Jump to content

Bf and his parents


alatas

Recommended Posts

Hi folks,

 

I was wondering about the following situation as I have a history of trying my hardest to be whoever my bfs wanted me to be (desperate to please and be liked). I am trying to stop doing this and be myself more, but obviously sometimes being yourself is not the most appropriate thing to be and you need to conform to some extent. And I am confused which the following falls into.

 

My bf's parents are very religious. They're Christians and they do not use religious "swear words" (eg Jesus, oh my God, etc.). I was raised a Catholic myself and my parents are religious, but neither I not my parents have ever felt that saying "oh my God" in response to something non-religious was a blasphemy.

 

However, when we visit my bf's parents, he has told me that his parents take offence at me saying these things, and could I please stop saying them when we're around them? I find this very hard because to me, "oh my God" is something I say without thinking, similar to "Gosh!" and "oh dear/oh my". For some reason I say "oh my God" more often than other things, and to me that is just an idiosyncrasy of mine.

 

It is very very hard to stop myself from saying it though, as it slips out so automatically.

 

I am sympathetic to my bf's parents feelings, and if to them me saying these things is offensive then obviously I would like to stop saying them. However, I do not like having to monitor what I say all the time as it makes me feel on-guard all the time, and makes it hard for me to relax around them as watching myself all the time = not very relaxing. I am also thinking that maybe they need to just accept that this is how I speak, and that I do not intend to offend them by using religious terms to comment on non-religious things.

 

What if we were to have children, and me being the main care-giver could result in my children taking on my figures of speech? Would his parents get offended at their grandchildren saying things like "oh my God" in a non-religious context?

 

So...

 

What do you guys think? Is this an instance of where NOT being myself is the right thing to do (even though it means I can't really relax around his parents)? Or where his parents should accept how I speak, and it would be unreasonable to expect me to change to fit in with their preferences?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Its not about being you or being someone else. Its just about filtering what you say out of love and respect for your bf, it makes his life easier and will make your relationship with his parents more easily.

 

If you hated 'oh my god' but your future sons girlfriend wouldnt stop saying it even though she knew it offended you, you'd be a bit baffled as to why. I dont imagine you spend THAT much time around them, I'd personally just be careful about what I said.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I can relate to this topic as I had an ex whose parents were very conservative (they didn't approve of kissing before marriage lol) and that was at first very difficult for me to become accustom to. With time I was able to halter my language and act in an appropriate manner for their house ( out of respect), but outside of their home and in my private life with my g/f I obviously acted the way I wanted.

Try to be a chameleon in their presence, but still be yourself if that makes sense.... you'll get the hang of it

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...