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hurt and confused

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My girlfriend left me last week, she said she didnt love me anymore,

we had been going out for 2 years, and she just came out and told me that she didnt love me anymore but wanted to try to work on it, I said whats the point if you dont love me. I wish i had never said that because i was just upset and it came out, I miss her so much and cannot cope, I have started drinking heavily and i am very depressed. I dont know what to do, I keep clinging to the hope she will change her mind.

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Damn, man. It sounds like you are really hurting! Just be careful with the alcohol bud. Don't hurt yourself with that stuff. It can be nasty. It sounds like you are having second thoughts about what you told her initially. I however would have to agree with what you told her though. If she doesn't love you there may not be anything to "work on." The truth is that you can't make someone love you. You can't love her enough for both of you in other words. I'm not sure that there is anything magical that anyone can say in a situation like this to take the pain away. That sort of thing hurts on so many levels, as I'm sure you know by now. I would recommend that you don't isolate yourself from people right now. Eventhough that is probably what you feel like doing. Hang out with your friends. It's better to talk to your buds about stuff like this than to just drink alone. If your guy friends are too macho, or whatever, to talk to you about your feelings. Go talk to your female friends (women are just great for stuff like this). At anyrate, this is probably the last thing you want to hear right now, but remember there are something like 3.5 billion other women on this planet your ex is not the only one who you can be happy with. Take it easy man.



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  • 7 months later...

Unfortunately, you are not alone. There are quite a few out there that this has happened to and myself being one of them. I will tell you that alcohol is a poor way to drown sorrows. To be honest, what I would suggest, is if you really still love her and want her around, then you have to look at the options. Options being:

Do you think that it would be worth your feelings to get hurt again if you tried to get her back and it didn't work?

Do you think that she would listen and understand?

Do you know her well enough to make a decision on what she might want from you?

When you get a positive reaction from your feelings on all of these things, sit down and write... Write down what you want to tell her. Most men have a hard time with reason on a whim, as per your instantanious reaction with hurtful words. I can't say that this is a sure fire way to get anyone back, but it will sure make you feel better to get those feelings out to make sure you know what exactly it is you want. Even if it is from her. Easier said than done, I know, but don't waste your life away worrying about the petty things that you say or do. She might not have even taken offense to it. She might have understood. You never know. Women are fickle and that is just that. So, good luck and try not to make a habit of finding things to do that might hurt yourself to get things off your mind.

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