Jump to content

I need a sure fire plan to get my ex back!


rain371

Recommended Posts

Hello everyone,

My ex and I broke up around January of this year. We had dated for 3 years and it was awesome. We were the loves of each others lives and had planned on getting married then things im my life started to go haywire. The degree that I had been studying for the last few years wasn't interesting me anymore and I became increasingly depressed about the decision to spend the last few years studying it. The more depressed I became the more I shut her and the rest of the world out of my life. She tried to do everything to help but I eventually broke up with her because she wanted to much of my attention. I was in this slump until late March, early April and I finally began to see the light of day again. Several weeks later after having no contact with her since a few days after we broke up I decided to contact her and tell her how sorry I was for what had happened not to ask her back but just to let her know that I felt terrible for the pain I caused her. She then told me that she saw a future with me in it still and still believed that she wanted to spend the rest of her life with me. There was only one complication and that was that she had started to see somebody else which is understandable because she had no idea if I was going to come back. We talked a lot those first few days that we started speaking again, we sat and cried together because we missed what we had. As of today she is still with the other guy and I am in a living hell. She wants to talk to me and see me everyday but says she doesn't feel that way anymore about me. I don't understand what I am supposed to do. I am trying not to be her friend and the no contact rule but I am scared that it will hurt my chances more than anything. Also, another thing thats been bothering me is that she has always been very supportive of me and an inspiration to everything that I do but about a month ago she doesn't seem to act the same towards me. It seems like she is getting all of the positives of being in a relationship with me without actually being with me then going off and getting the positives of being with this other guy and giving him the benefits of being with her. As you can tell I am lost any help would be appreciated.

Thanks

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I wish I could offer some helpful advise, but seems to me it is too late.

You should let her go, let her be with the other guy, if that what she choses to do. Hopefully you can meet someone else and not repeat the same mistakes in the new relationship.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Look, I'm going to be honest with you. Everything you said in the first part of your post was how my ex fiance felt towards me. He was going through something similar and he basically made me feel like a fool for wanting to see him once a week, like I was some space hog or nag or something. I knew I wasn't acting that way, but it hurt me terribly that he treated me like some chore or burden in his hectic life and acted as if I were responsible for his depression or something. Well at least with my ex, he left me alone and that was that. Obviously he doesn't want me.

 

In your situation, you tried to get her back but you broke her heart! Would you really trust someone who treated you like a burden? You'd probably feel embarassed and ashamed for letting yourself be seen in that way and even if you still loved the person, you'd probably resent the way they took out their issues on you, right?!

 

You need to leave her alone. I can see how her feelings would change, even if she still harbors feelings for you deep down. She is now with someone who she may have a shot of being respected by. She deserves no less and what makes you think you have changed?

 

Just something to ponder...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

WomanWriter,

Im sorry for what you have went through with your ex it must have been hard. You are right that I let her down and broke her trust completely. Probably made both of us look foolish too. Since the day that she said she would be staying with the other guy I have been doing everything I can to better myself as a person and especially prepare myself for another relationship with her or another girl. I don't want to hurt someone like that ever again, just thinking about the pain that I caused her makes me disgusted with myself but maybe the best thing for her is for me to leave her alone. The thing that really gets me is knowing that she has very deep feelings for me but is using this other guy to protect herself from them. If he truly makes her happy than it is probably for the best but its hard to walk away when you know that person still cares. Any other input would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'd play this smart instead of fast. I would not try to interfere with her choices right now. Even if she ditched the other guy, she could end up resenting you every time things weren't rosy--and you know there is no relationship that's rosy all the time.

 

You've told her how you feel, and you didn't get slammed. That's the good news. I'd tell her you respect her new relationship, and if she's ever free in the future she can contact you to see if you are as well.

 

That's leaving your door open while still freeing yourself to move on. If it's a meant-to-be deal, she'll know how to reach you. If not, you've wasted no time or dignity on behaving in ways you could regret.

 

In your corner.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think you should leave her alone for a while. It seems up to this point, this is all about you ... you're miserable and you take it out on her and then dump her. Now you want her back. Leave her be ... she knows your mind. Let her steer her life.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Catfeeder,

You seem to have the best idea but what about her wanting to text me all the time do I respond? I'm not exactly sure how far to go with walking away. any other insight?

 

I'd just tell her you've said your peace about wanting to reconcile, and while you appreciate that that's not where she wants to take things, you aren't comfortable remaining in steady contact while she's with someone else. Let her know you'd like her to contact you if she's ever free, but for now you respect her choice to be with someone else and wish her the best.

 

In your corner.

 

EDIT: She might give you some heat for this, but that's because she'd rather not be deprived best of both worlds. Thing is, it's not the best for you, so stand your ground, remain respectful, and just be honest--you don't feel comfortable. Bottom line is, as much as she won't appreciate losing you as an ego boost, she'll respect you more. If you want to look at it from a purely advantageous perspective for your own head, this brings you peace, but if you want to know the manipulative advantage, look up a sales technique called 'the take away'.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I've tried to limit contact but everyday it never fails she tries to find someway to talk to me and she even turned up at the rec center where I run frequently. I don't know what is going on? If she is so into this other guy why is she doing this to me?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...