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Qut81
Dating Someone Not Attracted To - D...
Dating Someone Not Attracted To - Do It!

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I was talking with my best friend last night (who is a black male) and I was mentioning how everytime I go out with my friend she gets hit on more than me. (Lately I dont get hit on at all but thats bc of my self esteem) Shes attractive in the face but NOT in the body. He made a comment that shes cute and white, and thats pretty much what men go for. That its "easier" and that black women have a stigma. If theres a white girl and a black girl, most men will talk to the white girl first. He said, "For some reason you just know its going to be easier with the white girl bc black women you know it will be difficult" Not meaning sex but just personality I guess? Its not just him, this is the 3rd guy Ive heard this from.

 

Well, I am biracial and I made a comment about how I dont look black. He says, "Oh yes you do...I cant even see the white". I attached a couple of pics....what do you think I look like? Both red and brown hair...is there a difference? (Im sorry one is a modeling pic...I couldnt find a candid pic with red hair)What do you think? I thought society has grown and moved past this but nope....still sterotypes and stigmas.

 

I feel like I resolved this issue when I was a kid and now its coming up again. I decided I wont date black men anymore bc if they dont want me then I dont want them. Also, I dont want to run the risk of having a black little girl. I dont want their life to be screwed up just bc of their skin color. This is so sad.

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This is a touchy and difficult issue. I remember watching the Tyra Banks episode about race, dating and tensions a while back. It's a struggle- everyone thinks they have it bad in some way. White women will say "oh no black men ever hit on me" or darker skinned black women will say "oh those light skinned girls are snotty".

 

All you can do is work on liking you. When you see your skin, your face- love it. You are beautiful, really. Great smile and skine tone!

 

Put yourself in a situation where it no longer matters what others are thinking or saying. If random guy wants a white girl, who cares. You're you and you are happy that way.

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you are gorgeous!

the guys passing you up are prejudging you, and thats not the kind of guy you want in your life anyway. keep your chin up and sooner than you think the right one will come along who loves you for who you are and doesnt automatically nix you because of your race.

those guys are fools!

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You're very beautiful! Black, white, brown, red... you are gorgeous!

 

I think there are still some people who hold certain judgements about certain races... and you may find some men are more attracted to white women, some more to asian women, some more to black etc... Everyone has different tastes. I wouldn't base your judgement of your attractiveness as a black woman based on a few men's opinions - they may be making these statements based on how THEY perceive the world, which isn't necessarily accurate.

 

As an indian girl, I have had people say maybe my problem is my race, hence white/non indian guys might be interested in "their own" race before me. I haven't found this to be the case. Sure there are a few bigotted people who judge and stereotype, but MOST people have moved past this.

 

I guess the only issue here is not how you look, the colour of your skin etc... but as you said your self-esteem! Girl, you are hot and I'm sure you are many other great things, the sooner you realise this, the sooner the men will flock to you! (I'm sure many men already find you very attractive, but perhaps there is some body language / signals you're giving out that tell them to stay away?!).

 

Ammy

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Wow!

That is a lot of stereotypes isn't it?

I think you look beautiful. Not that it matters but you do look mixed race. I don't think your appearance has as much to do with getting hit on as how you act while out. If your self esteem is low or you don't seem receptive guys will shy away. Honestly guys can be a little intimated by a black woman. Another stereotype I guess.

 

Lost

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I was already feeling undesirable and I guess him saying that made me feel so low. Like Im going to be alone forever. I cried in the shower all morning. I didnt feel this was such a major issue when I lived up north.

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I agree with lost and ish completely. It probably has more to do with what you're doing when you're out, whether you appear intimidating to men or too shy or whatever the reason, it's all in your behaviour b/c you're not lacking in looks.

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It's more of an issue within yourself than an issue with others. People will think all sorts of things. Plenty of men would turn me down for being white or having green eyes or being 5'7 or whatever the hell they didn't like.

 

But I have hope that there are just as many that like those things about me.

You have to adopt that way of thinking.

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Qut, I posted a thread asking about my hair color and overwhelmingly I've been told I look better as a brunette, my natural color. It made me feel ugly, like I've looked stupid with blond hair this whole time. But I realize if I can't handle the answer, I can't ask the question, and that no one is responsible for my insecurities but me. Take the same lesson. It's not what others think of you but what you think of yourself that makes all the difference.

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I agree with lost and ish completely. It probably has more to do with what you're doing when you're out, whether you appear intimidating to men or too shy or whatever the reason, it's all in your behaviour b/c you're not lacking in looks.

 

Well my friend dances really provacative. Like a belly dancer (lol) so she attracts more attention, sometimes negative attention. Ive heard lots of things...that Im intimidating bc Im shy and quiet, that most men will think Im already taken, or Im insecure and men can sense that. My old boss used to tell me that I come off really classy and most men are looking for an easy girl. I look like too much "work"? This is all so exhausting....

 

My ex used to say that white women never questioned and completely trust their men. And I questioned everything bc he wasnt genuine.

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Maybe it's a regional thing (I guess me saying that is prejudice)... Because I have never heard that over here.

 

You're an extremely attractive woman, that could be a bigger deterant for a lot of potential suitors (some men finding that intimidating, not race related)... But race doesn't play a negative role in determining what women I find attractive.

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The club may not be the place for you to find someone, then. I promise you there is a guy out there who will see you and your clumsiness as cute.

 

Clumsiness IS CUTE!

 

It's SO much more attractive than one who is thinking hard about what they do and being careful about how its done worrying what other people are going to think. . . .YUCK!

 

Being who you are is number one as it will show who you are long term.

If other guys don't like it then they can go.

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You're lovely looking, and like Hockeyboy said, not everyone is going to look at you and see a colour, people are going to look at you and see a lovely woman.

 

Your friend sounds like an attention * * * * * , no offence lol so no wonder you're not getting attention! My best friend is EXACTLY the same, I never ever got approached on a night out with her, cos she was so crazy people forgot about me/ did'nt notice me.

 

It sounds like white woman have a stigma attached to them by black men too..

We don't complain to our men? I sure do lol.

 

My sister is married to a Nigerian man, and they just had the most gorgeous baby together, I always wonder if my nephew will struggle, because I have no idea. My sister and her husband still get crap off people.

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Thank you...you are gorgeous also! Ive always thought Indian women were beyond beautiful.

 

This is an issue Ive had since childhood and only recently has it come up again. Did I ever tell you guys about the guy I met who came up to me and said "You know black women are back in now. All my white friends want black women" I was extremely offended but gave him my # and gave him a chance bc I thought maybe I was misreading him. We talk and then he mentions how he has two jobs etc etc. I tell him "Yea I know the feeling, I work two jobs also...thank god school is out for the summer." He said "You work two jobs? Two legit jobs? Wow, I am impressed" At this point I was turned off bc I felt he viewed black women as lazy and beneath him.

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you ARE pretty. and i like your skin. i think biracial girls have the best skin ever. one of my good friends is also half black/white. she's totally gorgeous. never has had a problem with men, not since middle school lol. but she's probably the dumbest girl/easiest friend i have. well, besides this one other girl... (LOL, i sound like an awful friend.) not to be mean, but yes, those girls will have guys come and go all the time.

 

and now, about the changing yourself thing... please don't do that. i've been thinking about the same thing lately too. but unless you're completely obnoxious, petty, an addict or whatever else, don't change yourself. be *you*. if you are dating, you're looking for something LONGterm. marriage, right? if you do succeed by changing who you are, at some point, he will find out the real you. then he might decide that you are not who he thought you were and the person you are might not be right for him (doesn't mean good enough.. but compatibility and taste are totally subjective) MEANWHILE the guy who would've mesh well with you totally passed by because you were already in a relationship.

 

Being single isn't that bad. I think everyone who has an identity issue should be single to sort it out anyway. I mean, how can you be with someone if you can't be yourself?

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Dude seriously, where are you meeting these douchebags? That's a big reason I don't date black guys and have never been attracted to them--bc the ones I've met all seem to think women are still inferior to them. No thanks.

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Not in this day and age bc there are so many more biracial children than when I was growing up. I felt like an outcast and I wouldnt wish my experiences on anyone. That "outcast" feeling stayed with me into my adult years. I also feel biracial children who are raised with both parents are much more secure in their makeup.

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