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Is this Effed Up or am I Effing Mental ? Please - I need to know


LovesWar
Lost the Love Of Your Love? Watch T...
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Ok guys, i have been reading this forum for literally years as my sisters have user accounts etc... so im sorry for just demanding an answer but please help me

 

This may look long cos im gonna copy n paste everything.

 

The rundown is this. broke up after 3 years. i moved away. we were single for 1 year - and i had even had a whole relationship in that time. then... he comes to me and confesses his undying love. Seriously. like talking about what an idiot he had been for nearly losing me. Saying we are meant to be together ... no like when someone says all that after THEY dumped YOU a whole year ago, u kinda listen. So i heard all this, was sceptical for a LONG time. then i just gave in and we were an item again. long distance mind u, but he was buying me a ticket over there so we could move in together ....

 

All 100% .... cos i know im leaving my country right, ive been rather moody on msn, our main source of convo, but whatever. Im trying to pull work strings together, sell car do this do that and im stressed. So ya. I have been a bit difficult over the past month. fK it. Leave me alone i got lots to sort out Im allowed to be moody right - im leaving my everything to be with him .. ??

 

YES there are trust issues. he broke my heart once. so i can get overly quizzy - but its all online - difficult circumstances. we have maintained a relatively good relationship online for 6 FKING months. thats pretty good. Anyway its not the point. when he Begged for me back, even though he dumped me - i was very careful. took me ages to 'let go' and then i did.

 

Now Tuesday comes round and i sense somethings off. I had shat on him for not calling me (sunday) when he said he would call me - he was out drunk and forgot. anyway. i told him off for this. but then Tuesday arrives and its all swung.

 

he tells me he is not sure anymore about us... that he has some issues we need to discuss. This guy was booking my flights and everything! * * *

 

So he tells me he will write me an email on Wed. Wed comes ... oh, he cant talk about it cos he has a sports match, will talk after the match. After the match, he's tired, had a couple of beers after needs bed. Thursday comes, he goes out for a friends birthday says we will talk later. I am online when he gets home and he sees my new hair colour pics on facebook.

 

(please understand we have tried to maintain a sexual relationship online too - naughty talk etc - thats how great we were! ) ...

 

So he sees my pics and decides to have a wnk - which he openly tells me cos thats what we are like - healthy ... but he avoids the whole serious talk when i ask... he just says,

 

''dont worry about it babe, its just talk'' so i chill - a bit.

 

Friday morning comes i have a message from him saying ''couldnt sleep will try sort our differences tonight, please dont hate me''

 

now i dont like the please dont hate me bit. sounds like something real crap is about to happen... I reply and said i dont hate him, i hate the way he handles situations.. bla bla bla.

 

He gets home from work. But now is off to town to see a friend. so of course no talk.

 

And this is where, all i will do is copy and paste ....... FK SAKE

 

me - ''hey babe how long will u be in town really wannt get our talk over with now ''

 

him - ''not sure. just at bestfriendsname''

 

me ''hey im just over the road visiting a friend let me knw when u home, how long you recon you will be ''

 

him ''just having a few drinks. these 2 having a domestic as per usuall. lol x ''

 

me ''ok babe ive had dinner now, so i can be home any time now want to sort stuff out with you so we can both have a nice weekend. will u b home soon? ''

 

him ''soon. just enjoy your night. im having a couple of drinks. x '''

 

me '' cool no problem, just as long as we sort stuff out tonight babe. this talk has been prolonged long enough now, will be all smiles once its all figured out ''

 

him ''we getting pizza''

 

Now ..... 3 hours later..... i text. ask what the hell is happening we need to talk, its now after midnight.... he says ''im home'' heres the convo ...

 

LovesWar Says

 

hey did u just get home now then

 

And Him

 

yip[

 

LovesWar Says

 

cool what u do

LovesWar Says

 

how ur new trainers

 

And Him

 

sat in xxx n drank beer

 

And Him

 

and pizza

 

LovesWar Says

 

ive never drank pizza b4 must try it ... maybe its a jersey thing

 

And Him

 

a

 

LovesWar Says

 

so babe

 

LovesWar Says

 

lets cut to the chase

 

LovesWar Says

 

whats these issues

 

And Him

 

babes not now i need to go bed

 

LovesWar Says

 

no babe

 

LovesWar Says

 

lets just sort something out here

 

LovesWar Says

 

cos... you have made me wait long enough and promised

 

LovesWar Says

 

emails for 4 days now

 

And Him

 

i gotta get up for the boat

 

And Him

 

and im drunk

 

LovesWar Says

 

its not fair for me

 

LovesWar Says

 

so tell me the jist of it all

 

LovesWar Says

 

i would appreciate it

 

LovesWar Says

 

cos ur actually making me stress for nothing

 

And Him

 

i just dont like the way you are being with me

 

LovesWar Says

 

i know - i tried to explain

 

LovesWar Says

 

i been under stress myself.

 

And Him

 

but your explaination had nothing to do with anything

 

LovesWar Says

 

ok

 

And Him

 

i will explain, not now, i need my bed

 

LovesWar Says

 

just say it in a sentence

 

LovesWar Says

 

ur such a bloody clever guy

 

LovesWar Says

 

im sure u can

 

LovesWar Says

 

and yes... my explanation did. i am under pressure - and therefore im not the best of people right now. in general full stop.

 

LovesWar Says

 

if u gave a * * * * at all about me. you would atleast talk to me. it dont have to be forever. just a 15 min chat babe. gosh.

 

And Him

 

its quite simple

 

And Him

 

i dont think we are going to work

 

And Him

 

becasue you are being the person that i dont want you to be

 

And Him

 

i need to explain this in more detail

 

And Him

 

its to hard on here

 

And Him

 

so i will write an email

 

LovesWar Says

 

babe. i am not the nicesst of peeps right now

 

LovesWar Says

 

i know that

 

LovesWar Says

 

but u cant judge me over msn

 

And Him

 

ok i wont

 

LovesWar Says

 

because that would be silly

 

LovesWar Says

 

so, all i need right now is to just finish my * * * * . get my money and come over

 

LovesWar Says

 

if we are under strain i will forget the money, cos that isnt important to me. and il just come over straight away

 

And Him

 

cool

 

And Him

 

im gong to bed

 

LovesWar Says

 

are u stil going to buy my ticket

 

LovesWar Says

 

cos im gonna book it tomorrow>

 

And Him

 

no

 

LovesWar Says

 

why

 

And Him

 

cos i dont want to book it tomorrow im in france

 

LovesWar Says

 

no i will provisionally book it

 

And Him

 

no, we wil l do it together

 

LovesWar Says

 

ok when

 

And Him

 

whenever

 

LovesWar Says

 

not whenever needs to be soon

 

And Him

 

ok

 

And Him

 

soon whenever

 

LovesWar Says

 

are u trying to be nasty to me right now

 

LovesWar Says

 

cos i dont think ive done anything

 

And Him

 

no m gogint to bed

 

LovesWar Says

 

babe do u love me

 

And Him

 

yup

 

LovesWar Says

 

so why are u doing this to me

 

And Him

 

im going to bed

 

LovesWar Says

 

u are acting like all is fine while making me feel like i must expect a lecture

 

And Him

 

no im liturally going to bed

 

LovesWar Says

 

ys

 

LovesWar Says

 

but u have done that all week

 

LovesWar Says

 

everyday u have said u are going 2 talk to me

and every day u have just gone to bed

 

And Him

 

i need to

 

LovesWar Says

 

so what on earth is up

 

And Him

 

sorry

 

LovesWar Says

 

well

 

And Him

 

i just told you

 

LovesWar Says

 

obviously our talk wasnt that important to you

 

And Him

 

i will write it all down in an email when i get time

 

LovesWar Says

 

cos u chose to go get drunk instead of sort stuff out why would u do that

 

LovesWar Says

 

what is ur email going to say

 

And Him

 

omg

 

LovesWar Says

 

are you breaking up with me in ur email?

 

And Him

 

you will see im not writing it now

 

And Him

 

night night

xxxxxxxxxx

 

LovesWar Says

 

breaking up?

 

And Him

 

no

niht night

x

And Him

 

x

 

LovesWar Says

 

why u doing this to me

 

And Him

 

what!?

im gogint i bed

 

LovesWar Says

 

ur acting so cold and hard!

like u dont care!

 

And Him

 

i dont care, im going to bed

 

LovesWar Says

 

please stop it its hurting me

 

And Him

 

night x x x x x

 

LovesWar Says

 

babe

 

LovesWar says:

u making me cry

 

And Him

 

look ive been telling you im going to bed for half an hour!

 

And Him

 

and your SIMPLY ignoring it!

 

LovesWar Says

 

no 5 minutes

And Him

 

good night

 

LovesWar Says

 

u also said we would talk

 

LovesWar Says

 

2night - do u want 2 break up with me

 

And Him

 

i do if i cant go to bed

 

LovesWar Says

 

4get bed. generally

 

And Him

 

i dont know

 

LovesWar Says

 

so who have u met then what is the issue just spit it out!

 

And Him

 

ffs

 

And Him

 

night

 

 

I dont want to writh any more cos that seems like a lot sorry - am i in the wrong here ???

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He doesn't sound ready, and he's avoiding the whole situation. It sounds like he's regretting what he's done... He might also feel pressured, which is making him appear cold. Wait things out. It sounds hard to do, but he needs to clear his head. You can't smith cold steel. Everything will work out for the best, hang in there!

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I've been in a relationship like this before..for almost 2 years! He was so hot and cold and could never make up his mind. He also never wanted to talk out our issues, it was heart breaking! I think you should give him some space. Let him come to you.

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OMg - Im freaking out here. cos guys. i was soooooo careful. him and i had had an up/down relationship for atleas a year b4 it finally ended. A WHOLE year later, trust me... i was sooooo careful. when he came crawling....

 

He was telling me how he needs to find a place to move into soonish, and would like me to be there so we can find a place together. he told me he wants to have kids with me ... all this stuff ... and i kept it cool. but his efforts continued, till he was sending me gifts in the post ... so i gave in. i believed he meant it all.

 

And the one text message he sent today said this - exact -

 

'' well im not 100% sure i want to b with you. And your saying your leaving everything bhind 2 come over! All this pressure on me! We were suppose to be taking things slow. you were suppose to be here in july, but u have prolonged it to sept and changed the way you are! Im just having big doubts about the whole thing! ''

 

It was him begging me to book my flight and me telling him just 2 weeks ago that i would TRY. .. . and for him to stop pressuring ME! it was him who asked me to move in with him. it was him who asked me to go to a concert in Sep ... then he throws it at me and says ...

 

were suppose to b taking things slow ....

 

im so fkd up right now i dont know what to think. hes acting like a cold bstrd. i swear to gd he is mental. either that or i am. 8 days ago. 8 DAYS AGO if i hadnt replied to a message of his, he would phone to see if anything was wrong.

 

now this. and me moaning about him not calling when he said he would is what seem to have triggered it all.

 

i think im going in sane

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It sounds like something has triggered this. He could have simply realised what you are giving up to be with him, on the other hand he could be playing a really cruel game.

 

If you can pin him down long enough to talk, you could ask him what he wants from your relationship and gently remind him that he was the one who initiated getting back together and your move. From the messages, he sounded a bit drunk and off-hand.

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I am so sorry you are going through this. You deserve so much better!! Is he bipolar? He is so hot and cold like my ex. One day he was telling me he wanted to be with me and then the next he wanted nothing to do with me. My life is so much less stressful without him!

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OMG - Thanks guys i really appreciate all of this Ive been going crazy acting all happy at a family function tonight -EVERYONE talking about how im going back to him ...

 

Lisc949 - I think that all the time! Bipolar! Then i just think im scruwed and am making up excuses for him. But it has occurred to me. It seems like anytime there is any pressure - or any doubts he threatens a break-up if i dont concur ....

 

Look i wont lie.

 

Whilst we have been together over the last 6 months. I have not been a doormat. no way, not after being dumped b4. Ive been harsh. I've been stern, but i havent been unreasonable. Maybe irritating - but - not unreasonable.

 

The main things ive gone off on ...

 

he tells me he's going for a drive with a friends. i then come to know it was just a single girl he went with. this girl was his best friends girlfriend - who had just been diagnosed with *something* personality disorder ... she needed a friend. bla bla bla

 

So i did the whole ' * * * - why cant she cry on her bfriends shoulder etc, why you and IS IT NOT weird TO BE GOING FOR A DRIVE ALONE WITH UR BEST FRIENDS GIRLFRIEND .... .'' noooo - apparently i was weird. we fought about that.... whatever.

 

then ... he went for a weekend away with mates. great. i had asked who he was going with and there were like 15 names.... lots of peeps. he'd gotten a bit wasted on a friday and was dying all sat... so i called him. only to hear a womans voice. lol. so of course i freak out on him. turns out it was a friend (who i know of so i know it is indeed a friend) but still - the fact he didnt tell me he was staying in an apartment wit boy 1 boy 2 and GIRL irritated me. According to him i was being pathetic cos he didnt find it an issue. my issue was... he claimed he didnt know who was going to b staying in his appartment seeing as so many peeps were going. i say BULLsht. So we argued bout that.... of course... i end up apologising.

 

Third... things like him just going on benders. He says, hey wer're going to france for xxx birthday. im like 'great u gonna get smashed again and not bother 2 contact me' he then goes off on one. SEEE YOU DONT HAVE ANY FAIT IN ME. WHY U PUT ME DOWN... etc. THEN THE NIGHT ARRIVES... and he FORGETS to contact me, when he says he will - even after ive made it blatently clear that i hope he doesnt! ! ! ! then tells me im a moaner!

 

Doo i need a shrink?

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I don't believe he is trying to be cruel. It sounds like he feels that if he ignores the situation it will go away, and things will go back the way they were.

 

Is this normal though??? Am i suppose to accept this behaviour? Sorry i just dont get it. how on earth can an original DUMPER ever do this to their ex - an entire YEAR later. He has promised me the world - booked this - planned that, and now... all of a sardine, he is acting like an ABSOLUTE stranger.

 

Except when he is having a wnk. then he tells me how great i am ...

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I've been in a relationship like this before..for almost 2 years! He was so hot and cold and could never make up his mind. He also never wanted to talk out our issues, it was heart breaking! I think you should give him some space. Let him come to you.

 

it is heartbreaking...isn't it. my perspective's on the other side of the fence.

i was mr. hot and cold-no-nothing's-wrong-don't-wanna-talk-about-it guy. thoroughly hot...then thoroughly cold.

 

comes down to breaking patterns. if there are signs of the old patterns...he hasn't looked within...and the patterns will continue to manifest. he won't set out to hurt you...but it won't matter. he left you in the first place...so it's not likely that he was stuck in a place of suffering. suffering tends to be the one true motivator to inspire a transformation.

 

cheers.

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