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Can you make someone go away?


waveseer
How To Stop Leading Them On
How To Stop Leading Them On

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This is starting to irritate me, and few things do so it must be important enough to share about.

 

The situation is that you do not want any type of relationship with a person.

 

The question is, do you think you have the power to make that person go away?

 

Of course you do!

 

I believe that people who hide behind trying to be nice about it are fooling themselves and people that try to convince others that they have to "work up to it" or some other thing are manipulating.

 

Let's put it on the table for discussion because I smell a rat!

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Some people just don't take the hint, or they want to fight for their relationship so you either have to be brutally honest, or if that doesn't work... just brutal.

 

It's unfortunate, but true.

 

I'm sure that happens too, but how long could it take to realize that the "no" you already gave them didn't take? One more contact, that's how long. Then you can be more direct, "I'm sorry if you misunderstood me the first time but I want nothing more to do with you, ever."

 

The rest of the drama is caused by the person not really being sure they want to let them go as far as I'm concerned.

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I'm sure that happens too, but how long could it take to realize that the "no" you already gave them didn't take? One more contact, that's how long. Then you can be more direct, "I'm sorry if you misunderstood me the first time but I want nothing more to do with you, ever."

 

The rest of the drama is caused by the person not really being sure they want to let them go as far as I'm concerned.

 

People don't like ever being told no. We're very much a "me" society and you're taught that if you want something enough, you'll get it.

 

...but this kind of stuff just cannot be forced.

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People don't like ever being told me. We're very much a "me" society and you're taught that if you want something enough, you'll get it.

 

...but this kind of stuff just cannot be forced.

 

Could you elaborate, I had a bit of trouble understanding what you wrote.

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People don't like ever being told no. We're very much a "me" society and you're taught that if you want something enough, you'll get it.

 

...but this kind of stuff just cannot be forced.

 

That is true, but everyone knows what "no" means. The topic is about people claiming that they are too nice to deliver the "no".

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why dont we just stop beating around the bush and hear your story waveseer?

 

Haha. Ok, so I have had somewhat limited contact with someone from my past. He isn't interested and he will say that, but he goes nc without warning and at the oddest times. Now, if he wants me out of his life I would happily go, but he hasn't said anything like that. Why not? Because he's not sure what he wants. In a way I hope my contact does cause contention with his partner (if he has one) because he really needs to you know what or get off the pot.

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then at this point i have to turn on you regretfully and ask you why you are the one not 'speaking up' either. its more or less reflecting the indecisiveness that you are attacking in this thread.

 

oh yeah, i went there.

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then at this point i have to turn on you regretfully and ask you why you are the one not 'speaking up' either. its more or less reflecting the indecisiveness that you are attacking in this thread.

 

oh yeah, i went there.

 

I'm not sure what you mean, I have no need to remove him from my life.

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and he has no reason to stop doing what he's doing.

see?

he doesnt have to make a decision, and neither do you.

he comes and goes as he pleases, you might get agitated by it, and put up with it. the broken system works.

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So they are afraid that if they told someone to go away that person really would go away and then they'd regret it?

 

Yes.

 

Haha. Ok, so I have had somewhat limited contact with someone from my past. He isn't interested and he will say that, but he goes nc without warning and at the oddest times. Now, if he wants me out of his life I would happily go, but he hasn't said anything like that. Why not? Because he's not sure what he wants. In a way I hope my contact does cause contention with his partner (if he has one) because he really needs to you know what or get off the pot.

 

Doesn't sound like much of a friend. What's the point? I would bail.

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and he has no reason to stop doing what he's doing.

see?

he doesnt have to make a decision, and neither do you.

he comes and goes as he pleases, you get agitated by it, and put up with it. the broken system works.

 

We both come and go as we please, the difference is that I am regular in my responses. I don't ever think it will change. My goal is to have such a pleasant and fulfilling life that I just don't bother anymore.

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Yes.

 

Life is full of tough decisions, using other people to prevent your own discomfort is unkind. I hope all of the people who are saying it's not possible to get people out of your life are reading this.

 

 

Doesn't sound like much of a friend. What's the point? I would bail.

 

 

Well, it's definitely not my job to prevent someone else from feeling regret. I don't consider us friends and I'm sure he doesn't either. Friends let the other know if they are still breathing. There's really nothing to bail from at the moment so it's rather anticlimactic. lol

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Haha. Ok, so I have had somewhat limited contact with someone from my past. He isn't interested and he will say that, but he goes nc without warning and at the oddest times. Now, if he wants me out of his life I would happily go, but he hasn't said anything like that. Why not? Because he's not sure what he wants. In a way I hope my contact does cause contention with his partner (if he has one) because he really needs to you know what or get off the pot.

 

I had the same thing awhile ago. I invested a lot into our platonic relationship, then she would go NC. Finally, I quit investing, and she disappeared. It hurt, but the other hurt more.

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regardless of the fact, this crap he is doing is bothering you. which means its surpassed the point of being an even trade as far as friendhships go.

 

my fortune cookie gave me some sage advice that i personally need to take more often.

it meant stop complaining about the things you cannot change.

doesnt do you any good.

 

but if you say 'well we arent even friends' then why not give him the boot???

i just think its funny you are complaining that he wont go ahead and cut you all the way out when you wont pull the trigger either. using some excuse or another as to why you dont have to. transferring all the responsibility to him.

but he isnt the one on ENA typing about it like its a problem.

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I had the same thing awhile ago. I invested a lot into our platonic relationship, then she would go NC. Finally, I quit investing, and she disappeared. It hurt, but the other hurt more.

 

I understand. I think if I stopped investing eventually I would hear from him. I'm not sure I want that because his communications feel artificial.

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regardless of the fact, this crap he is doing is bothering you. which means its surpassed the point of being an even trade as far as friendhships go.

 

my fortune cookie gave me some sage advice that i personally need to take more often.

it meant stop complaining about the things you cannot change.

doesnt do you any good.

 

but if you say 'well we arent even friends' then why not give him the boot???

i just think its funny you are complaining that he wont go ahead and cut you all the way out when you wont pull the trigger either. using some excuse or another as to why you dont have to. transferring all the responsibility to him.

but he isnt the one on ENA typing about it like its a problem.

 

 

Good point. I will think about what you said. It will take me a few minutes though as I have to shift my mind completely around to see how I'd feel about that.

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Whatever you do, dont take it as an attack.

naturally the ego gets defensive. i could be wrong in my observation but i dont really think i am.

 

Oh, I'm not. I know you love me.

 

I will tell you why walking away forever doesn't suit me. I'd still rather keep the door open from my side. I'd still prefer to be with him than without him in my life. I am exercising control over my half. I have no control over his half. Yes, it's frustrating and no I don't think I can give up entirely unless he kicks me out of his life permanently.

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