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I think I have really messed up! I need to fix it!


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Back-story:

I have been dating this guy for two months now. We have gotten super closer. We see each pther like 3 times a week and really enjoy one another's company. I know that hei s lookign for a serious relationship. Heecently moved back in with his parents until the end of September. He used to live by himself. When he got laid he made arrangements to move into a 2 bedroom with his friend. His friend’s lease will not be up until the end of September. So, he moved into his parent’s house for two moths to save money until him and his friend move in together.

 

Fast forwarding:

 

So, this weekend I had a wonderful time with the him. I went to church with him on Saturday and we ended up spending the night at his parent’s ranch house, because we went to a party that was five minutes from his parent’s house and over an hour from where we both live. We did not end up leaving the party until about 3AM. His mother invited us to spend the night. I felt a little uncomfortable but I knew realistically that it was the best thing to do b/c we were both very tired. I slept in his room b/c his parents were doing some remodeling to the guest room and he slept in the guest room.

 

Now onto where it gets real sticky. When we first got to his parent’s house, he went into the room and cleaned it up. I went into his room and noticed a picture on his dresser. It was a 5x7 (I think) picture with maybe four smaller pictures of him and a woman. It said “Happy Birthday” in the right hand corner. One of the pictures had the girl by herself with her chest out. I asked him about the picture. I jokingly said to him, gesh you could have put up the pic with you another girl and he said why would I do that when it is a family member. I left it alone.

 

On Wednesday, I was on Facebook (aka “the Devil”) and I noticed that the picture is NOT of him and a family member. It is a picture of him and an ex girlfriend who he dated when he lived in Louisville KT. I am so very mad. I am for several reasons I am mad that he lied to me. I am mad that he did not have enough respect to take the dang picture down before I went in there and I am mad that he still has the pic up to begin with. I do not think that they are still together. With any other guy I would think that maybe he is still with her and have a long distance relationship.

 

Since Wednesday, we were both pretty busy and did not talk on the phone for long periods of time until last night. Last night him & I spoke on the phone. I asked him about the picture. I explained to him that I just wanted to understand why he did not feel comfortable to tell me the truth. We went back and forth for a bit about it. He finally told me that it is a girl that he used to date who is several years younger than him. they were not compatible b/c of maturity level and age and ever since he has been like a big brother to her. He got a little defensive and said that he would not be stupid enough to keep the picture up if he was still dating her and then he said "I see you have been busy". Then I told him that I was not accusing him of still dating her and I did not think that was the case and that I was simply asking to avoid any false assumptions on my part. I told him that if it were the other way around he would probably wonder the same thing and ask me what was up and that he would have every right to do so. So, that was that. We went on to make small talk. He told me that he had a job interview today at 11AM and I congratulated him and told him how wonderful that was.

 

We then began to talk about his birthday that is ocming up on Spet 2nd. He had planned a bbq for labor day wkend as a way to celebrate. Last night, he told me that it was not going to happen b/c people were low on cash and going to be out of town on labor day wkend. He sounded a little disappointed and I told him that i wanted to do something nice for him. He said no it is okay (still sounding a little pitiful). And then he said in a joking manner (at least i think he was joking) we will see about that. and then laughed.

 

We got off of the phone and about 20 mins later. When we got off of the phone I sent his best friend a message on Facebook saying the following:

 

Hi,

I am Jason's friend Maia. As you know, Jason's birthday is coming up. I know he planned to have a bbq for his bday, but he told me tonight that it probably won't happen because everyone is low on cash. I wanted for him to have fun and have an enjoyable 30th bday. I was thinking about finding a way to still have the bbq the Sunday before labor day or maybe have all of his friends meet up at a nice restaurant for dinner.

 

I want to see what your thoughts are about it and see if you would like to help me organize something. Maybe, we can brainstorming ideas and you can help by inviting his friends.

 

Btw, it would be terrific if maybe we could make this a surprise for him. What do you think?

 

Thanks,

Maia

 

***

So, this morning when i got into work I thought it would be nice to send him a message via facebook, b/c his cell phone is not working and tell him good luck on his interview today. Well…..he has freakin de-friended me from his faceboook page! Who does this???? What are we 16 years old? This came as a complete shock to me b/c I never thought that he would be the type to do something like this. Is he mad that I contacted his friend to do something nice for him for his bday? Is it about the stupid pic? Wth? I sent him a message saying that I went on here to wish him good luck and noticed that he had de-friended me and asked what was going on.

 

I am at work trying to hold it together. This is the deal. I really do like and care about him and want this to work out. This really hurts my feelings. The only thing that I can think is that he is done with me. Why else would he do this?? I was thinking about sending him another message expressing to him my apologies if I stepped on his toes and that I have not tried to do anything to offend him. I want him to know that I truly do not want ANYTHING for him but the absolute best.

 

What do you guys think? This is really bad? I was thiknig about sendinghim a message explaing to him that Iwas not trying to invade his privacy about messaging his best friend and that Iwas just trying to be nice. One of my friends said that I should and the two said that Ishould not contact him and let him contact me. What do you guys think??

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Wave - what if his friend does not. Men do not talk about things in grave detail. If his friend was going to explain things to him, I think he would have done it last night when he initialy told him that I messaged him. I feel as though I cannot leave the fate of our relationship in the hands of if his friend decides to say; "hey man, she was just trying to do something nice for yuo."

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The thing is that I am scared that this will be a deal breaker for him. That I will not get the opportunity to tell him in person. I know that he is under a lot of stress with trying to find a job and his money situation. So, this might be the straw that broke the camels back...so to speak. Idk.

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I don't know anything about facebook, but maybe he did it in error? That's seems really weird. You should just take a little time to cool down and then ask him about it. There may be a reasonable explanation. If not, then you don't really want to waste your time with someone like that.

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Don't panic, calm down and wait. Don't send any more msg or emails, you would sound a bit over the edge then in my opinion.

 

You've done nothing wrong, you don't have to apologize. Whatever is on his mind, let him cool off. Within a day or so, talk with him.

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Of course it's not an error, you don't "accidentally" delete your gf from FB. He most likely got mad at you.. so poking him and asking questions, wont help. Leave him be and let him calm down, after the emotions have cooled down a bit, you can have a mature discussion about what happened.

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jul-es, I have looked into it. I do not think it is something that you can do error.

 

If that's true then he's got some major issues when it comes to communication and being passive aggresive. Big red flag. Just take the time to calm down and ask him about it. If he gives you any grief about it then he's definitely not worth your time.

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You've been dating this guy, and then he removes you from facebook? I agree it's the Devil - it makes you overthink things. But I personally think you have every right to ask what's up. Maybe not right off the bat (a little time to cool off, like Jul-els says) but you definitely deserve an explanation. Just be ready for not having an explanation come at all...and if that's the case, be ready to let it go and move on, because this guy wouldn't be worth it if he's not going to bother giving you the time of day.

 

If an explanation does come, perhaps some things will come to light: facebook hacking! embarrassing story that prevented him from contacting you! friends were drunk and never got your fb message! Who knows?

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ok, my take is a little different, but i'm suspicious of this 'cancelled bday party.' perhaps it is still on and he just doesn't want you there??? i know that's suspicious of me, but even though people are short on cash (everyone is!!!!) putting together a labor day picnic/bbq is not very expensive and everyone enjoys going to one. it makes me wonder if he just didn't want you there. then the defriending makes it seem like he is further trying to get you away. a really lame way to break up, imho.

 

my 2 cents, for what it's worth.......

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In the first place you checked up his story about his ex on Facebook - when you told him that he said "I see you have been busy" which was telling you that he didn't appreciate being checked up on via Facebook.

 

Then he tells you that the BBQ is canceled because people couldn't make it for various reasons - so you decide to use his Facebook to try to get people who had previously told him they couldn't go to change their minds and go. He must feel as if he looks like some sort of prize dork who uses his girlfriend to get his friends to have a party for him anyway. And pretty mad that you use his Facebook to do things that he would rather you didn't.

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ok, my take is a little different, but i'm suspicious of this 'cancelled bday party.' perhaps it is still on and he just doesn't want you there??? i know that's suspicious of me, but even though people are short on cash (everyone is!!!!) putting together a labor day picnic/bbq is not very expensive and everyone enjoys going to one. it makes me wonder if he just didn't want you there. then the defriending makes it seem like he is further trying to get you away. a really lame way to break up, imho.

 

my 2 cents, for what it's worth.......

 

No, I doubt that is the case. Up until Tuesday, he has been calling me and wanting to spend time with me like crazy. He is the one who always initiates contact with me. A few weeks ago he was not completely sure about he party b/c he found out that his parents would be out of town that wkend. I tihnk that the main reason he is not having it is b/c HE is broke and depressed about it and does not want to go around asking people to bring this or make that. That is how he is.

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In the first place you checked up his story about his ex on Facebook - when you told him that he said "I see you have been busy" which was telling you that he didn't appreciate being checked up on via Facebook.

 

Then he tells you that the BBQ is canceled because people couldn't make it for various reasons - so you decide to use his Facebook to try to get people who had previously told him they couldn't go to change their minds and go. He must feel as if he looks like some sort of prize dork who uses his girlfriend to get his friends to have a party for him anyway. And pretty mad that you use his Facebook to do things that he would rather you didn't.

 

he never told me that his best friend could not make it. He said that his parents would be out of town. But i think the main reason he does not want to have to the party is b/c he is broke and depressed. also, i did not tell him that i went on his facebook page to confirm who the girl was in his pic. i never brought facebook up. with all that being said, I realize that i might not have done the smartest thing by contacting his friend. my question is, now, how do i repair the damamge that i have done.

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Apologise. Tell him you were doing it for what you thought were good intentions but when you think about it realised it wasn't such a good idea.

 

As to not telling him you went on Facebook to check about his ex - how else would you have known the truth? He probably guessed that is how you found out and said "You have been busy" - or he may have thought your checked up on him in some other way.

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Wait.. did you use his Facebook or no? Why would you do that? And that would explain why he deleted you for sure..

 

I didn't read that from your previous post.

 

yes i used facebook to contact his friend. i did not tell him that i found out about who the girl was in the pic from facebook. although, he could have easily guessed. this is why i am saying that i KNOW i f'ed up! i was not thinking. I wanted to do something nice for him and did not think before i sent the message to his best friend. this is why i was considering possibly sending a note to him explaining myself so he would not think im a lunatic! it was completely innocent. it just looks really bad.

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Apologise. Tell him you were doing it for what you thought were good intentions but when you think about it realised it wasn't such a good idea.

 

Ahhh I am so confused! I just do not want to scare him off. Some are telling me by doing this I will appear even MORE pyscho!

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