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my mum shows signs of possible borderline personality disorder

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The title pretty much explains itself. I have been on google and seen the similarities between the borderline personality disorder and my mum's behaviour. ie; a pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation, feelings of emptiness, inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper and constant anger.) She also displays paranoia and black and white thinking about most people.

Sometimes seeks attention.


Background information:


She was abused by her mother, who was in and out of mental hospitals and seemed to be on medication all the time.


My dad also was violent towards her and was also an alcholic. He was also very controlling.


I understand that all this was difficult and distressing but she blames these events for who she is now.


She is unhappy at work and says that all her colleagues are mean to her and the phone calls she has to take are very stressful. I only believe this to an extent, cos recently she has tended to lie or exaggerate about events.


She thinks she is right about everything. She thinks everyone is out to get her and if you tell her something contradicts the things she is telling you, she loses it.


She is very judgmental and patronising around friends and family: her "nearest and dearest" and she doesn't listen to anyone. Even when they are just trying to help.


I have tried everything. I have tried to persuade her to seek help, I have tried to block her out, but nothing works. She has been like this for 6 years and now she is starting to treat my brother the same.


Any ideas? I'm at my wits end!

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Another characteristic of BPD is that the person will not take responsibility for their own actions; given your mother's background, it would be very surprising if she didn't have severe emotional issues of her own.


Sadly, there's very little even mental health professionals can do for personality disorders, though in some areas there may be groups for this specific condition which are very effective if the person acknowledges there's a problem and is willing to work on it with support. Even so they would need to be referred for this.


There's certainly nothing you can do to help her.


Do your problems with her arise in part because you live with her at the moment?

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That might have something to do with it although she does seem to have a personal vendetta against me.


Also yes, you're right, she doesn't take responsiblity for her actions. An example would be timing. She is constantly late for work or has more than an hour for lunch or just takes half an afternoon off with little or no notice. She does not accept that this is wrong nor is she disciplined for it.


Also I think she does have lots of emotional issues. The problem is, I don't know what they are.

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