Monogamy

[rosephase]

Just wondering where the lines are. If you are monogamous and in a relationship do you expect that your partner will:

 

1) Never find anyone else attractive?

2) Never have a crush or infatuation with someone else?

3) Will never flirt with someone else?

 

Do you expect you will:

 

4) never find anyone else attractive?

5) never have a crush on someone else?

6) never flirt with someone else?

 

If you do experience any of those things or your partner did, would you share the thought or feeling, or expect your partner to?

 

Or if you feel like all of those things are off the table and then you experience them, is that the end of your relationship?

 

Just wondering

[waveseer]

We are human even when we are in an exclusive relationship. Ideally we could be open and honest about it. Telling your partner about an attraction usually ruins it, little tip there.

[_Asti_]

Like said, we are humans.

We can't control attraction or feelings, but what can control is how we react to them and respond to them.

 

I know for myself and him, there are people we find attractive. We're not shy to discuss it, we are open about it because there's strength, security and trust in our relationship, that talking about attractive people doesn't make us feel threatened or jealous.

I have had feelings and chemistry with other people, it happens. I did everything to avoid the people, and did everything I could to shape my feelings and not put myself in a position to let the feelings grow. It wasn't hard, my commitment to my partner far exceeded the little crushes and chemistry, and I knew it meant nothing.

I didn't share it with him, because it was nothing.

 

When in a monogamous relationship I hope that both him and I REACT appropriatetly like two people who are commited to another person, and respect the fact that we are in a relationship together. We have had no problems over the last 5 years about it, and I think its because we share the same views about being in a relationship and are very committed to each other.

[Circe]

I think having a crush/attraction to someone that's short term is fine because its natural .. but a long term crush/attraction isnt because I do think that if you feel youself having a crush its probably best to get some distance and not feed the crush. It just seems like the most appropriate thing to do.

[Capricorn3]

I think it's totally normal for both genders to be attracted to others, even if you're in a monogamous relationship or not. Heck, my husband and I even point out hot guys/women to each other! We love "people watching" , lol.

 

Monogamy doesn't make one blind to the opposite sex.

[JusticeLaw9]

It's not so much the fact that you find another person attractive, but moreso how you conduct yourself. You can experience extreme attraction to another man/woman at any given time.

[Cognitive_Canine]

Just wondering where the lines are. If you are monogamous and in a relationship do you expect that your partner will:

 

1) Never find anyone else attractive?Of course not. He's still a man. My boyfriend and I talk about which celebrities are attractive.

2) Never have a crush or infatuation with someone else? Crushes are inevietable. I expect him not to act on it.

3) Will never flirt with someone else? Both my boyfriend and I flirt like fiends. We tell each other about it too. But, we don't flirt in front of each other.

 

 

Same answers for me as well.

 

If my boyfriend or I have a crush, we "deal with it" but don't tell each other.

[Nixee]

Being in an exclusive, committed relationship to me does not mean putting the blinders on..... for either one of us.

 

If you try to force that, you are asking for trouble just as much as if you actively seek out someone to cheat with.

 

Being committed simply means knowing when to stop, when to hold back and when to say no... not just to other people, but to yourself.

 

So yes, of course I've felt attraction to others while in a relationship, I've had crushes, and I've flirted (and my partner has as well). The main thing is that it always stays SMALL. To the point that whether or not you DO tell your partner about it, you would never feel it is something you wouldn't tell them about at any cost. Basically, if you feel you must hide it... then there is probably something wrong or a bit overboard about it.

[Batya33]

1) Never find anyone else attractive?

 

2) Never have a crush or infatuation with someone else?

3) Will never flirt with someone else?

 

Do you expect you will:

 

4) never find anyone else attractive?

5) never have a crush on someone else?

6) never flirt with someone else?

 

I don't expect any of these things - it's all about degree. I know I won't act on 1 or 2 should it happen and as for 3 I see nothing wrong with harmless flirting which I do with my girlfriends, too. I feel the same about my partner.

 

 

If you do experience any of those things or your partner did, would you share the thought or feeling, or expect your partner to?

 

No. That's unnecessary to share because the potential for feeling hurt from an overactive imagination is not worth it - I am not a "let it all hang out" kind of person in a relationship - I balance openness with tact and compassion.