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broke NC (how many times have you heard that?!)


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Hey,

 

7 weeks NC and I've just sent her a facebook message. 'Hi, how are you? hope you're ok xx'. I don't know why, I don't know where it came from. I feel instantly stupid. I don't know what I want to achieve by it. I feel like I've just sent her a message saying 'Hi, yeah its me. I'm still pining over you. And I'm still as weak as ever. You haven't contacted me, but I've contacted you. Exactly the opposite of what I said I would do. All the best, your loser ex, xx'. I suppose I sent it because of the OFF chance she is being stubborn by not contacting me and does actually want to hear from me. Our split was complicated, and I was mostly to blame, so maybe that has something to do with it as well. When I told her I wasn't going to contact her any more, she promised me she would tell me if she ever felt differently. But confusingly, she said that I should do the same. Which didn't make sense, because I have told her how I feel. I think maybe (tell me if I'm reading too much into this) that she thinks I wasnt truly in love with her, and that after time I would forget about her, and hence why she said I should contact her as well. I think that was another reason for the message. ahhh i dont know. I've taken a few steps backwards by that message

 

I kind of hope she messages back and I don't reply, that way I can feel like I have regained some strength again. I've been doing good as well. I haven't been checking LS every 2 seconds, and I've even been out with a girl 4 times, but I don't know about that yet! I miss my ex so much though at least I didn't drunk dial her or anything, or text her etc. ah watever, I've broken NC, its all the same!

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ok this isnt the end of the world. all you have to do is simply write her another message before she sends you one and say "sorry that sounded different in my head. what i meant was, i hope you are ok because i just wanted to apologize for the way we broke up."

 

then leave it.

 

if she replies and you ignore it then you do look like her loser ex. cause then it looks like you are just trying to force yourself back into her life and then being dumb. so just tell her you are sorry and drop it.

 

and tbh sometimes nc isnt the best thing. but if you still miss her like crazy just send her a second message real quick and then leave it

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Wouldn't sending her another message look even worse?!

 

I have apologised for all my wrong-doings. I don't think I need to do it again. Over apologising can make you seem like a loser as well. She knows I'm sorry. All I said was i hope you're ok. I'm glad I didn't say 'I miss you' or 'I still love you' or anything like that. At least that's something! I don't know whether I'll even get a response to be honest. I don't know how often she uses her facebook. I don't know her anymore! ha!

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Do NOT send another message...thats the same as leaving a message and then calling back to leave another explaining your first, then another to explain your second..ya see what I mean..you've apologized, then be done with it..dont keep apologizing...you messed up and it happens to all of us, i didnt even make it 7 weeks *4 for me* but I remember feeling the exact same way as you..itll blow over, let go of hearing something or not hearing something..IF you do hear something back DONT take it as a OMG moment..it would be a perfect time to collect yourself before responding..Indifference

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Hey,

I understand your worries and your confusion, you don't want to look weak and have her think that you're still pining for her. But don't think you made a mistake by making the first step. You would want her to know that you still care if you knew for definate that she still cares, right?

 

You are human, and you acted on feelings and thoughts that have been going around in your head for a while. You needed to do this and now its done and really, it is not a big deal at all. You had a relationship, you shared so much togehter, its only natural for you to want to contact her. Everyone going through a break up is thinking of contacting their exes, dumpers and dumpees. Its the most natural thing. Whatever her reply will be, just know that no matter what - you did the right thing, cause you followed your heart. Time will bring everything to its place if you just let it. You do not have control over what happens from now, so just let it be. If you will be disappointed again well at least you know you tried and that your only way for now is NC.

Be strong and patient

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Bitteorca, I really don't think you should beat yourself up about it. We all have moments where it feels just unbearable - we want to reach out to them. I reckon no harm done. I wouldn't send another - it's self explanatory really. Just thinking of her and reaching out. There's no crime in it. I mean, if you pitched a tent on her front lawn for a week, could be a problem, but nah - one message is nothing to get in a tiz over, and definitely DOES NOT make you a loser.

 

I know it's easier said than done but try and take your mind off it. You'll feel better once you stop trying to work out what's going on in her head. I spent two months doing this with my ex (he ended it). Then I gave up. Then I got a 'how you doing' email (which I replied to) and a text (replied to that too - oops!). Started trying to figure him out again, but nope. I give up. All I know is I've got a life, he's chosen not to be a part of it, so I'm going to make it the nicest place it can possibly be, for me.

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I would not leave her a followup message. As it stands, your message sounds like casual inquiry--no big deal. If you follow up you'll look like you're stumbling all over yourself about it, and that's exactly what you don't want.

 

Good news is, it wasn't a rambling phone message. It was just a ping. Pings are forgettable, and they don't imply much at all.

 

Head high, and in your corner.

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Thanks for everyone's responses. I didn't think a follow-up message would be good! haha. I'll just let it blow over, if I dont get a response so be it. I'm gonna send her another message in 2 weeks though if I haven't got a response, telling her to pick her bike up. I don't want it in my garage any more if she isn't a part of my life. waste of garage space. screw her

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I have a thing of my ex too, still lying in the cupboard... I told myself yesterday that it would be best for me to just ignore the thing, don't try to think how to give her back, ask her to pick up, ways to tell her and those line when I approach her.... I'm in quite healthy situation now and I possibly don't want to mess it up... I'm down...

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Throw it away, send it to savers, or if you think it is important to her, ship it. But you should probably jsut throw it away.

 

I had a Bambo Couch in my storage unit. I was saving it for no reason, mostly though because my uncle got it form a friend along with two houses of stuff and since he couldn't do anything with it, I finnlay offered to take it off his hands. It was rough, but rustic.

 

Anyhow, one day I finally looked at it and decided I didn;t need to keep it around anymore. I took out the hand saw and I cut it in half down the middle, and then I carted it over to the dumpster.

 

I have never felt better.

 

And I regained a Large amount of storage space!!

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I got a response back from her. Very plain I suppose. She said she was going on holiday soon. I dont really know what to think, it makes me paranoid, whether rightly or wrongly, and I think thats a sign that I probably shouldn't of contacted her! The fact that I think just because she is going on holiday she is going to be sleeping with the whole town probably proves that. She asked me how I was doing and everyone else (family).

 

I've responded but not sure whether i'll get a response back. Probably will, but I can't see a point in having a convo with her about mundane stuff. Am I really interested in what she's up to?! Probably not. I'll probably hear things I dont like as well (like going on holiday, even when I know this is a stupid paranoid thought). What I'm really interested in is getting her back, which most likely isn't going to happen. At least not any time in the near future. I wish I hadn't contacted her, but at the same time I'm glad I did. Its weird, and I bet half of you can relate. But I am starting to question the whole point in contacting her. I don't think there was one. Or at least, if there was a point, it was to win her back which I KNOW is silly at the moment.

 

rant over

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OK, so now you go back to NC. She responded to your message and hopefully your response back was short and sweet. You don't sound ready for full on contact as any details of her life may hurt you and you will over analyse everything she says. To recover properly I think you need to go back to NC.

 

Don't beat yourself up over the initial contact. I wrote a thread on all the mistakes I had made both during and after my shortlived relationship with my ex and how I had learnt from these mistakes ... my ex contacted me again and I made EXACTLY the same mistakes all over again!! We are human, we care, we hurt, we can't help it.

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I Just Wanna Feel Loved
I Just Wanna Feel Loved

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