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Should We Give It Another Try? Or End It Now.


MamaSeeker73
Is My Relationship Over - Signs
Is My Relationship Over - Signs

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I'll try not to make this long and drawn out, but I need to know if I'm wrong or not for wanting to break up with my boyfriend.

 

We have been together for 6 years and have a 5 y/o son together. But this is the 2nd time we have been evicted. I have been home taking care of my son, but have always tired to persue my writing career.

 

My problem is this: he is in essence a good man, a hard worker for his family, but during our relationship he always works hard but not smart. I have always supported him in his goal to own his own business and always give advice on how to handle the money and resources to get started, but it took this eviction to realize that I have nothing. He is really bad with money and we have made several bills togther. I have no investments, no savings, no insurance of any kind and he never puts aside any money for these things. He supports me but it seems like just enough. I never hear 'I'm proud of you', or 'what's going on with your writing' when I fall off.

 

I've been sucidal in the past, I'm fine now, but all i got was 'i dont ever want to hear you talk like that again' and there was no more talk about that. There is so much more but i'm trying to keep it short. He is never involved in depth in my dreams and goals and maybe in part because he never pushed or took my advice to live out his own goals.

 

Am I wrong for wanting to end a 6 year relationship because he doesn't support me ENOUGH in my goals and he seems to not be focused on his goals either?

 

I've talked to several people about this but any other persepectives would be helpful.

 

Thanks

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The correct answer here I think is: Do what's best for your son.

 

Children can sense when things arn't right in the home and it can have devestating effects. You need to think things through, try imagine the future if you stay with your husband and compare it to one without him.

 

Also, would it be possible for you two to live seperately until the money problems go away? If you have family or close friends that could take you and your son in for the meantime until things sort themselves out then that'd be great.

 

I'm not sure if what I just said is in any way helpful, but its advice I can imagine people giving to me if I were in your situation.

 

 

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He seems like a deadbeat. I'm unsure about the other details of the relationship, as in, if he cares and loves you and your son, but it appears that you are with him because you feel that you cannot be independent and support yourself financially by yourself.

 

You should start finding a job (as hard as it sounds with a 5 year old) and save enough money so in the event you do feel that you need to throw in the towel in the relationship, you have yourself to lean back on.

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I don't think you should consider a relationship and really consider therapy.

To try and start your own biz in this economy is probably not the best idea, people are losing jobs and bussineses are shutting doors. Not a good idea.

 

He should look for a job with benefits and a steady income. He needs to support his son and get you some therapy. The main issue here, is you have been sucidal. and that would mean you care more for yourself than your son.

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Do you love your boyfriend? It would seem like he is working hard to support the family and that should be enough. What more do you want?

 

Maybe you two should separate and find who you are and for him to find who he is.

 

Thanks for your response Dark. That's a good question do I love him. I tried to love him, but I'm not sure I do. I think I may have stayed because we got together quickly and had a son shortly after. I'm loyal in any relationshi and always put family first.

 

And sometimes just working hard is not enough. There is more to any relationship than money. There is time, support, working together (which he is not good at), and other key attributes.

 

But yes, I do need to find myself and separate from him. But that leads me to my next question. How do I tell him that I want to leave? How do I do that and take my son away from the family he knows? This cant be easy....

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Hi Casey13.

 

I stayed home with my son until he was 4 and able to go to pre-k for free because we couldnt afford daycare. After that I worked from home for a year making more than him actually and now I;m looking for work again.

 

The reason I can criticize him is because he is very reckless with the money. He has never saved in the whole time we have been a couple. He wastes it on eating out and entertainment like going to the movies or buying dvds. I have no problem cooking at home to save money but he always opts to eat out. Once in a while is fine but I tell him to stop eating out. I have offered more times than I care to remember to budget the money but him and his ego never want my help, so I stopped offering.

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Mamaseeker - Of course it is not an easy thing to do, I understand. Tell them that you are not taking your son away, that he can still see him and spend time with him, but you both have to do what is best for your son. Are you guys fighting at all? What other kind of support to you want from him besides financially? If you feel that you do not love him, do not lie to yourself and force yourself to be, because it will be fake to you and to your son.

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Do you love him?

 

This doesn't mean, is he good at playing therapist for your psyche or can he step into the role of a best woman friend or can he earn enough for you to stay unemployed. Just because the man can't be your 'everything' that doesn't make him bad husband material.

 

If you were on your own you'd need to work and to reach for other people to meet certain needs in your life, so why not do that while you're with him? There's no sense in going solo only to form a hunt for someone else to meet all your needs when such a man may not exist. Meeting your private needs is your own job.

 

So your love for him should be considered at face value, not for what he delivers, but for who he is.

 

As for what he provides for your family financially, that's a responsibility you might want raise your own contribution toward. If this man has forbidden you from working, then you've got a valid case for walking away. If not, then step up to the plate and do your own part to ensure your family's financial future. One working adult isn't earning enough--that's a common situation, and most couples resolve it with two incomes. It took BOTH of you to allow the money problem get this bad.

 

In your corner.

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