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in desperate need of some advice..


booschhh

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hey guys. my story is pretty complicated but ill attempt to get it all straight in a short of a post as possible.

 

i met my fiance on facebook about 6 months ago. we instantly hit it off and fell in love in what seemed to be a matter of days. he was in the UK and i was in new york. he had always wanted to come here so it all seemed to be right. i got us a place, he sold everything he owned and got up enough money for us to survive until he could get a job. hes here now and has been for just under a month. he proposed a few days after he arrived.

 

then all sorts of nonsense seemed to start.

 

for starters my entire family doesn't seem to approve ( i cant say i blame them being as im a single mom of a seven year old). ive not spoken to my best friend in two weeks due this whole thing. i had kept it all to myself from the beginning due to the fact that my family is extremely judge mental. i knew theyd have nothing but horrible things to say , and sadly i was right.

 

i never once had any doubt in my mind that this man was anything short of perfect for me. im divorced and swore that id never in a million years even consider doing it ever again. thats all changed now and noone seems to respect my decision. naturally this has created some issues between him and i being as im so stressed out by the situation.

i was having a conversation with one of my aunt whom im very close with and she had brought to my attention that we've only known each other for a short period of time and that there could be tons of things that he never told me. im not the kind of person who would judge anyone on their past but i somehow thought she may be right. she jokingly asked me if i googled him and i laughed it off and said absolutely not.

stupidly i brought it up to my sister who then decided to do so. i was pretty shocked but the results.

 

turns out that the majority of his female friends are all ex's with whom hes still very very close with. doesnt bother me but in all honesty its a little uncomfortable. also he was planning on marrying an ex ( who he never told me was an ex just said she was a friend and he speaks to her still alot) and moving to New Zealand with her. actually almost all of his friends are his ex's. i dont know why it bothers me so much now that i think about it but its starting to get to me alot. hes told me he never considered getting married before, but thats not true obviously.

also i found out that the other day while i was at work he was on the same application on facebook that we met each other on. for a while he would sit online til 330 in the morning and i never thought anything about it except that it was a bit weird that i worked 12 hours and he was online all day and night.

 

theres tons im leaving out im sure so it might not all make sense, but i need some help in getting myself to stop feeling so insecure and realize that this man gave up his life to be with me, so why am i suddenly having doubts about it all? i feel like a jealous girlfriend and ive never been like this before. normally the guy that im with leaves me because they think i dont care. ive become obsessed with finding him doing something wrong. its slowly ruining our relationship because i dont trust him now and i cant even tell him the real reason why.

i dont know what to do.

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6 months is a short time. Trust me...I moved way too quick myself...

 

...but, back to you.

 

Why can't you tell him the reason why you feel as you do?

 

You shouldn't hide how you feel. People will tell you that you shouldn't be insecure, but I think it is normal for this kind of situation to make you feel a little uneasy.

 

If this application he is on is some type of dating app, I would question him.

 

As for him being on there; does he spend more time with you or more time online or more time with these other friends? That would give me my answer as to what to do.

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Wow. You are moving way too fast. You loved him after a few days without even meeting him? That isn't love, it's infatuation. The fact that he moved accross the ocean and then proposed a few days after he got here and that you accepted is hard for me to understand. You obviously should not marry this guy, at least not right now until you can work through your issues and actually know who he is. It sounds very suspiciously like he's trying to get a green card. Have you ever thought that he might be using you?

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of course ive thought about the fact that he might be using me. i dont think thats the case but i could always be wrong. the more things that come up the more im starting to think that could be the case.

weve talked about that and still do on a daily basis almost. im doubting things alot more now and he gets angry with me when i do. everyone here thinks thats the reason hes here and were getting married so soon.

thing is when im not with him is when i begin to doubt and not trust him. when i get home everything seems to go away and im fine. its a very odd situation to be in.

 

i dont know what he does when hes online til weird hours but i did ask him why he was on it and he said that i had the wrong idea. he hasnt been on that application since. my concern now more is the fact that hes so close with all these ex girlfriends. maybe im just being immature about it or something im not quite sure.

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There are a lot of concerns about your story:

 

1. I've done myself on-line dating, but it is extremely rare when a guy sells everything and moves to another country to marry. Have he ever invited you to visit him for you to get a picture what his life is? There is a reason for this rush and it is good to know this reason. It could be anything from mental instability to criminal activities. I doubt it was done because of crazy love. Even if it is so, then I would seriously suspect some mental issues.

 

2. He spends ridiculous amount of time on-line while you are working 12 (!!) hours... How convenient. It doesn't even matter what he is doing on-line, what matters he doesn't tell you.

 

3. He gets angry when your doubts are perfectly normal. If he is spotless, he could go sad, but not angry.

 

4. Your inner voice is giving you a warning.

 

I would seriously consider postponing marriage. I would offer him to rent his own place an live separately for a while until you overcome your trust issues. You can not get married having those.

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I would seriously consider postponing marriage. I would offer him to rent his own place an live separately for a while until you overcome your trust issues. You can not get married having those.

 

Screw that. He needs to get his own place. When did he become her charity case?

 

If he's getting angry over things instead of rationally talking about your concerns, that should be a big warning sign.

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5 Red Flags In Relationships
5 Red Flags In Relationships

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