start looking towards the future, and seems to be much happier, even started seeing another girl recently.

"Jane" however, is not. She is more than depressed, angry, overwhelmed, and sees no way out of her misery. To make things worse, "John" is showing he's not very reliable on paying child support, and she's having trouble paying rent and other bills. I've tried to think of everything to try to ease at least some of the pressure on her, but now I'm running out of ideas. It hurts me so much to see her in this kind of agony. I'm desperate to show her at least a crack of light at the end of the tunnel.

Hold on, there's more....

I've always liked "Jane", sometimes romantically, but never had a problem with keeping that kind of stuff in check; I mean, I didn't want to have anything to do with breaking up a family, especially that one.

One night about 2 weeks ago we were out at a bar, she got liquored up (yeah yeah you all know where this is going). She made a pass at me, I quickly folded, we slept together. We did a handfull of times. I knew she was feeling lonely and thought this may be a good "release" for her, no ties, just fun and no worries, and me too. But I started to think it was making things tougher on her, so we mutually agreed to stop, just yesterday actually.

I have no problem with that, she's even a bit surprised at the way I handled the cease in our "activities". The only thing I want for her is to enjoy herself and be happy. As if you couldn't tell, I'm in love with her, yep, fell in love with my best friend, damn it. I wish I could just take the pain from her.

My issue isn't so much is wanting to be with her (although I'd be willing to sacrifice a damn limb for the opportunity), as it is to help her get back on track with her life, and be happy again. Be the beautiful girl that makes me and everyone else weak in the knees. Secondly, be the one standing there when she gets back up again. I guess I don't really know how to do that either.

So I guess to sum it all up, number one is to get her on her feet again. And number two, is I want to tell her I'm in love with her, but only when the time is right; don't know how or when.

I thank you all for taking the time to read my long story, any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanx again...


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What an amazing story. Wow.


All I can say is (from a "modern" woman's perspective), be there for her as much as you can. Stay supportive, calm. Don't rock the boat. Let her deal with her issues on her own (provide support and maybe the occasional guidance if asked, but don't try to fight her battles for her). Love her. 'nuff said

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I think you better be careful with this one. You risk becoming the one who "saves her" and then once she feels "saved" she will find another man as a partner. You can be a supportive friend to her but there are limits...don't start throwing money to her and be her bank account and total shoulder to cry on expecting that this will make her love you in a romantic way. She came on to you because she is hurting...you are her crutch. Being her crutch may not necessarily result in you being her partner...and if she does choose you as a partner down the line, how will you know it is because she loves you or because she likes having a crutch. Be her friend but maintain healthy boundaries. Sleeping with her was not maintaining a healthy boundary.

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I'm worried that you will choose to love her and she does not love you back, she moves onto another guy, and there you are still not being able to move on and view the rest of the fish in the sea.


It's great that you love her and that you are a good friend to her, but please do look out for yourself and your future. Don't pin all your hopes and dreams onto this one woman who we don't know whether she can love you back or not.

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