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Letting go is not the same as giving up.


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I said this to my mom about 20 years ago. It may be the truest thing I ever said.

 

Letting go is accepting that the other persons path in life may not be to your liking. It is releasing them from obligation to behave as you wish them to while at the same time hoping they can find their happiness in any way they see fit.

 

Giving up is thinking that one of you will be worse off because your paths are no longer parallel. Giving up means that you resign yourself to a less than ideal outcome. Giving up on someone is never necessary.

 

Letting go is often necessary.

 

Let's explore.

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So your telling me its better to let go then give up because........ We both are at the conclusion that our current paths dont match right now, but possibly at some point down the road they might??? And giving up on someone is more or less saying I never see us fit in the future I never want to know you again??

 

EXPLORE

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So your telling me its better to let go then give up because........ We both are at the conclusion that our current paths dont match right now, but possibly at some point down the road they might??? And giving up on someone is more or less saying I never see us fit in the future I never want to know you again??

 

EXPLORE

 

Giving up is accepting anything less than the outcome that is best for all concerned. Giving up means that you think the situation can never be improved upon in any way. It doesn't mean any one thing, it means you have removed from your realm of possibility any chance of an optimistic outlook regarding that person.

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it's nice to read that and it gives me hope and perspective. It sounds so healthy to let go..

 

Yes, it is healthy in my opinion. One word of experience I could throw in at this point is that life presents us with opportunities to let go over and over again in a never ending fashion. Sometimes we are challenged to let go of the same person or situation over and over again because while we weren't looking we rekindled our expectations regarding them or it.

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I said this to my mom about 20 years ago. It may be the truest thing I ever said.

 

Letting go is accepting that the other persons path in life may not be to your liking. It is releasing them from obligation to behave as you wish them to while at the same time hoping they can find their happiness in any way they see fit.

 

Giving up is thinking that one of you will be worse off because your paths are no longer parallel. Giving up means that you resign yourself to a less than ideal outcome. Giving up on someone is never necessary.

 

Letting go is often necessary.

 

Let's explore.

 

 

I disagree with this. Letting go means walking away from a situation and not let it bother you...letting go has nothing to do with the other person..it is not wishing them good or bad..it is simply not counting them as a part of your life anymore. Giving up has nothing to do with feeling worse off. Giving up has to do with realizing someone is a lost cause and that there is nothing you can do to change the situation so you give up on that person and focus on your own life. You can give up on a person as well as let them go...because I see those two things as pretty much the same. When you let go you are indeed giving up on someone..and you can give up on someone and lead a productive, healthy, happy life without that person in it...in fact, when it reaches the point where you do have to give up on someone, it means that your life will indeed be better off without them because when you have to give up it means that person has caused you so much pain that giving up on them leads to more happiness than actually holding out hope for a lost cause.

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Wow, cool post, Waveseer.

 

I think of letting go like being comfortable with uncertainty and abstraction. Instead of trying to fight our feelings of blindness, we just accept and give into them, and go with the flow. We may or may not be with our ex someday. Letting go is like not being attached to outcomes anymore and just seeing what happens.

 

Giving up, IMO, means you don't even try. Things aren't going the way you want, so you just determine that you're done instead of taking a "wait and see" attitude. Giving up is trying to make something absolute that is not absolute.

 

With letting go, you don't have expectations. You may want your ex but you accept that they are gone for now. You don't expect them to either come back or be gone forvever. You simply know they are going to do what they want and you accept it and go on with your life as it is and try to make the best of it, without being tied to the results.

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I don't see giving up as negative at all....not if the giving up has been preceded by lots of trying. For example, supposing someone is married to an abuser or an alcoholic and the person tries for years to make the relationship work only to be beaten down again and again. The person finally realizes that their partner will never change so they give up on that person, realize it will never change until the end of time and move on to a brighter future away from all the drama and angst. It would be silly to think in terms of "letting go" in the sense of having a positive outlook that things could ever change for the better with that person...if you simply "let go" while still holding out residual hope that things will improve, you are simply held hostage to hope for a lost cause. The scenario put forth by the OP and agreed to by others is akin to going NC in the hopes that there will be reconciliation. Giving up is akin to going NC with the understanding that it is completely over forever and ever and that it is time to move on to a better life away from all that angst.

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The phrase "giving up" is pregnant with the sense of disappointment of one's expectations...so "letting go" sounds better, because we are now divesting of the expectations that were disappointed...I think they mean the same thing, but "letting go" is more appropriate to a healing mentality. "Giving up" is what we do during and immediately after the break up.

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I said this to my mom about 20 years ago. It may be the truest thing I ever said.

 

Letting go is accepting that the other persons path in life may not be to your liking. It is releasing them from obligation to behave as you wish them to while at the same time hoping they can find their happiness in any way they see fit.

 

Giving up is thinking that one of you will be worse off because your paths are no longer parallel. Giving up means that you resign yourself to a less than ideal outcome. Giving up on someone is never necessary.

 

Letting go is often necessary.

 

Let's explore.

 

This is the concept I spent many weeks in therapy trying to understand. And when I finally grasped it, my whole world became easier. The tough decisions finally became clearer.

(for the purpose of this discussion, I will use the OPs terms)

 

"letting go" was the most freeing feeling. It was the moment that I realized just because I want/need something different than him doesn't make me wrong or bad. Our paths were headed in a different direction and I had to accept that, and, more over, my life would be easier and happier if I found someone headed in the same direction as me. It is an understanding that things and people change - and that is okay. And as I learned it is a logical view more than an emotional one.

 

"giving up", to me, indicated a failure. Like I didn't work hard enough to make it work. That if I just tried harder I could make our paths converge. It also lead me to a sense of being wrong. That my choices were bad. It had a lot of negative connotations. So I spent a long time denying that our paths were different and tired to mold him (and me) into what I thought we needed as a partnership. That doesn't work.

 

Whatever terms you want to give them, the concept of "letting go" and "giving up" (in this context) really represent a shift in your thought process. One is emotional based, assigning blame, feeling remorse, very negative. The other is positive, it is a state of acceptance and moving forward, it is more of a logical stance.

 

Anyway, that is my two cents.

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Yea, in love or relationship, its just mind game, how you think affect more than how you talk and how you do....

 

I love the way you define those words rikka! I was thinking the same way but just hardly to express it out...

 

Yep, we have to accept that our ex did spent time with us, but when we knew(we'll all know) that we are not in the same route, we have to separate! you just have to let him/her go, but not clinging on them, and try to fix, or change anything, love is about feeling, its all natural, its not like we can put a bolt or a screw inside to modify or fix anything, it just won't work...

 

As for me, my ex was a perfect girl, most beautiful woman in this world(sorry if it sounds crazy and offending)... But I learned to let go on her, she seek her best, I saw that so I try not to put up a fight, or having a argument with affair or whatsoever.... I accept that she try to do the best for herself, finding a man that most suits her, I love her, I will give her the best, in the mean time, I love myself too, I thanked her that she made me realised who I am, what kind of relationship that I want, not from her, I'll respect and understand that I love the way she are! Not the way after I've changed her or changed myself out... Whenever you fixed, its not natural anymore, chemistry lost...

 

I'm glad that I've met a wonderful woman like my ex in my life, but we does not mean for each other... I think................. It will be my happiest moment to have her in my life for 8 months, its not long, but... I love the way she is, even now with another guy .. I think she'll do just fine, and I wan to do the same~ I think she'll be happy if she hears that I've moved on... I love her, always, will always love her in my heart.... but i won't expect that in return...

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The phrase "giving up" is pregnant with the sense of disappointment of one's expectations...so "letting go" sounds better, because we are now divesting of the expectations that were disappointed...I think they mean the same thing, but "letting go" is more appropriate to a healing mentality. "Giving up" is what we do during and immediately after the break up.

 

I think "letting go" is just another one of those "feel good" words...the outcome of "letting go" and "giving up" are the same....giving up doesn't necessarily mean the person has a negative outlook. What is the difference between saying "he died" and saying "he passed on". "Passed on" is less harsh to the ear because it has images of moving on to another plane..passed on to heaven...whereas "died" just sounds so final and harsh. Bottom line is that no matter what terms you use, the facts are the same. Someone can still grieve and move forward positively whether they acknowledge that the person "died" or "passed on". A person who uses the word "died" no more or less negative than a person who uses the words "passed on". It is just words.

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I think "letting go" is just another one of those "feel good" words...the outcome of "letting go" and "giving up" are the same....giving up doesn't necessarily mean the person has a negative outlook. What is the difference between saying "he died" and saying "he passed on". "Passed on" is less harsh to the ear because it has images of moving on to another plane..passed on to heaven...whereas "died" just sounds so final and harsh. Bottom line is that no matter what terms you use, the facts are the same. Someone can still grieve and move forward positively whether they acknowledge that the person "died" or "passed on". A person who uses the word "died" no more or less negative than a person who uses the words "passed on". It is just words.

 

I disagree. I think the difference is in state of mind, not semantics. 'Letting go' is expressing a specific state of mind. One very different from 'giving up'.

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