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8 year relationship ended


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Hi Im new and I really just need some advice and someone to talk to.I will like to start by saying Im 22 and have been in a on and off relationship with my gf for 8 years. some break ups was because of immaturity and others were uncontrollable events. All in all we were a happy couple. She broke up with me with the " I love you but I'm not in love with you" Her definition of "not in love with you" was," I love you and I am happy and but I don't always feel as strongly as I used to" (I've confirmed at this is how she really feels and not trying to spare my feelings) She has been feeling like this for a while but Im upset because she never tried to talk to me about it and tried to fix it herself. I went through something similar but I realized it was a phase and I know that those feeling don't last forever but know the relationship doesn't have to end there. She says she does not know why she feels the way she does

 

We dont live together and she has three part-time job. We are able to see each other 1-2 times a week but dont always get to go out. she can be very private with others and refuse to ask for help, which I think could have helped. She just graduated from college and I will be finishing this coming semester. I haven't moved to the next stage because Im not financially stable enough to take it there.

 

I really love her and she loves me. she even says she would always want me in her life. They say if she truly loves me then she will come back. Im not going to wait around for her but I'm not against the opportunity if it presents itself and she understands what she wants. how should I go about this situation? Please be honest even if you have to be harsh. I am not afraid of constructive criticism.

 

Please dont treat me like Im too young to understand or I dont know what I want. I know that the crazy in love feeling doesn't last forever I have experienced it and realize their are more gratifying things pass that. I understand that relationships are work. I dont want to say I know everything. I also dont want people to think that this is the only relationship we have been in. On the off periods we have seen other people. we have had other experiences. All replies are greatly appreciated

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your girlfriend needs time to sort through her feelings and see what's going on. The fact that she said she doesn't "ALWAYS" feel as strongly as she used to gave me the impression that she is confused...

 

I know you realize that relationships take work and that those lovey dovey feelings won't be there 24/7, but she doesn't. So my advice is to do your best and move on. It will be hard for you, but you need to give your ex the space she needs to see if what she's feeling now is really true or just some weird phase she is going through.

 

From my experience, I've seen a lot of people pull that line where they don't think they are in love with their boyfriend/girlfriend and then the time apart will make them realize that they still are in love. So give her space and let her understand why those feelings are there. In the meantime, take care of yourself, get plenty of sleep, eat healthy, exercise, and go out with friends. Don't wait around and worry because it will only make things harder. If it's meant to be, then she will come back to you.

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I know and I totally understand how you feel. It's the worst especially when you know there wasn't a serious problem like cheating or anything like that....I've been there before. It's hard and you will have good days and bad days. But keep your head up because in time, everything will work out and you will be fine : )

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She's probably too immature to understand that it's a normal phase. I went through that phase too with my ex but got over it, and it seemed when we talked about it that he knew it was a normal thing too, but then when it seemed to happen to him, he bailed.

 

It sucks that we are taught that relationships are supposed to be 24/7 butterflies or else something is wrong. No, infatuation is not supposed to last! It is normal to feel like close friends after 8 years. She will realize that with the next guy, trust me. Unless she wants to date a bunch of people, she will have to learn to accept the small flames instead of the raging fires all the time.

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yes it is a shame that people are brought up to believe this. I said I'm not just going to wait around but is it wrong to hope. I mean hope that she realizes that there is more to a long relationship than just feelings of infatuation. I don't know if its a long shot or not. she expresses I'm her closest friend, it wasn't that we weren't compatible we got along very well and liked a lot of the same things, and our lives weren't moving in different directions. It just seems that all the pieces are there she just cant put them together. Is it wrong to hope or am I hoping for too much?

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It sounds like you guys were together when you were very young, so I can understand why that must feel very bitter when things feel like they are coming to an end.

 

I knew a couple who were perfect and happy together since they were TWELVE YEARS OLD. No joke. The only reason they are no longer together is because the husband passed away at the age of 66.

 

However, this situation is VERY rare. VET is perfectly right in the sense when they say that people grow apart. Biologically speaking, there are too many developmental changes in the mind around the age that you are now where people suddenly change their likes, dislikes, interests, etc. They are trying new things and wanting to explore. This is why couples that meet in childhood RARELY, RARELY, RARELY stay together, as sweet as it would be.

 

I think you have the right idea, that you said so yourself: don't wait around. You don't know what's going to happen in the future, later on down the line, but don't let that mean you get tied up waiting FOR something to happen. Odds are, it won't, and you will have missed out on a good many opportunities to move on.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I want to thank everyone for their advice and support. Im still having problems getting over her and trying to find ways to do it, but its getting better. She recently contacted me trying to keep in touch but I dont know if Im ready for that yet. I dont want to start from square 1 again but I dont want to ruin any chances. How do I go about this?

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Lost the Love Of Your Love? Watch T...
Lost the Love Of Your Love? Watch This!

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