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A "fear of commitment" type issue.


mr.higgins

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Hey guys. This is a story i've told too many times before so im going to sum it up as much as possible and leave the important details. Me and my ex were together for about 8 months (long distance relationship). Towards the end i could feel us drifting apart, though i tried my best to keep things together. She decided she'd had it and broke up with me. No fights involved, it was a very quiet break up. We didnt ever have any drama during the relationship, so i was left wondering why she had drifted away from me so much, besides the obvious answer which is distance, though we'd talk every day and were planning to meet.

 

So anyway, i went NC for 2 months after the break up and she started dating a rebound who lived closer to her than me. After 2 months of not talking she came back and basically pleaded to be my friend again. I resisted as much as i could, telling her i was trying to move on and forget her, but she insisted we stay friends. i told her her boyfriend wouldnt like her talking to an ex, but she went on to tell me he was an a-hole and they had broken up (she never specified what had happened).

 

So anyway, i reluctantly agreed to be her friend again, though i made my intentions clear that i still loved her very much and really would like to get back together. At that moment she said she didnt know if we'd ever be together again or not, she said possibly in the future, whatever that means. I also told her i was going to cancel our planned get together when i was going to fly out to meet her, but she insisted i come to see her.

 

So while i was out there i asked if she was even interested in me at all anymore, and she told me she isnt interested in ANYONE at the moment. She went on to say she thinks she has a fear of commitment, because whenever she thinks of doing anything a couple would do, she gets sick to her stomach. She even gets sick thinking about kissing a member of her family. We had kissed before when we first started dating, and she initiated it. She also kissed the rebound guy. So all this was rather strange hearing.

 

What should i do guys? This is obviously some kind of bad phase shes going through, theres no way dating can make her sick forever. Should i wait it out? And if i do wait it out, will she come to me once shes interested in dating again? And if waiting it out is the answer, should i stay a close friend or back far away (into NC)?

 

Thanks.

 

Edit: I also find 2 things interesing... 1) She never said completely no to possible future dating. She just said she doesnt know, and "maybe" we could end up together in the future. She didnt say "no i only see you as a friend and thats final". and 2) she still wears a half-heart necklace she bought and gave the other half to me when we first started dating. I wore it under my shirt when i went to visit her, but she noticed it and pulled it out of my shirt.

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Her commitment issues cause her to be a selfish person. She is stringing you along because she needs emotional fulfillment but at the same time cannot provide what other people need in a romantic relationship. Essentially you are getting used here. This isn't a child parent relationship or a pet and owner relationship, she shouldn't be able to say maybe we will date in the future and use that as a carrot for you to give her more attention while your heart bleeds. Look there is no reason not to have some empathy for her situation, MAYBE she does have commitment issues, but she has also made it clear that she is willing to hurt other people's feelings with the full knowledge that she has these issues, instead of say... working them out! You need to tell her that you want someone that likes you for you instead of what you can provide for them, so she should deal with her issues with a phsyciatrist or something and if she still thinks about you after that then maybe that means something and she can contact you. Otherwise... shcccck (finger accross neck) for that relationship.

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