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How do I deal with this?


breatheme5892

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So as I said in my previous thread, I am new to self injury but over the past week I've cut myself a lot. Yesterday was the first day all week that I didn't cut and I really wanted to try and stop cutting all together. I got out of the house and spent time with a good friend of mine. Everything was great and I felt like I could actually use force of will to stop cutting. Then last night I received news that my good friend got alcohol poisoning and was in the hospital. I had the urge to cut but I resisted and went to sleep without picking up the blade. This morning I felt really positive about the small amount of progress that I had made. I was in my room doing my make up when I accidentally knocked over my bronzer and it completely spilled on my white carpet. I did my best to remove the stain and I got most of it out but my mom still noticed it. When she saw it, she freaked out. She has OCD about cleanliness and so of course she screamed at me. She called me irresponsible, which she ALWAYS calls me in arguments. Let me tell you, I am the FARTHEST thing from irresponsible. Sure, I make mistakes, and I'm not the most clean person, but I am very responsible and it really hurts when she doesn't realize that. She then proceeded to go ape-s**t because I opened up her mail thinking it was my school schedule (she is a teacher in my town and so the header of the letter was the same as all letters from my school). I know that she was just caught up in the moment but her anger over that was completely unjustified. The whole time when she was yelling at me, all I could think of was cutting. When she finished, I went into my room and cut myself on my arm and on my hip (I was so upset that I didn't even care where I was cutting... I've been cutting my hip so I could hide them but I just grabbed my arm and cut it). Clearly force of will is not enough, as someone in my previous thread posted. I am scared that I am in a sick spiral and that this will continue to happen and get even more out of hand. But, sadly, I don't care enough at the present time to tell anyone or to REALLY try and make myself stop. Maybe it's because I don't actually think it's a problem and I'm naive about the seriousness of the matter, I don't know. Can anyone give me advice on how to deal with times in which you are so overcome by emotions and all you want to do is cut? Also, is there anything that someone can say that will really get it through my head that I need to stop? Thank you so much

 

PS sorry for the long post, haha.

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But you apparently do care enough because if you didn't you wouldn't have posted anything here. Parents, ALL PARENTS, are absolutely out of their minds, no matter how "great" they are. And I know some people out there who are parents might take offense to that, well, you are so... shut up. Cutting yourself doesn't solve anything, it takes your mind off of something and puts the focus on something else, the cutting. But dealing with things like that is not good for you OR your relationships. You were strong, and you let it slip. Which is only human. Try doing this, simply place a rubber band around your wrist and every time you feel the urge to cut yourself, snap the rubber band and tell yourself no... just a suggestion.

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The rubber band is a really interesting suggestion - just be careful that it, too, doesn't become something that will eventually need to be replaced with something more. I like the idea of using it as a sort of "patch" to get yourself off the cutting. Just be sure you don't use it to get back on the cutting after you feel like you're able to go long enough without it.

 

I'm sure people have mentioned it, but since this is the first I saw your post, let me say it again: cutting yourself is an addictive habit, the same exact thing as the downward spiral you mentioned. It releases endorphins that make you feel better about yourself momentarily because you're able to detract from the REAL pain and the REAL issue for a while.

 

Whether or not it's something you're totally excited about, I strongly recommend seeing a counselor. You have the right idea about going cold turkey with the cutting, but you will likely need some help afterwards, even if you are able to give it up on your own.

 

I wish you the best of luck - this is a hard situation, but you seem to be a very strong person to be making a progressive effort about this. Talking about it is the first step, and making the decision to stop is even better.

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What I meant by not caring is that even though I recognize that the behavior is unhealthy and part of me obviously does want it to stop, that part isn't strong enough for me to act on. In other words, I care but not enough to stop it. And the rubber band thing seems like a good idea. I'll definitely try it.

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Have you done any counselling? Self injury is a coping mechanism and usually flares up during stressful times...

I would try to really focus on what you're saying to yourself during these times, a lot of negative self talk seems to go with self injury.

Also if you can try to distract yourself when you feel the need to cut...I used to be bulimic and if i could distract myself for at least ten minutes then i could overcome the urge...

Yoga, meditation, long walks and replacing negative self talk with positive self talk are all helpful...

and ALWAYS acknowledge the small steps...you didn't cut for a whole day CONGRATS!!!!

Don't make your slip ups your only reality...

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Have you done any counselling? Self injury is a coping mechanism and usually flares up during stressful times...

I would try to really focus on what you're saying to yourself during these times, a lot of negative self talk seems to go with self injury.

Also if you can try to distract yourself when you feel the need to cut...I used to be bulimic and if i could distract myself for at least ten minutes then i could overcome the urge...

Yoga, meditation, long walks and replacing negative self talk with positive self talk are all helpful...

and ALWAYS acknowledge the small steps...you didn't cut for a whole day CONGRATS!!!!

Don't make your slip ups your only reality...

 

I do see a therapist. I haven't told her yet, one because I haven't had a session with her since this has started, and two because I don't know if I'm ready to discuss it with her yet.

 

I also used to be bulimic (and still have slip-ups every now and then) so I know what it took me in the past to stop the urges of that. I just refused to let myself throw up. But, as everyone says, ED's are something you have to deal with for your WHOLE life. I had a serious problem with bulimia 2 years ago but I still B&P every now and then. I have a feeling that self-injury is going to take the same course, which I really don't want it to, especially because it's something new and is scary right now for me, whereas I have been dealing with my ED for 2 years and it's much less scary.

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ok this sounds exactly like me about 6+ months ago. I thought maybe i posted it it sounded so familiar.

 

I really urge u to talk to ur therapist, or someone else you trust about it. Because if u dont it will probably end up out of your control.

I never thought it was a problem for me either, then one day it hit me that it was, but it was too late.

 

Distracting yourself is the best method i've found. Art/craft things work well for me, i dont know if ur into that kind of thing.. um listening to music, going for a walk or if its night just going to sleep. And also calling a friend. Doesnt have to be talking about whats wrong, just a chat to take ur mind off things.

 

Please take it seriously now and try get in control of things before its too late, before all u think about is cutting and not cutting and covering up scars and stopping the blood. Its no fun at all and it consumes your life, and then you're stuck with the scars forever.

 

pm me if u want, i think i know what ur going through and i want to help

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