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How to leave an abusive relationshi...
How to leave an abusive relationship and why it's so hard

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Hello my name is Graham. Am here for some advice as to handle my situation. am really not sure how to start but will try my best.


I have been seeing this women for about 2 years now. i was 22 when we first got together she was 30. and well the age gap never really bothered us. am not sure how she really felt about the gap but she always told me i was much older for my age than most 22 year olds. and its true. I had to grow up fast in my childhood. But am going off subject here.


I was a very shy person and never really had a real relationship with anyone before, So i really was not sure what to do. i got to know this women. she picked me out from the rest of my workmates and that made me feel wanted. its never happened to me before when someone picks you out like that, and i worked in a gym. so there was plenty of other good looking guys there so that made me feel very special.


When we first got together i new there was going to be some problems with our new relationship, She just got back from a relationship in majorca and that lasted about 4 years but ended not by her fault.. she moved back to Scotland and within 4 or 5 months we got together after we meet in my work.


When we got together she was diagnosed with narcolepsy, it dramatically affected her life, doing day to day things was a real challenge, when she was told she could not drive ever again she was gutted but i stuck by her side keeping her hopes up that her life is not over. and she could life a normal life.


A short time later her closest friend and loved one her grandpa was diagnosed with alzheimers. he was sent to a care home and her grandma was left along she couldin drive and felt like she wasin doing enuff. we started to drift apart and our relationship was not strong anuff to deal with it. but i tried my best to keep her hopes up. but it put alot of strain on our relationship. we started to argue alot about stupid things and am not one for arguing so i was like a punch bag. this also made her feel worse.


a short time later she thought it would be a good idea to have some time apart. i was not happy about it as i wanted to be by her side. but that would just put more strain on her so i agreed. and we split for 2 months..


We got back together and it went from bad to worse. the time apart made her think she was worthless. and i was better off without her and that she was better off alone. she said i was young and that i had my hole life infrunt of me.. i tried so hard to convince her she was the only one for me and i told her i wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. i got her an engagement ring i didin tell her i wanted to get engage. as i think at the time was not a good idea as i felt it would just put more strain on our relationship.


We finally split up. and i was heartbroken. I have never felt like that before in my life, it felt like the life had been sucked out of me. i don't have a lot of friends so finding someone to talk to about it made me just want to get back with her as soon as possible, i was sending txts i was going to her work begging her to get back with me. i was phoning her when i was drunk. i was even thinking of stocking her, but i never did. i asked her out for dinner and she agreed... we had a lot to drink and well one thing went to anther and we went home and sleep together.. she felt really bad in the morning and i felt worse.. our relationship was in shambles and made her more determined to move on. about a week ago. she sent me a email.. this was the email..


Dear Graham,


I wanted to see you last night but obviously I got your text about not being at work. I know this is a cowards way out but I want you to know asap that I've been out with someone a few times in the last few weeks. I am not going to say anything to try and make this any easier for either of us as I would end up going on for ages trying to justify myself even though I've done nothing wrong. All I want to say is it had nothing to do with us breaking up and that I want you to know before anyone in the work

I hope you still talk to me...


j xxx



Am so heartbroken. I dont know what to do i still love her so much. and i know i should be strong and move on. but i cant. she still works for us and i will only see her once a week, after all we have been through i have goting very protective of her and am not a small lad am 6 and half foot am not a violent person am always called the friendly giant. but i have no idea what i will do if i see her with this new guy i dont know what i will do to him!! i dont think she will bring him into work i don't think she would do that to me.. i dont have anyone to turn too so this is why i am here.. am sorry if this was abit long..


EDIT: I also get theses feelings that this guy is with her just now. and also keep thinking before i go to sleep that this guy could be sleeping with her just now!! I dont know what to do. Why dus it need to hurt like this!


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I'm going to say the usual stuff


She has moved on. You need to realise it is over, no matter how hard it is. We have all been there and you will get over her. YOu are only 22 and at that age you will have no problems meeting loads of women when you are ready.


You should stop all contact with her, tell her you cant be friends with her at the moment as you need to move and she should not contact you. If you are finding it really hard then remove all evidence of her, emails, texts,mobile number,pictures,facebook..etc It is better not to know what she is doing. Meanwhile talk to friends and family about it all. Catch up with old friends. Make plans and keep yourself busy. Take up sports,hobbies and fitness stuff. anything you enjoy doing and getting out of the house. Then this will take your mind of her. Motivation will be hard at first but just keep pushing yourself to do things. eventually you will start to feel better. If she is on your mind before going to bed then start reading a book before going to bed. This wil help you sleep and stop dreaming about her.

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