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Jealousy, and a lot of envy, too.

Ugly Star

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As you can probably gather from my username and another post I have in this forum, I have quite low body image and self esteem. I've never felt pretty or sexy, I've been called ugly, and never have received much male attention (meaning, when I went out with my friends, all of them got attention and maybe once or twice some sleazy guy would come to me in desperation).


So I've never felt attractive. It didn't use to affect me as much as it does now, though.


You see, I've only ever been with my boyfriend, romantically. And he says I'm pretty, and sexy, but I know for a fact that he prefers another type of beauty. My face isn't really girly, he likes girly faces; busty, I'm small chested; round, perky butt, mine is wide, not much volume. He watches porn that features these women.


But the biggest problem is when we go out. I feel so uncomfortable, because most girls around me are way prettier and hotter. And they know it, so they flaunt it (they wear cleavage, tight tops, etc). My boyfriend isn't blind, so of course he notices. When he's with me he doesn't ogle, but I'm sure he does when he's alone. He's told me that one of his friends' past times is checking out women, and 1+1=...


He's a very nice guy, so whenever he's introduced to another girl, he jokes and usually makes them laugh. I hate being this jealous, but most girls really like his personality, so they're always trying to flirt. Of course, when he's around me, he's respectful, but I hate how these girls look at him and talk to him. Also because he enjoys the attention. So what goes on when I'm not around?


And I envy him, and them. I envy him, because he gets attention from the opposite sex. I GET ZERO ATTENTION EVEN WHEN I'M WITHOUT HIM!!! And I envy them for being pretty and flaunting their cleavage to my boyfriend's face! And they bat their girly eyelashes and smile charmingly.


I am genuinely unattractive. I know it, because people have made a point of telling me. He says he thinks I'm sexy but I'm not stupid. He just says that so I don't feel bad. And I hate that he has an eye for beautiful girls, and I'm not beautiful. Sometimes I feel like breaking up with him (he deserves a beautiful, confident girl), because I feel too uncomfortable, and sometimes I feel like staying single forever (can't be in a relationship if I feel abd about myself), because I hate being ugly and having to worry about more beautiful, flirtatious girls. No matter what he tells me, I don't feel beautiful, because I'm not. And he's told me he prefers another type of beauty, but that I'm beautiful too... but when he's been angry because I push the subject too much, he's flat out told me "So what if there are hotter girls around?". Hotter girls... there, I'm not hot enough.


I know looks aren't all that matters, but no woman wants to feel ugly, especially when you go to the pub to relax and have a good time, but instead, all girls are wearing revealing clothes, flaunting what they've got, and I don't have! Why are some people ugly? It's not fair... I want to be beautiful so bad, but it's impossible.


(If you don't understand the feeling, please don't answer... nothing worse than hearing "get over it, being beautiful is not important", because to my self esteem it is... it hurts not receiving attention when he is, and when other girls get it all the time).

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hi try this......... i have suffered with jealousy for a long time and its all down to self projection!


projected images of self on a negative/happy basis are controlled by the inner judge. when you feel inadequate the inner judge hangs yours negative projected image and thats the crux of jealous beginnings which in turn triggers the partners negative image of themselves and emotional hurt starts. the key is to not imagine the negative self or project it, rationalise and step away from it. this will help work on the smaller matters and will help eliminate the bigger matters of low self/jealous/anger. its that simple!


we all have hidden portrayals of ourselves and others, when certain situs arise we hide the negative to counter the positive because the feelings of self worth are not high. so we use the negative in our mind and the so called inner judge strings us up which in turn projects the negative self for which is based on a figmant of our imagination, hence the withdrawal of ourselves and feelings of inadeqaces, which in turn can turn into jealous pangs for which only remain in our heads when in reality it doesnt exist.


step away from it and send it to your recycling bin so to speak. when you start to work on the smaller issues of guilt/jealousy/anger etc this will help you sort the bigger stuff out in your head. its all in your head, and you can do it, im just coming out the otherside now but still have to beat that judges decisions!


you say your ugly? your words and thoughts, not others. stop the judge now and become the real you, that thought of you being ugly is your negative projection, based on your ideals in comparison to your partners, if he is so nice etc and portraying to be flirty, why is he with you? you see its all in your head! stop the inner judge.




hope this can shed some light on your troubles.



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