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In-laws financially irresponsible


jackknive

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I've been having a problem with my in-laws lately. They are nice people, but they are terrible with money. They keep needing to borrow money (rent, food, etc) and it is putting a financial strain on us. No matter what their money is quickly gone as soon as they get it or their account is overdrawn.

 

We are still in grad school and money is ok, but tight. Tighter enough that it is hard to share. If they really need something we do help, but it is happening way to much lately. They don't budget, plan, save, or even properly balance their accounts. They are always in financial trouble. Times are harder now, but they still should have plenty to get by, yet they never seem to. Previously when they both had good jobs they still didn't have financial stability or security and with the level of income they had, they absolutly should have.

 

I'm not willing to just cut them off and let them be without food or shelter, but it is getting to the point where we are struggling because of it. If we try to mention money or tips to help, they get angry.

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If you don't draw the line somewhere, it's never going to end...TRUST ME, I'm in a similar situation. I won't even say how much my husband's father owes us, but it's a ridiculous amount of money and it never seems to end. As hard as it is you have to cut them off, don't let them guilt you into lending them any more than you can easily afford....it's not worth going into debt yourselves to help them.....And, if they're as bad with money as you say, you'll never see a penny of it back.

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It is a little of both. They don't make enough to support spending habits. They could easily pay rent, car payments, utilities, cell phones, food, and a little extra. The hard part is before the bills are paid they go out to eat, buy junk, etc. She just got a $300 machine for her hobby, but then their account bounced.

 

They don't spend that frivolously, but when there is not enough for extras and dining out, it can't be done, but they never see it that way. I don't even remember the last time I saw her cook. If they can't go out they just eat popcorn and hoho's and stuff.

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They don't make enough to support spending habits. They could easily pay rent, car payments, utilities, cell phones, food, and a little extra. The hard part is before the bills are paid they go out to eat, buy junk, etc. She just got a $300 machine for her hobby, but then their account bounced.

 

They don't spend that frivolously...

 

These two statements are a direct contradiction of each other. I realize they are "family" (and I use that word loosely), but yes they do spend frivolously. Not only are the spending habits you described terrible, but they are doing it knowing they're borrowing money from they grad-student children. That is AWFUL.

 

I'm sure you're a nice person and you want to help, but every decision you make now will affect the lives of you and your spouse and your children in the years to come - those are the most important people.

 

Cut them off... immediately. I can't believe they have the nerve to get mad when you offer financial advice and they're taking your money. That is horrible. There is no question in this situation... do not give them another penny.

 

I would have sympathy for you at this point. But if you continue this, then the financial ruin you'll put your future family in will be fully on your shoulders. Have the courage to end this now.

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It is a little of both. They don't make enough to support spending habits. They could easily pay rent, car payments, utilities, cell phones, food, and a little extra. The hard part is before the bills are paid they go out to eat, buy junk, etc. She just got a $300 machine for her hobby, but then their account bounced.

 

They don't spend that frivolously, but when there is not enough for extras and dining out, it can't be done, but they never see it that way. I don't even remember the last time I saw her cook. If they can't go out they just eat popcorn and hoho's and stuff.

 

In a case like that, I wouldn't give them a dime. What on earth would they do if you or their son wasn't around to help them?

 

Sometimes a little tough love is in order.

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I wouldn't cut them off right away like you said but you guys definitely to put your foot down and let them know your situation too. The more you give, the more they'll think they can spend money on non-essentials and borrow money from you to buy what they really need.

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They are adults and if they can not manage their finances, then I suggest they get some help in order to manage their money better. If they choose to buy things they can not afford that's really THEIR problem.

 

Personally I could not care less about people who can live on what they make, but choose to go above their means!

 

If they had no job, could not put food on the table, I'd go and buy them food, however I would never ever just give money while they waste theirs on crap they don't need 7 I don't care who it is.

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My mom was an alcoholic. She had very little money and spent it all on booze. I often paid her bills, got groceries, cooked casseroles for her, and got her clothes. She never learned. And she had an addiction to feed. Tried to cut her off but she would have been homeless in a matter of no time.

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It is a little of both. They don't make enough to support spending habits. They could easily pay rent, car payments, utilities, cell phones, food, and a little extra. The hard part is before the bills are paid they go out to eat, buy junk, etc. She just got a $300 machine for her hobby, but then their account bounced.

 

They don't spend that frivolously, but when there is not enough for extras and dining out, it can't be done, but they never see it that way. I don't even remember the last time I saw her cook. If they can't go out they just eat popcorn and hoho's and stuff.

 

This doesn't make sense, if they could easily pay rent, etc, but spend all their money before the bills are paid, they DO spend frivolously....buying a $300 machine for a hobby when you can't pay your own rent is spending frivolously, eating out instead of cooking your own meals is spending frivolously.

 

Sorry, but I still say cut them off NOW. If you don't, it will never end because I doubt telling them "this is the last time...." will have any impact. They have to learn the hard way that they can't live beyond their means.

 

I'm going through a similar situation with my younger brother. Up until shortly before my parents passed away, they paid almost all of his bills and he never learned how to manage his money. When it got to a point they could no longer help him, I tried to help him learn how to budget, but he never listened to me. My husband and I helped him out a couple of times, but he kept spending money as fast as he got it so I finally told him we wouldn't do it any more. He has now lost my parents' house to foreclosure, he has defaulted on a personal loan and multiple credit cards, and his car is being repossessed as soon as they can find it (he's still driving it). When his car is finally repossessed, he's going to have to file bankruptcy and he's only 26. My husband and I told him we will help him buy a cheap car BUT he will pay us back and follow OUR rules and stop blowing his money....if he doesn't, the car is ours (and we will have it in writing!).

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What To Do If They Cheat - Do this ...
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