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Ammy

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Hey guys,

 

I met a new guy about 2 weeks ago. We met online and had one chat conversation and then he asked me if I'd like to meet up for a drink. I agreed as I was taking the advice of ENA-ers who told me to stop investing too much time in online communication and just meet people.

 

Anyway we met 2 weeks ago, he is cute and we had good conversation for about 3 hours. I wasn't feeling HUGE sparks or anything really... (Partly perhaps cos I am a little caught up on the last guy still?).

 

Anyway he asked me out again and we met up for dinner last Friday. It was nice cos he took me somewhere quite posh and paid and then we went for drinks and I even met one of his work friends. He kissed me a few times (felt a bit awkward as per my previous post). We had a LONG date - perhaps too long as I felt there were a few awkward silences (perhaps that's because of us staying out for 6 hours.. or is that a bad sign?).

 

He then asked me out again and we're meeting up again this weekend.

 

The thing is, he asks me out, but he has not once said - Ammy, I like you, or you're cute or anything complimentary to me. His actions tell me he likes me enough to want to see me again... but I am confused that he doesn't SAY anything to confirm this (I know actions speak louder than words, but I'd like both!). When we are both online, he rarely talks to me - very limited online communication (perhaps a good thing?)... But I am just concerned that he doesn't really LIKE me that much, it's more a convenience thing?

 

Maybe I'm overanalysing (as I do) and maybe I've just had too much experience with guys who act all gaga over me from the first moment (but then ditch me without warning) so I'm lulled into this sense that relationships are like in the movies - all gushy and rushed?

 

Also doesn't help cos I'm not feeling huge sparks. Objectively he's a good match for me... but I am not feeling butterflies etc like I have in the past - but I wonder if that is due to his "held back" stance too? If he was all gushy, I'd probably fall into it too.

 

What do you guys think? Is this a normal progression for a new dating thing?

 

Ammy

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No one could tell you the real answer but him...and I know it's an awkward thing to come out and ask, lol.

 

But if it helps, when my boyfriend and I were first dating he was just like that. I sucked it up and decided to just interpret his actions, which definitely said he liked me. After a few weeks he came out and said he wanted to be in a relationship with me, and here we are almost 10 months later...so, if he acts like he likes you, I wouldn't assume he doesn't just because he doesn't say so. From your story, he seems quite interested!

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i wouldn't worry too much about him at this stage, and continue to go on a few more dates with him and see where things go. i wouldn't expect him to be gushing compliments all over you at this stage. just go out again, get to know him better, and see where things go!

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I do think you're over-analyzing the situation quite a bit. It seems like he really does like you. As far as the online thing, you really don't have much of purpose for it now considering that you can meet up and/or call each other if you have something to say. Ok, ok, a little quick "Hey" over IM won't bother anything, but you don't want that to become the primary contact when you guys can just meet or talk over the phone.

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Thanks guys... I'm definitely taking the wait and see approach at the moment and will continue to see him until I make up my mind (or conversely he makes up his mind)...

 

I just don't know what is normal anymore because I seem to have had soooo many abnormal men in a row who have been all gushy - only to go on and hurt me BADLY.

 

I kinda like the no fuss approach of this guy... but I don't know how I feel about him and this stresses me out - I am a control freak, like to know the future...!

 

Ammy

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He may have had experiences where the girl runs after he compliments on her physical beauty so he is playing it cool. Point is that it DOES have you wondering making him different than the others because guys are "supposed" to be driven by a woman's beauty when one comes along who completely ignores the physical it makes you wonder.

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He may have had experiences where the girl runs after he compliments on her physical beauty so he is playing it cool. Point is that it DOES have you wondering making him different than the others because guys are "supposed" to be driven by a woman's beauty when one comes along who completely ignores the physical it makes you wonder.

 

Its weird cos on the one hand I WANT that attention that I have received before, but on the other hand I rationally know that every time I have had that attention in the past, the person has been insincere about me as a person (or at least has only been sincere in the moment and has let me down as quickly as they boosted me up.)

 

I just wonder is the way this guy behaves, the way it SHOULD be with a genuine guy... or is he just not that into me?

 

And I wonder if I'm not that into him.. or whether it's the whole issue of not knowing that is making me cautious too?

 

Argh complicated... it's not really a big deal... just curious to know!

 

Ammy

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Ammy stop!!!!

 

you are doing the saaame thing you do everytime. Investing this much so early is why you end up getting hurt "badly". Its not because anyone actually does anything horrible, its because you get so emotionally involved after a couple of dates!!

 

He took you to a posh place- good sign

He has asked you out again- good sign

 

The guy is just getting to know you, , and maybe he doesnt feel comfortable enough yet to be freely giving out compliments

 

Just RELAX and go with the flow.

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i dont really compliment as much as I used to when it comes to seeing some one for the first few dates. I rather just get to know her better. But i do makesure that I give her attention - ie. email/phone call/sms to see how the day is going etc.

 

that hopefully will show her that im interested.....

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Ammy stop!!!!

 

you are doing the saaame thing you do everytime. Investing this much so early is why you end up getting hurt "badly". Its not because anyone actually does anything horrible, its because you get so emotionally involved after a couple of dates!!

 

He took you to a posh place- good sign

He has asked you out again- good sign

 

The guy is just getting to know you, , and maybe he doesnt feel comfortable enough yet to be freely giving out compliments

 

Just RELAX and go with the flow.

 

Print this out, put it on your bathroom mirror (but remove before he comes to your place for the first time ;-)

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You mention awkward silences and awkward kisses....all normal for the first few dates but...

I think we spend waaay too much time wondering if the guy likes US and no time wondering if WE like the guy!!

Have you paid him any compliments or do you just want him to do that? Like you said, people who come on strongly usually leave strongly, so maybe he's going to tell you he likes you when he really feels it and means it.

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I think we spend waaay too much time wondering if the guy likes US and no time wondering if WE like the guy!!

.

 

Yep this is me to a tee... My feelings don't come into the equation... I'm too busy trying to impress the other person, rather than sit back and think if I want them to like me and if I want to be with them! LOL...

 

Yes peeps I will stop overanalysing.. sometimes I think I just enjoy creating drama where there is none! DRAMA QUEEN?!

 

 

Ammy

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Honestly, it doesn't matter. You've known him two weeks only. Been out on two or three dates? At this point, relationship or compliments wouldn't even be in my head. I wouldn't even allow myself to think it until maybe 5 or 6 dates and constant contact in between.

 

At this point, you should be in a place where if he disappears, your only reaction should be - huh, I wonder what happened to him but oh well, at least I got a really nice dinner, now which color nail polish should I use today...

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TikTok Advice For Relationships Sucks

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